He drives me crazy?

Question

married w/ kids. i have a full time job as does my husband. his day consists of getting up and going to work. coming home at 5pm and going to bed later that night. i wake up the kids. 5 by the way all 10 and under. making sure they are dressed, have eaten and hair is combed. taking them to school, the 2 youngest to daycare. then going to work, coming home, at 7 picking them up. making sure homework is done. cooking dinner. doing the clean up and laundry. weekends are variation of me spending time with them, ironing clothing for the week and running errands. i do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking and child rearing.
okay so the problem is he has the nerve to call me sorry cuz i cooked pizza for the kids tonight. 2 of them didnt eat cuz they didnt want it and i wouldnt fix anything else. i asked him to help me more and he said he will make the kids do it. i am beginning to hate him, how can i get him to do more? i'm tired!

when i got married we had 1 child, and he wasnt like this. we did everything equally. over time i started doing more because after the 2nd child he had 2 jobs. for the last 3yrs he has had one job he used to at least cook but, but now thats stopped. i didnt sign up for this in answer to your comment hubby. but other then you, everyone else thank you. leaving my kids is not a option but i certainly will try the list and making him do his cleaning himself.

Answer 1

I would chart it out: Left side: Chores you do. Right side: Chores he does. Hand it to him and ask him to read it to himself. And say, honey, do you think that's pretty close to how we're living?

Tell him you're tired. That you need to move (3?) (4?) of the things from the left side right on over to the right -- and soon -- or you're headed to his mother-in-law's for the next month of weekends.

Get him to buy in on -- as much as you can.

If he begins to change, encourage him and love him as he progresses. If not, consider counseling before resentment grows a poison tree in one of the partners (your) heart.

Answer 2

I would have gone on strike right then and there. I would have told him that if he wanted to cook, get into the kitchen, because I am taking the rest of the week off. Then I would have told him that the next time he complained, he would be doing all of the cooking for everyone including himself or he would be eating fast food for a long time!!!

Tell him that you work and take care of the kids too, and if he has a problem with how you do it, let him try it for a couple of weeks.

And don't ever start cooking separate things for every child. let them learn to eat what you have fixed or go to bed hungry. If you start it, it will never end, and you will be cooking several meals a day instead of one.

Then you might want to add that if he is so unhapy with the way things are being run around the house, you can always quit work and let him foot ALL of the bills.

Answer 3

I really think that you should sit with your husband and tell him that it would be nice if he would make sure the kids have done their home work, because he gets out earlier than you do. Plus, if he is home ealier, he should pick up the one in daycare so you could save some money. All the kids should have chores to do each day before doing other things. You should have a list to keep on the fridge to what each child is responsible doing. That's where your husband comes in to make sure they are done by going through the 'chore chart'.

I would make a menu and get the kids involved by choosing some foods they like. Make sure they eat healthy foods instead of eating junk food. Menus are good to have and do save a lot of money if you are budgeting. If some of the kids have a problem with eating what you cook, then you should explain to them that this is what is on the menu.

Your husband should also help you with child discipline as well. Children need guidance in their lives and that's where both of you come in, work together as a team. Your kids look up to you and will learn from you. If you don't teach them, they will get the teaching from someone else. And you wouldn't want that to happen.

Your kids are his responsibility too, not only yours. If your husband is complaining on what is not getting done, then you need to tell him that he either helps out around the home, or you are going to quit your job to take care of the kids and get things done around the home. So, that means he needs to get a second job. Do consider being a stay-at-home mom, something to think about so your kids can at least come home to you and you will feel less stressed!

I would consider both of you reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage."

Answer 4

who gives pizza to children 10 and younger? ok, u can give pizza to 10 year old, but those in day care? what kind of mom are u? if u can't take care of your kids u shouldn't have had that many kids or u should stop working. and when do u actually eat if u pick them up at 7 pm and start dinner after that? at 10 pm? or u eat pizza every day? u should sit and really think about your children, their health and how well u re taking care of them. also during weekends u should actually spend time with them, not ironing and running errands. and kids really can help. especially 10 year old

Answer 5

Was he differnet before you got married?

My guess is no.

You signed up for this.. why are you getting mad about it now.

Should he expect you to change? What if he decided he wanted to become a swinger. Would you be wrong for saying no?

Sucks that you married a lump, but now you have to deal with it. It is much easier if you just set your mind to this is how it is.

Divorce should not even be an option here. There is no abuse, you are in no danger. And you would just have to do all of the same crap you do now, but you would have less money to live on.

Love him for what he is. I am sure you expect him to love you for what you are.

Tell him I said he is an a** for the comment on the pizza. Let him know it hurt you. Maybe it will help him watch his mouth.

Answer 6

Don`t know the answer to getting him to do more, but you could go on strike, you know, while he is kicked back watching Sunday football and tell him you`re going to the grocery store. Leave all the kids with him ( if he`s not drinking) and then go visit a friend or family member, stay there for a while. Let him worry about the kids so he can see what you go through . Hopefully when you return he will have grown some respect for you. He needs to be a man and accept his responsibilities to his wife and family.
(*I_tell_it_like_it_is pins medal on super wife*) :P

Answer 7

For a week, as an experiment, why don't you try switching roles? You come home after work and mill around until you have to go to sleep. Let him take care of the kids and do all the household chores in addition to his outside job. Then he might appreciate you more and realize the workload you are shouldering.

Answer 8

Victory is Mine has a perfect answer!

If this was me, I would not feed the husband..I would cook enough for myself and the kids...
I would not do his laundry... I would do mine and the kids
If he left his crap around the house.. I would purchase a trash can just for his crap and throw it in the trash can.

I have been there and done that and you know what,,, it worked. He came to me all angry asking what the heck.. of course different choice of words... I told him that I work, cook, clean, do everything around the house, repairs, yardwork and so on and so on..and he works, plays, and sleeps... Well, he got the point and started helping more.

Too bad we divorced (due to other reasons).... I trained him good for his second wife

Answer 9

I have 3 kids & one on the way. We do not live in a restaurant, if you do not want to eat then go to bed & you will be hungry for breakfast. This is not neglect.

As for the hubby tell him you want to switch rolls for one week so he can see how it really is. The kids will be lucky to get dinner!

Answer 10

get a maid....or someone else to help you out with your housework and kids... you cannot neglect the kids it is the adult responsibility to take care of them since you sound more responsible then you should ask for help from outside if your hubby does not want to help...but do not neglect the kids. Try working out a timetable with your hubby as to who should do what around the house etc..etc.. sit down and talk to him just don't hate him becos he might be thinking you are managing it well.