Should I stay or should I go?

Question

We have been married 17 yrs, had sex about 10 times since "I DO"! No kidding. We have a 15 year old son. My husband travels Mon 6am to Fri 5pm.. I have met someone I feel I am crazy in love with. My problem is I feel like there is no way for me to pursue this relationship without damaging my son. My husband and I don't argue or fight nor do we have much communication at all. When Fri comes I leave and come back on Sunday evening. I promised my son I will always be here overnight from Sun through Thur, school nights. But we all know while I am here trying to live one life, my mind is somewhere else, trying to see myself in another life. How long before I lose my mind? I love this man so much, he fills every void inside. How do I move forward. I have no job nor can I work to support myself and my son, which is my fault. My son wants be with me, he wants to be home too. That is all he knows. I want to be happy and not hurt my son.

Answer 1

My personal opinion is: it seems you love your son very very much, if this is true, in order for him to have a peaceable and stable life you should sacrifice and stay married even in your lonely marriage until your son is 18 and then maybe you should leave. In the meantime, try to make your marriage work and get some schooling that way by the time your son is old enough to live on his own (and not have to choose who to live with and not have to move and leave his friends and basicly his whole life and identity), you will be ready and skilled to get a decent job and start your new life. It is only 3 years, if you love your son enough you can sacrifice that much longer, you probably have been sacrificing for a long time already. Good luck. (people say it is worse to let your son watch this type of relationship, I do not agree, it is worse to throw chaos into his stable life...assuming that it is stable and you and your husband are not fighting a lot...teenagers do not pay all that much attention to what is going on in their parents lives anyway, they just want to keep hanging out with their same friends).

Answer 2

I think you have already answered your own question. Your child wants you there and as we all know when we have them we have to make sacrifices. You have already given up 17 years or so you say. I believe there is more to the story but thats for another day. However, you say this man "loves" you and you love him so I say if you really feel your marriage is over then you can hold off another three years and wait until your son is 18 and then if you are still in the same place with this man move on from your husband. The life you have given your son as emontionless and unloving is all he knows. So now you must bear the burden of staying in the cold and loveless marriage until he is a man and is ready to leave your house that way you can at least know that you stayed until he can have an independent life of his own. He still may not be happy with your decision but he can move on with his own life then. Now he does not have that choice. Good luck to your whole family.

Answer 3

You have a commitment with your husband, not your son. Divorce the husband first, re-establish a relationship with your son, and then marry the other man. There are no shortcut in life. Actually you should have gotten a divorce years ago. What you describe as a marriage is just a roommate that pays the bills.
Get a job to support yourself and your son. You cant be happy if you cheat your husband. I think that you just want to have a "physical relationship", I don't think the man you are with is worth it if he was willing to "date" married woman. What does not start right at the beginning will never end right. Trust me, I know.

Answer 4

I believe you should stay as a child from divorce it is hard, thanks so much for being home more than away. You have stuck it out this long continue you only have a few more years for him to be home, after he's gone off to school maybe then you can proceed. Mother first than pleasure remember a good mother gave up her life when you decided to bring a child in the world, most people don't agree but this is true. As long as your relationship with your husband is not violent deal with it. You got a couple of years left is there any way to spark something with him. Everyone make mistakes. Don't be condemned by pleasure. Also take this time to go a to school for yourself if you leave you're going to have to have some way of supporting yourself. Take that lusting energy and apply it to making something better of yourself. And try doing something together with your husband and child at least one of days he is home. All this can help make things better for your child. Don't make him another problem child the world has enough. Your child should be your main concern.

Answer 5

Focus on getting that 15 year old safely in college, then you can do what you want. He'll be too busy with his life to really care as much what is going on with you three. It won't affect him as much as it will at 15, which is a tender age.
Stay until your parenting job is done, it won't be that much longer and it will be worth it. Distract yourself by going back to school so you can leave without having to hook up with some guy to take care of you. If you can type on your computer, you can work, at something. Get in the habit..
Why do you leave when your husband comes home? What chance does that marriage have anyway?

Answer 6

What are you talking about! Your son is 15 years (!) old. He is NOT a baby anymore, and is going to have a wife for himself in few very short years. You know what, all these 17 years long, you had done enough (!) to make others happy. Now, it is the time to start thinking about yourself and what makes YOU happy. You had done your duty to be a good mother and a good wife, you sacrificed your life for that. Now you deserve to have your own life and be happy. This might be your last chance in happiness. You are feeling it in your heart! Please don't needlessly discourage yourself from being happy. Your son is not a child anymore, in few short years he will be a grown man. He will understand you for sure. He knows that his dad has never actually been there for his mom. He understands everything. Besides, he is going to have his own family soon before you know it; time goes really fast.

Answer 7

Your marriage is in trouble, but I don't think you should stay just for the sake of your son. If you've tried to work things out with your husband ( and I mean really tried; counseling and all) and you two are still so unhappy that you want to pursue another relationship then you should leave your husband. But don't do that lightly. You should try counseling, you should remember why you married him in the first place.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

You are not going to damage your son. Why do you think that. What you have does not sound like a marriage. I am sure that your son would want you to be happy. Your son will be fine. Make yourself happy, you have wasted enough time.

Answer 10

You got 15 yrs old son, how can you ignore him and with out hurting him it is not possible to go with another man. Moreover the society also will not accept your act. Take legal divorce and go with your loved man.