My dad left without a word 20 years ago. My mother is still married to him, is he still her "next of kin"?

Question

She refuses to divorce him.

I'm worried that the scum bag will show up and mess with her retirement benefits, medical coverage and when the time comes, he will have the authority over her "end of life" decisions.
She also refuses to discuss a living will or anything else that would put me (or my siblings) in charge of her affairs when, and if, she becomes disabled/dies.

I've asked her about it, and told her my fears about my dad, but she just starts yelling that after so long, he doesn't have any authority, and will not listen to anything different.

So, anyone know?
Also, does anyone have any advise in talking to a difficult parent about this?

Answer 1

she needs to talk to her lawyer and tell him to revise her will and take away all rights he has to any of her affairs and that he abbandoned her 20 years ago. if she does not do this he will be able to take everything he was not there to help her get!!!!!!!

Answer 2

Hi! A lot of my friends are divorce attorneys and chances are he divorced your mother or is dead. If he left and has paid no support or contributed to the support and welfare of the family or your Mom, he has lost his rights to collect anything. However, in the reverse, if he had a windfall, had a pension or a large savings, she can collect his SS and 1/2 pension after HE DIES. If he is married and has more kids, this is not a legal marriage without him getting an "ex parte" divorce and that has to be after 7 years. Years ago my neighbors wife left him and he never heard from her. After 7 years he got a legal divorce from the court and re-married. His wife lost all her rights from that momment on. Again, only an attorney or PI can help you and if you mother doesn't want help, little you can do. However, he will NO authority of entitled to ANY benefits if he shows up out of the blue. AND I CAN tell you now, that typically only happens on TV. Once people are gone that long, they have totally forgotten about the past and moved on. I can promise you he will not show up and reap the repercussions of his leaving from any judge if he tried to interfer. Forget it and move on with your life and leave you mother alone. If he were to ever show up, he lost his rights years ago when he left. So relax, this is not Hollywood, this is real life, he is entitled to nothing. M

Answer 3

I am not an attorney. You may want to speak with one regarding family matters, wills and estates. Laws vary from state to state and from country to country. However, after a given amount of time has passed, usually just a few years, your father is no longer considered to have any authority over you, your mother or your family affairs. He abandoned you and your mother. With this, he forfeited his rights and authority.

You did not say whether he is dead or alive, but implied that he is still living. The Social Security Administration can verify this for you and your mother.

Your mother has the right to appoint anyone to handle her affairs. This is called "powers of attorney". There are two different powers of attorney; medical and general.

Ask a trusted friend, attorney, pastor, priest, rabbi or someone of like manner and whom your mother respects to sit with you and have a family meeting to discuss these matters. To ease into conversation, you may ask her to handle your personal and medical affairs. Then ask, whom she would like to handle hers. WAIT for her response. Say nothing until she responds. This is very important. Do not make suggestions unless she asks you to. You may want to emphasize how important this is and, if not predetermined by her, the courts will take control and you (your family) will have no choices. Your mother is no different than many other mothers as she has had to be both mother and father to you and your siblings. Mothers are very sensitive about matter such as this. Everyone is. No one expects the inevitable to come but it does. Eventually, these things must be decided.

You may also want to emphasize the importance of having these things in place when all those involved are competent and healthy rather than waiting for a crisis and have the courts decide this for you. This can take a lot of time, money, aggravation, hard feelings with siblings, etc. Your mother should also prepare a will while she is of "sound mind and body". If she has no will, the courts determine the dispensation of her properties; both real and personal. They (the court) will also take a sizable amount of money for themselves.

It is not likely your father will show up, should your mother become ill or die and attempt to "take charge" but as you know, many things are possible. Why risk it? As I stated earlier, laws vary from place to place and as you know from all the publicity given high profile cases, anything is possible.

I sincerely hopes this helps.

Answer 4

Technically he might be considered next of kin because they're married, but a) he has to be there to claim that; and b) you can contest it.

For now, she can sign a power of attorney authorizing you or someone else to make those decisions if she's ever incapacitated or when she passes away, or she can do a living will and make the same designation. You should talk to her about making a living will and "putting her last wishes on paper" anyway, regardless of any divorce.

Also, if the unthinkable happened and he came back trying to claim something after she died, you could TOTALLY contest it on the basis of he's a scumbag and hasn't been seen or heard of in 20 years. You can easily prove that he hasn't been a part of anyone's life in that long, so I wouldn't worry about it. if push comes to shove, hire a lawyer and sue him for 20 years of back child support.

Answer 5

wow what became into he like once you first married him? became into it like this? How did it get so undesirable? he's egocentric and oblivious What have been his mothers and dads like? Are they interior the image anymore? this is stressful because you enabled this habit and concern for an prolonged time, so it won't replace in one day in any respect He does not even sound like the kind of guy or woman who'll circulate to a stable family contributors therapist He basically does not understand you and lives his very own life He likes you at residing house to shield the residing house and little ones so he can sense he has a family contributors yet with out putting in any of the paintings, being a co-verify what ameliorations do you prefer from him? or you basically prefer out? If there are ameliorations, you could desire to take a seat and tell him, you sense such as you're residing with a roommate and what you prefer him to do interior the relationships with regard to you and likewise in co-parenting the little ones. And if he's prepared , help him replace. yet whilst he hasn't figured those issues out by potential of now, not sure there is any desire. this is stressful to respond to this no longer understanding how issues have been till now the little ones, till now the marriage, and so on. in any case, it form of feels you have grown aside or you already know he's not the only for you. What are the probabilities to circulate in inclusive of your mom or a chum? I take it you haven't any longer have been given the $ to get your guy or woman place? not sure if he could pay new child help or if it would be sufficient. according to danger the viewed a tribulation separation and prospect of paying alimony and new child help could make him re-think of? You men prefer a stable couple therapist, one you notice on my own besides as mutually. yet once you prefer out, then detect a fashion and do it.

Answer 6

I think that he still is her next of kin.....My father left my mother over 25 yrs ago.....and now my mother is collecting his social security benefits....she never worked.....I hope everything goes well for your mom

Answer 7

It is possible! I suggest you check to see if he has divorced her! You CAN obtain an "ex parte" divorce. (A divorce without the other party being present.) If he has divorced her in an ex parte proceeding, he cannot collect unless she provides for him in her will.

Answer 8

If they r still legally married he is her next of kin. He has all the rights. If she doesn't want to talk there is nothing you can do.

Answer 9

You are right on all accounts. She needs to either divorce him or have him sign waivers regarding her benefits.

Answer 10

Oh,I do feel sorry for you, Bonsylar,I am touched by your question. :(... Reminds me of CASABLANCA.