How responsible are you for your spouses emotions?

Question

I like to think that I'm 100% responsible for my own thoughts and feelings and my partner his, but we must be supportive. Many answerers seem to think that they're responsible for how their spouse feels, especially when it comes to jealousy and that their behaviors or ways of being must change to accompany that. I disagree and think that if my partner is jealous, that's his problem and I can only support him, through reassurances, but not changing my behavior as jealousy is often illogical, in dealing with it. What do you think?

Answer 1

You are very responsible for how your spouse feels. Isn't that why you married him/her for ? To take care of each other. You should talk to him and understand why he feels the way he / she does and definetely value his feeling. If they are irrational, you should communicate and try and make him/ her understand. If anything in your bahavior gives out the wrong message, you need to be more careful. If you value this marriage enough, you should care.

Answer 2

I think you are right in explaining about being responsible for your spouse's emotions. I f a Spouse is the jealous type, and he is always finding ways to tell his Partner how he feels, is his own responsibility and not his Wife, because when a Husband tries to get angry and wants his Wife,to know about it, I think it is his own doing and should not lay a guilty trip on his Wife. I remember back then, when I was a newlywed, and my Husband took me grocery shopping, I met a male friend of mine, that was like a Brother to me when I was in Junior High, and when we met in that Grocery Store, I felt like I had commited a Sin just for talking to him, maybe because my Husband was the jealous type, and he did not like anyone talking to me or looking at me. I always avoided meeting someone from my past to avoid any argument my Husband and I might have.I wished I had been more mature back then, and would have handled his Jealousy, better, but I was 16 years old, and the only thing I wanted was to appease him in any way I could. That went on for a long time, we are now, as they say Old timers, and been married for 49 years to date. I thank God, for all this wonderful years together.

Answer 3

I agree that one is not 100% responsible for another's thoughts, but I also think you are making an illogical leap.

Using jealousy as an example, it seems like you are saying, "I know my husband is jealous of my relationship with ____, but that's his problem. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and %#$%him"

Marriage is about compromise. If he is jealous of you (or vice versa), then the two of you have to find a solution that is acceptable for both of you. Otherwise, this jealousy problem goes unresolved and becomes and obstacle for the two of you.

Answer 4

Look here is some personal info. My husband of 12years was very faithful and let the world know I was his lovey. One day he cheated on me and broke my heart. 6months have passed since then, and he has left me alone to deal with it. Jealousy can't leave my mind. I never had these feelings. I have always been supported of him. If you are supported and taken care of why not step up and do that for the one you love. If she is Jealous talk to her. Talking goes along way with us (women). She may feel insecure about something you can give reassurance too. Don't close the door to her feelings if you care for her. Take it from someone who knows.

Answer 5

we are all responsible for our own emotions but when it comes to jealousy, both side have to examine where they stand. If George is jealous of his wife, Alice, or her behaviors, he has to examine those feelings and see if they are founded in fact or imagination and Alice has to examine whether she is doing something to make him jealous and either change the behavior or reassure him that he has no reason to be jealous and then it is his responsibility to either admit the jealousy is illogical or convince Alice that she is doing something which gives him the right to be jealous. If she finds on thinking about it that something she is doing could lead him to be jealous she then may have to change somewhat because she discovered that his jealousy may not be totally illogical, based upon her actions.
all that even confuses me and I wrote it. lol
It all boils down to if you have faith and love the other person you will not be jealous on one hand nor do things to make your partner jealous on the other and if either is jealous, it is time for mutual support and reassurances in a one on one conversation in order to get passed that.

Answer 6

No one can make anyone else do or say or feel things they don't, you are responsible for your own actions etc. BUT, if you have a spouse, and you know what their insecurities are, if it were me, I wouldn't do/say anything that would feed into the insecurity only reassure as you stated.

Answer 7

i agree with you. if you think that you are responsible for someone else's, and they are responsible for yours...then somehow not only are you NEVER held accountable for your feelings, but another person gets to blame you for how they feel all the time. that's horrible!!!

i think that everyone makes a choice to feel the way they do. and...let's say your husband forgets your birthday...does it make you sad? yes, sure. but you can't do anything but make the choice to move on. on the other hand....should your husband have considered your feelings and made an effort to remember? yes. it's not fair that he forgot and hurt you....but you have to be responsible for your own feelings and make a choice to get over it.

Answer 8

each person needs to take responsabley for there actions but many need help on this from there spouces . times like this i am glad to be single myself...

Answer 9

I am not responsible for my wife's feelings. I am responsible for listening to her when she shares them, and she is responsible for sharing them when they need to be shared. And vice versa.

Answer 10

jealousy is from control and insecurity issues the jealous one has...