Help!! Might lose a friendship over my ignorance??

Question

ok, me and this girl have been childhood best friends. Our familes were close and because I have no sisters I thought of her as my sister.
well ever since we went off to college we have been seperated (havent seen her in over 5 years). Her mother had died of cancer before that gap and I saw her at the funeral, but that was the last time.

Well years later: downtown I saw her, I was excited to see her..but sad that she looked different (tired). Anyway, I noticed that she seemed a little uncomfortable and i said whats wrong? she told me that she was waiting for a friend to go to lunch. Me being so excited to see my close friend again asked if I could join her. she at first declined and I was like "why not?" she said in a low voice "since we are old friends and i dont know why im telling you this but you might need to know..im lesbian, and im meeting my girl.

it didnt hit me until i realized what she meant, she looked relaxed. but I felt wierd and so I told her "i have to go..."

I basically bailed on her after finding this information.

I couldnt help it then, I was soo shocked!!

I NEVER suspected her of being lesbian!! she even dated guys back then.

anyway what can I do? i dont know how to face her..and i know she is very hurt

Mr. Moo- im not homophobic.

But we knew each other since we were like 10 years old. gossiping on boys, going through boyfriends and stuff.

i had no idea she had those feelings. and she never shared it with me!

Answer 1

Well you first have to realize that she is your FRIEND! Regardless of her sexual preference, if you are her true friend, then you should go to her quickly, and apologize. Just tell her that the revelation of herself to you was a bit much to grasp at that time. Tell her that you had no idea that she IS a lesbian, and let her know that it doesn't matter to you what her sexual preference is. If you guys have been friends since like 10, then she felt that she could trust you with that revelation about herself. I'm sure you hurt her feelings when you reacted like that. Sure you were caught off-guard, but imagine if the shoes were on the other foot? Would you want your friend to react like that? Would you have been offended if she'd acted like that?If those answers are yes, then you know what you need to do--apologize to your friend and tell her that you would like to hang out with her again sometimes and if that means hanging out with her lover as well then so be it. Invite her to lunch to catch up on old times and tell her to bring her girl, that you'd like to meet her as well. Instead of one friend you just might end up with two.
A lot of people have the misconception of" If I am friends with a lesbian will she try to hit on me." OMG, OMG. That way of thinking is sooooo stupid!!!
NO! NO! NO! Most lesbians I know will not hit on a straight friend, or even a lesbian friend, unless the signs of "I like you more than a friend" are there. Most lesbians know who to and who not to hit on.

*******A true friend will accept their friends faults, sexual preferences, quirks, and all!!!********

Good Luck.

Answer 2

It's okay to be shocked because of this new info. Don't worry about that. That's why it's called "coming out" cause you have to be told. You cannot guess if a person is a lesbian, bisexual, or gay because they look/are like everybody else other then this new element to them.

It's good that you still see that it is your same friend and just new info about her feelings and life. I bet if you just told her how you feel and what's going though your mind then things will figure out. Tell her you were shocked, but now your over that and want to talk to her about it or her life over the last 5 years or the zoo or whatever (lol), just talk again. Catch up.

If you are still in some shock and need more info about being a lesbian, bisexual, gay, or queer then check out the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) or PFLAG. You could turn into a great GLBTQ supporter/friend.

Just give yourself a break and talk to your friend truthfully.

Answer 3

Wow!! It looks like this friendship could have hit a nerve slightly deeper than basically friendship. ( I had a chum who actually broke my heart some years returned--i think of I permit myself develop into in common terms slightly TOO infatuated with him). i'm able to work out being disillusioned, yet suicidal suggestions and thoughts of worthlessness are no longer probably justified. you acquire used! it relatively is the long and in need of it! you're no longer valueless--from the sounds of it, you're making a rather good pal. yet there are multiple human beings available who will take great element approximately you--i assume you have figured that out by utilising now, although. circulate on--it relatively is the only thank you to get by way of such situations--evidently such as you have a minimum of one authentic pal--he became into honest with you approximately being naive--i might persist with buddies like him, and you will locate which you will probable commence feeling greater acceptable approximately your self quickly.

Answer 4

I'd give you a long detailed answer but I'm really tired right now so I'll give you the shortened version.

Go to your friend. Tell her you are incredibly sorry. Tell her you were shocked and just needed time to digest. Ask her if you can make it up by going and having lunch and catching up on each other's lives.

Answer 5

Try to talk to her. Apologize for ditching and explain that it took you off guard when she told you that she is a lesbian. It sounds as if it's not an issue that she is....just came as a surprise. Be honest and tell her that. then be open to hearing about her, her life, her girlfriend etc etc. Good Luck.

Answer 6

If you want to continue the friendship, contact her and apologize; tell her you were blind-sided by the information and had never had to process something like that before; now that you have, you want to renew the friendship and you hope she'll be patient with you as you learn and adjust your world view.

If I were in her position (and I have been) I'd appreciate the honesty and welcome the friendship and the effort it took to reconnect.

Good luck!

Answer 7

darling. u need to apologize to her pronto! now u do know better, don't go there again. anyway, what does ' who u sleep with' , or how much, does it define u? very little. so just get over it and move along. I hope u are able to keep this friendship. that is what is important-- not which sex one does or does not sleep with. kim

Answer 8

Well, it sounds like you were surprised by the information, and shocked, and you just got out of the situation. Now, you can certainly approach her again and apologize if you'd like to keep her friendship.

Answer 9

Well, if you are uncomfortable with her sexual oriantation streight out tell her. Tell her that you just aren't comfortable being around her when she is with a girlfriend and you would rather hang out with her when she is alone. Also tell her that you would rather not talk about that kinda stuff when you are with her. If she is a real friend she would understand that.

Answer 10

just tell her that your sorry for acting the way you did, you were just a little shocked, and you really hope that you two can get past it. don't worry my sister is one and i totally freaked so if she really your friend she should understand...