want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone before
But how can I get you to notice me, if you love some body more
Because when I see you with her, my heart begins to ache
Every time she makes you laugh, I think of my mistake
The mistake I made of loving a guy in which I hardly know
One who loves another, yet your feelings you never show
Though as you look upon her I see the yearning in your eyes
But every time this happens my heart fills with such despise
She makes the smile upon your lips form in such a way
And slowly my hopes and dreams of you crash and fade each day
It kills me to know that I can’t be the one to make you smile like her
Though everyday that passes without you makes my life a blur
You don’t like her for her mind or beauty so it must be her physique
But the constant hugging and playful hitting makes my heart feel weak
Going with your every move, while clinging on your arm
Looking at her it’s hard to see how you think of her as a charm
But if you love her, then perhaps there’s no way to intervene
You’ll keep on trying, like I do, until the day you’re seen
Because if I walked a million miles you still wouldn’t notice me
Though give her second to walk by and you’re already on one knee
I want you so bad but in your eyes I know I am unknown
For the girl you love is everything as she sits upon a throne
If I screamed your name I’m sure she would only scream it louder
Gave you all I have to give, and you’d still look at her and be prouder
I have to give up someday, but I really don’t know how
So I guess I can wait awhile or at least just right now
I can’t wait for you forever, for if I did I could not see
For all your light would shine upon her and in the darkness, I would be
By: Beverly Hurd ©
2007-10-16 16:20:26 · 8 answers · asked by SO scrumdidlyumptious 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
wow all i can say is wow... u r really good... great content, great wording, it rhymes... man im touched really since i can see it happened to me too
2007-10-16 16:26:20 · answer #1 · answered by itsme 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
There's nothing special about it.
Remember that poetry is a condensed expression of emotions. This is just really, wow... I mean, I don't have to read the poem to know what you'll talk about. The way you approached it is very typical. The title alone is typical of an unrequited love poem. This is like some condensed can of chicken noodle soup: typical and ordinary.
Also, poetry is explaining an emotion in ways never done before. This is just typical school girl crush train of thought. Nothing new.
I have to say, I was disappointed. I thought it would be good because I love reading unrequited love poems. But this is really too much of something typical.
Turning it into a letter would be better.
Apology for bluntness...
2007-10-16 18:57:32 · answer #2 · answered by makingfunnie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yuck.
You lost me before the first word because it isn't even a complete idea.
Your rhymes are tedious, your rhythm is horrible.
Your word choices are unnatural and utterly deplorable.
I can't believe you wasted my time with this.
I have to go use the bathroom now.
2007-10-16 18:03:12 · answer #3 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's a little long and it kinda reads like a note that someone would pass in school.
2007-10-16 16:29:00 · answer #4 · answered by DeborahDel 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it really does capture the feelings of an onlooker.
very touching, it goes straight to the heart
well done
2007-10-16 17:31:55 · answer #5 · answered by isisthewolf 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
just tell the boy how you feel
2007-10-16 16:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by etienne19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh so lovely and sad as well.
2007-10-16 16:23:46 · answer #7 · answered by Kevin 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it doesnt matter how long it is... its very majestic and sad. i love it i wish i could write like that.
2007-10-16 16:31:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋