2007-10-16 16:09:15 · 17 answers · asked by terri 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do we wait to date ? I miss him already, and he misses me. Neither of us miss the fighting and conflict. We have 4 children,21,19,13,11
2007-10-16 16:10:37 · update #1
seek advice and counceling. The therapist know how the relationship should progress in the future, little by little. New rules new activities so that you have a fresh start and learn to know eachother again in better terms.
Congratulations for trying to save the marriage.
good luck
2007-10-16 16:28:21 · answer #1 · answered by GreenEyes 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think if you wait a little longer you will miss each other even more and that would be a good thing. It's a great sign that you want to date again. Always try to save time for the two of you to reconnect. Make your relationship a priority and keep it that way, it is easy to let everyday responsibilities take over, but by keeping some of the focus on the relationship it will make every area of your life just that much better.
2007-10-16 16:16:33 · answer #2 · answered by replexgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I separated for a short period of time and what we did was that we completely started over. We re introduced ourselves and everything, then we also made it like we were dating. We wouldn't see each other on the weekdays that much, he works full time and I work part time, so what we did was we'd pick one night either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday and that would be our date night. He'd pick what we ate and I'd pick what we went and did afterwards. This really helped us, and I hope it helps you guys. I'm sorry to hear that you are separated, and I hope everything works out good luck and God bless
2007-10-16 16:19:16 · answer #3 · answered by Brecken's Mommy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do what ever you see fit! Marriage counseling may help... I read a great book when my marriage was on the rocks called "How to stop a divorce" and as guru-like as it sounds it really has some insight... but most importantly, identify what the problem was and resolve it! Good luck!
2007-10-16 16:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by Mommy to 1+triplets 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I were you I would try and work it out before you start to date. Dating will just cause more trouble between the both of you, wondering what the other is up to. Don't give up until you no it is truly over.
2007-10-16 16:35:21 · answer #5 · answered by farmboy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DATING??? Didn't you go through that stage years ago? You don't even like each other well enough to live together, why would you want to date him? Wait? For what? It sounds like your marriage has run in the ditch. You need to start protecting your interests. I hope you have a good job and your own savings where he cannot get to it. AND IF YOU are still married, he can. You need a lawyer, not a date. Thank goodness your kids are older!
2007-10-16 16:18:56 · answer #6 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Rather than separate, why not just do marriage counseling and work on making it better. You aren't children, a "time out" isn't going to fix whatever is broken honey.
2007-10-16 16:13:27 · answer #7 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
couples counseling would be the first thing you should start before dating. A book called "Why cant you read my mind" helped my husband and my relationship a 100 percent.
2007-10-16 16:13:50 · answer #8 · answered by natasha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to be dating when you haven't resolved your problems. That's walking around with rose-colored glasses and rather than using your brains, you are using your emotions to guide you. That will only put you right back where you are right now. Plus you both are setting horrible examples for your children by acting like children yourself and arguing all the time. When they grow up, they will think that is the way to act when they get married.
Both of you need to sit down and make up a list (separately) of some of the issues you argued about. Then you need to make up a list of rules that you both agree to abide by when you sit down to discuss the issues. It would be best if you sat down with a minister to help guide the two of you as you discuss these problems.
Before my husband and I married, I discussed some things with him first to make sure we were on the same page in our thinking.
Never go to bed mad. Always apologize and make up, no matter who might have "started" it (it doesn't matter who got it going).
If you aren't giving 100% of yourself to making the other person happy, you have a relationship doomed to fail.
It's important to keep your voice level and calm when discussing issues even if the other person gets a bit snippy. What does it solve if you start yelling ~ neither of you is listening to the other, all you are thinking about is how "right" you are, even when you are wrong. And if you are both raising your voices, you BOTH are WRONG.
When he comes home from work, give him a little time to relax and unwind and if you work, he should give you time to do that, too. If you both love each other, you will consider each other's feelings and you will be listening to what the other says and help them if they have had a bad day.
Buy the book "His Needs, Her Needs' and both of you read it and discuss it. You need to learn how a man thinks and he needs to learn how a woman thinks. You don't understand each other's emotional needs and you are not nurturing each other the way you should be.
Every now and then, send him a card at work and let him know how much you love and treasure him. Hopefully he will do the same.
Fix his favorite meal and have someone watch the kids some Friday night so you two have alone time to romance each other.
Plan a special, secret weekend away for the two of you and when you can find a date when you both are free, tell him to keep that weekend free... and keep it mysterious by putting hearts on the date. Don't let him know exactly what you are up to as you plan for friends and family to watch the kids, you book a romantic place for the two of you to go and only tell one person where you will be so there won't be phone calls coming at you unless it is an emergency.
If you have more than one babysitter, make sure they know who has your number. Turn off your cell phones so you won't be disturbed. Don't forget to take candles and a special nighty for the occasion.
Learn to put some spice in your life and let your husband know he is very important to you. Everyday life, especially with four wonderful children, can weigh both of you down if you don't take care of each other, let each other know how special you each are and if you don't take time alone once in a while, even if it's only every 6 months or once a year for one night at a time.
There have been times my husband has come home, stressed and a bit snippy but when he does snap at me, I make a quick (calm) comment and drop it. Within minutes, he is coming to me and apologizing for hurting me.
I came from a volatile home and promised myself I would not have a marriage like that and we haven't and never will because we set the rules up front and we both have abided by them. We treat each other with respect and if one of us is bothered by something the other does, we discuss it with them and resolve it up front. We also use the Bible as our guide as to how we should love and treat each other.
If you aren't going to church, start going as a family, get involved in the Bible studies and start studying your Bible and praying together every night so all of you learn love and respect for each other ~ and for yourselves.
Wishing you well ~ God bless you
sorry it's so long but hope it helps :)
2007-10-16 16:49:26 · answer #9 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if neither of you are ready to give up on each other then you shouldn't, counseling can work miracles with some people. don't start dating other people until you have gone through all of your options with each other first. i wish you nothing but the best.
2007-10-16 16:16:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋