What is a "polite" way to tell my wife (of 6 years) she's getting fat.?

Question

I met her at a gym 8 years ago, and she took real good care of herself, however since we got married she has stopped taking care of herself, and to be honest, I am almost embarassed to be seen with her.I don't want to give up on her, but I feel as though once we got married she doesn't feel the need to take care of herself, and I am finding myself attracted to other women.

Answer 1

Just be open with her and say it. She is aware of it, all women are aware of their own weight. She might think that by you not commenting on it yourself that you no longer pay attention to her. No need to be rude about it but in a kind way you should just inform her of it. You can rest assured if things were reversed you would hear about it from her. Just dont buy her a second watch and tell her its for her other arm, the one in a different time zone.

Answer 2

There's a common misconception that women (or men, for that matter) get fat because they're happy, content or just plain lazy.

Not true. People gain weight because something's WRONG. It could be something physical-- but more than likely it's something EMOTIONAL. Either way, your woman is hurting. And if you think she hasn't noticed that she's gotten fat, guess again. You don't need to "tell her" a damn thing.

I think it's tragic that you're now "embarrassed" by this woman you promised "to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health." You've even admitted to being attracted to other women already. It's as if you've moved on. And you might as well admit it.... in some respects, you have.

I'd be willing to bet that if she talked to a friend, a doctor or a therapist about why she's gained weight, she'd admit to some very real problems. And *probably* having more to do with your marriage than anything else. Think real hard. Does that surprise you?

In any case, with your lack of committment, don't be surprised if gets the help she needs, loses all the weight and then some, walks out the door and never looks back.

Answer 3

If you met her at a gym can you use this as a means to coax her back and exercise with her as a couple? You could say something like lets get in better shape together as a team.

Or you could ask about a favorite outfit you know she still has and fit a few pounds ago. Ask what happened to it and tell her how wonderful she looked in it and say you'd like to see her in it again. It may give her some incentive to fit into it.

The comment will make her feel good, and maybe when she fits back into the outfit she will feel even better promoting her to continue.

Also if your wife gained weight and your attracted to other woman, does that mean every time your with someone and they gain to much you will get another thinner one?? Soon you will be doing alot of switching because age and childbirth change that too. Might be wiser to work on the one your in???Good Luck!

Answer 4

Please be very careful here...you do NOT tell her she is getting fat..you can say she is getting out of shape... you can suggest you both go to the gym together, you can suggest you have separate time at the gym, you can suggest joint marraige counseling...but you do NOT tell her she is getting fat, and you certainly cannot tell her she is turning you off. As far as the attraction to other women, one has nothing to do with the other, that is a convenient rationalization. IF your wife suddenly gets back into shape, can you honestly say your attraction to other women is going to stop? (I didn't think so). I do not accuse you of being Shallow Hal...I don't think you are....you did not bargain for what you are getting, that is another story also! But it might seem to some that your love is a bit skewed to the appearance, rather than to the person within. You need to work on this, she needs to work on her body, as you have, or need to...you didn't say that you were still in shape. As far as being embarrassed to be seen with her, I suggest you put this on the table, for she deserves to be able to decide if SHE wants to stay with you...neither you nor she will always be of the "beautiful people," and she has the right to decide whether she wants to be stuck with someone who judges her more on appearance than anything else. It is obvious that your interest will fade over time, regardless of what she does, for none of us can stay young forever. Your call here, but I suggest you both need some phsych help to get around the problems you both have, Sorry to be so rough, but I don't have the space to be more tactful....good luck and peace, Goldwing

Answer 5

She'll probably catch on to what you're hinting at no matter how you word it/explain it, and will get offended to some extent.
Chances are though, that she already knows she's let herself go. Or at least has thought about it.

Bottom line is that you married her for the person she is. Her personality- not her body. And if you did marry her for her body, then she deserves someone way better than you.

The idea someone posted before about going to the gym with her every time, is the best idea. She won't feel as attacked, and more that you are willing to support her, not insult her.

Answer 6

well well.... first of all, I think that you need to put it in a way that maybe you would like for you two to spend some time together and go to the gym together. After that, start complimenting her on her work and you notice some changes that you like. See I have the oppisite problem. I weighed over 215 pounds and I lost 63 of it. My man hates it!! I hate the fact he hates it. I work hard to keep it off and look good for myself and b healthy for my son. He doesn't think that way. But as far as you being embarrassed.. well you fell in love with her for who she is not what she looks like and if that is not the case.. you better re evaluate. if you r going to look at other women.. try to point out to her what you like about that woman. See I dont mind if my other side does that, I would rather know what he likes other than what he doesnt.

Answer 7

First off, you are so wrong for even thinking the way you do.

Second, you should never be embarrassed by your wife. You will regret that. You did marry her. And, what did you think was gonna happen when she got pregnant?

Ok, now to answer your question, try going to the gym with her or walking together. If she sees you going, she will be motivated to go herself. If that doesn't work, try talking to her doctor and see if he will say something to her next visit. But, by no means should you say she is fat. Try changing your (both of you) eating habits, too.

Answer 8

i'm rather particular that she already is conscious that she has won weight. Is it 'chuffed post wedding ceremony weight' or 'depressed as h*ll weight'? If she isn't depressed, why no longer attempt asking her if there are any lively issues that she might desire to attempt. Or lead by utilising occasion and doubtless she will have the potential to get inspired by utilising your point of interest. Or commence bringing fit ingredients interior the abode and refuse any junk that she tries to offer you. you could consistently use the 'I hassle approximately your well-being...' line. 'a super form of weight' is a somewhat subjective volume. Are we taking slightly junk interior the trunk or you finally end up thinking in case you will re-marry if she drops lifeless of a heart attack. permit's call a spade a spade, are you fearful approximately her well-being, or basically no longer as became directly to her? the two could desire diverse solutions...

Answer 9

Did you marry her for her looks or who she is, It sounds as if it was for her looks, and if it was, I wonder why you got married in the first place. If it actually bothers you that much, then get out and get active with her, and stop looking at other women, this will only increase her view of herself and possibly cause her to gain more weight. I would guess your neglect of her is a bigger part of the problem than the solution. It also sounds as if you are fishing for a reason to cheat.

Answer 10

Let me ask you this since you are looking at other women, is that all you saw in your wife? Her body? Had to be more to her then that didn't there? There is really no good way to tell hers but if this bothers you so very much that you look at other women then you have to tell her something. Tell her you love her no matter what, but that you are concerned about her health and that it seems that she is not trying to take care of herself any more.. do not say anything about being fat. she knows this already!!! She has a mirror! Tell her that she seems not to be trying to keep her self up any more and you are worried about her and ask her if everything is okay and what you can do to help her.
Just do not say anything about being fat!!! There is nothing that will hurt a woman more then saying that. They tend to even eat more when someone puts them down.

Answer 11

Take her back to the gym you two met at, start making a date of it. If she asks why just tell her, honey, I think you've let yourself go a little since we got married. She might get mad at this but honesty is the best policy. You could also take the "you're not the woman I married" route but that's always a bit harsh. I think if you have the time to go to the gym with her that would be great, because it will motivate her to look good. Another thing is to buy her a sexy dress that would fit her when you two first got married and when she says it's to small tell her woops that's the size you were when we got married.