Part 3, Why wont these swinger take a hint, even when I call the police?

Question

I need to clarify a few thing and maybe I should put a link for other questions so here you go:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Am22mv61wu2jsSMKQUgr3fDsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071016034813AAzpytH &
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AjlO4_liLc3h1Eeum2jn2jTsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071016035543AAp2OHl

My next door neighbor's Angie & Joe used to have what I would call a good marriage till they started to swing!
Now he goes into Jealous rage moments and I do fear that I might hear one day he killed her!

I've called police so many times I can't remember and all they do is take him out of house for the night, and she wont press charges so that's that!

Racer x, I like what you said about abuse happens all the time regardless of who you are but their are things that don't help the situation and it seems to me that swinging has become toxic to the marriage!

I used to swing in 1st marriage and you and I both know that swinging is about perspective,

and even though you may have a good marriage before the event that does not take into the fact not everyone is built with a release button on their emotions, and I might say that not a bad thing either.

I have learned in that marriages that swings or go open, you have rely nothing invested but your time and a few emotions, and if the other person decides to to leave, well then thats for the best! { SEEN IT DONE IT MYSELF}

I've watched these next door neighbor and have been friends with them and seen the damage done and my husband says it's their problem but as I said earlier what if Angie ends up dead?
What do you people think should I make it known to police, even though Angie begs me not to inform them of their swinging lifestyle next time I call them to stop abusive event?
Angie says life has never been better since they started to swing, what a life What to do?

{ personally my 2nd marriage is just him and I for almost 15 years now and staying that way}

Answer 1

"Racer x, I like what you said about abuse happens all the time regardless of who you are but their are things that don't help the situation and it seems to me that swinging has become toxic to the marriage!"

Thank you. You are right, swinging isn't helping the situation at all. But they are "toxic" whether they are swinging or not. Swinging hasn't become toxic to their marriage, they are toxic and they are swinging. They are not the kind of people that should be swinging. Her husband is insanely insecure and thus jealous. All abuse stems from this one simple issue: personal insecurity develops a need in someone to control their surroundings. Insecure people have to control everyone and everything around them in an effort to comfort and "protect" themselves. Her husband would be beating her regardless of swinging or not. Swinging is just making it worse. I'll be he also accuses her of sleeping with every guy she comes in contact with, at the store, at work, at the mall, etc. I'll bet when he leaves he records the miles on her car so he knows how far from home she ventured that day. I'll bet when he's not home she has to stay home and he calls her to check-up on her and make sure she is home.

See, this is not a swinging problems, this is a couple who has problems AND they decided to swing. Is swinging making it worse? Yes. Would these problems still exist if they weren't swinging? Yes. With or without swinging their marriage is going to implode. Because it's so screwed-up to begin with swinging will probably just hasten its demise.

It's been said, swinging won't fix a bad relationship, but it sure as heck won't hurt a good one.

"I used to swing in 1st marriage and you and I both know that swinging is about perspective, and even though you may have a good marriage before the event that does not take into the fact not everyone is built with a release button on their emotions, and I might say that not a bad thing either."

It's not. Not everyone can swing that is why not everyone does it. Not everyone skydives or rock climbs either because not everyone is cut-out for it. It's recognizing this either up front or having the open line of communication afterward that makes the difference. :-)

"I have learned in that marriages that swings or go open, you have rely nothing invested but your time and a few emotions, and if the other person decides to to leave, well then thats for the best! { SEEN IT DONE IT MYSELF}"

I wholly disagree with this statement. That is saying all marriage is is a bit of invested time and emotion. I don't know about everyone else's, but our relationship is much, much deeper than that. How does being sexually exclusive make you any more committed and make that time and those emotions any more valid? It doesn't. They either are, or they're not. Period. If those feelings and that time together has real value, nothing outside of it will effect it. If it doesn't than anything can effect it.

But all that said, I think your concerns with your neighbors is very valid, and all you can do is keep calling the police. The more the police come to their door, the more evidence they'll have against this guy when either she decides to finally press charges or he does something worse (God forbid).

With our old neighbor we counseled and counseled her. We gave her information on where to get help from local women's shelters. We called the police. But until she finally got up enough guts to get out from under his control, nothing changed. And that is what people like him count on, that everyone is so afraid of them that they will never try to break free for fear of repercussions. The "If you ever leave me I'll..." I'm sure he's held the threat of physical violence over her, taking away the children and she'll never see them again and more.

The faces change, the situation is always the same in domestic abuse. Always.

Answer 2

You don't seem to realize that the swingin lifestyle is a symtom of a problem of pride. You seem to think that the lifestyle causes the problem? That would confuse me. I like how you stated that they had a "good marriage" before this. Which makes me think that maybe you feel "swingin" is actually a product of a "good marriage", I don't think you really grasp whats going on when that happens. See its a matter of an inability on someones side to be satisfied "emotionally" by there partner. Something I'm sure you understand since you've been married for 15 years AFTER going into a relationship were there COULDN'T have been much emotional wellbeing. How the fact is they never had a good relationship. So put yourself in her shoes, when you went thru your "swinger" marriage, could someone had stopped you? IS there a magic phrase someone could of said to you that would of had you making your life better? Some special conversation you could of had that would of set you strait? Well if you believe that then talk to her and give her that knowledge you didn't have then that would of made things better for you. If you already did that then you realize that the fact is you can't do anything, she needs to learn her own lessons. And the fact is you trying to bring peace to it, is only going to draw it out longer. Understand like you before, they never had a good marriage, swinging is a sure sign of that, its a perversion caused by the over-welming devision of emotions from act. In this case sex, it's about denal. So in other words your messing with a powder-keg there. So ether you talk to her in a way thats going to help her live this situation, or you except, "Wow I've been there before, yea you couldn't stop me back then I had to learn my own lessons" And wash your hands of it. I know your affraid for her life, but in the end, we can't be called to carry the crosses other people bare. Thats why people washed there hands of you, besides unless you guys what a roommate, then all you can do is hurt this situation, even then, he'd have to be prepared for some combat. All that aside, unless your going to take this ALL THE F'IN WAY, leave it be.

Answer 3

You have no control over your friend. It is sad and it is painful to watch her make mistakes that could be fatal and not be able to stop her. Deal with it! There is nothing you can do other than continue calling the cops.

You keep posting and posting and you are just going to get the same answers. Your friend has made her choice. She isn't changing and she isn't leaving her abusive husband and she likes the odd lifestyle. Deal with it!

Maybe you should consider moving. Get it through your head even though it is not what you want to hear or accept. Facts are facts.
You can't make your friend do anything she does not want to do. Your husband either!

Answer 4

i don't have a clue what you talking approximately. I vaguely accrued that this is a pair of swinging couple and which you worry for the secure practices of the female. which you your self used to do it, yet no longer now on your 2nd marriage, and your husband does not prefer to have something to do with it. Now, what's difficult, is that who's that this Angie? Why is her life in danger? And who's that this Joe? I accrued that there is violence in touch, the guy has been arrested yet released each time. seem, this tale does not to make plenty sense. yet, the nice and snug button is, regardless of somebody is into, in the event that they have not worked out for themselves that it is not stable for them, and that they could supply it up, you could confer with them till you're blue interior the face, and it won't replace something. this is actual for alcoholics, this is actual for drug addicts and this is actual for swingers i assume. So, as your husband suggested, leave them to their life type, and whilst and basically whilst she asks you on your help, supply it to her. interior the interim, shop faraway from it. i can't see why your husband could prefer to get entangled in one in all those pigfight. it rather is their determination of life and he's ideal, leave them to it. you probably did manage to choose on for your self, so, all you're able to do, is to enable her do the comparable. stable luck.

Answer 5

It is there business. If you have talked to her and she does not agree with you. Then...done.

Wash your hands of it and sleep well knowing you have done your part.

NEXT...keep your nose out of their business. Just brings drama into your life.