I would like her to not contact me and have replied to her with the info of the like. I am still in love, and our seperation I hoped would be a time of sould searching, not relationhip abandoning. MY hus. and I have children, are both a decade older than this woman, and we have two kids. How do I respond to her when she contacts me without sabotaging my self respect? I do not want to make any waves, and am still in a lot of shock thats its even happening.
Thanks in advance.
2007-10-16 14:38:28 · 18 answers · asked by erock 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let her contact you all she wants. She wants you to respond so she doesn't feel guilty. Don't go there. Do not respond to her in any way shape or form. you do not have to engage her at all.
It's not an easy thing to do, but do it. By ignoring her you are not validating anything that she does with your spouse. Do NOT discuss her with your spouse either. She is NOTHING to you. remember that NOTHING.
These relationships usually don't last. But it doesn't mean you'll get your marriage back either. But the less you talk about her, discuss her, listen to her and engage her... the MORE empowered YOU will feel. Trust me. Try it
Good luck
And go to this website and read this book. Worth it . It might not save your marriage but it will give you confidence to do what is best for you and your kids.
2007-10-16 14:48:43 · answer #1 · answered by teritaur 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The problem isn't the girlfriend, it's your relationship with your husband.
1. Take a long, hard, honest look at your relationship with your husband. It's clear that he's not "soul searching." It appears that you both have different ideas about what the separation is meant to accomplish. He has made a choice; you need to ask yourself what it is about your husband that makes he worth staying married to.
2. Simple solutions for the girlfriend: there's nothing to talk to her about. Change your number or get another phone line and let the other phone go into voice mail. Block her number. File a report with the phone number that you're receiving harassing calls from her. Bottom line, there are too many ways for you to avoid contact with her. Pick one.
3. Talk to a counselor to find out why you don't want to "make any waves" and to help you deal with your inability to deal with the state of your marriage. You will probably find clarity, perspective and self-respect in the process.
4. Talk to a lawyer to make sure you are protecting yourself and your children during this separation. Unless you are financially able to support yourself and your family, you should really consider a separation agreement. If your husband is thoughtless enough to involve himself with a 21 year old, he can be equally reckless when it come to your shared financial responsibilities (mortgage, savings, retirement, children, etc.) Don't let your emotions blind you from protecting yourself.
Maybe this is a short term situation and you and your husband will reconcile. Until he indicates that he wants to come back and is serious about mending your marriage, you should go into self-preservation mode in order to avoid further heartache.
2007-10-16 22:07:39 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two things: 1- Why do you still want him? He has made a choice and it's obviously not you. So cut your losses, take the kids, the house, the car, the money and tell him to get the HELL out of your life.
2- Why do you even bother with the girlfriend? Advise her that if she talks to you or your children you will get a restraining order on her. You have nothing to say to her. How can she affect your self-respect? You would have far more if you told her in no uncertain terms that you wanted nothing to do with her and hang up or walk away, whichever is the case.
Why don't you want to make waves? That thought blows my mind. You should make all the waves you want.
Get a good divorce lawyer, save all her text messages, emails or whatever form of written communication she has with you or him if possible and let them ride the big one all the way to the middle of the ocean and then drown in their own desire.
2007-10-16 21:52:27 · answer #3 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Hi...his relationship with her will most likely not work...she still has a lot of growing up to do...i am confused as to why she is contacting you...has it got anything to do with trying to hurt you by making it clear she has your husband...if so tell your husband this...i know you are seperated but if he has any love for you he will make her stop it...you had the seperation for a reason which you haven't stated but you need to think long and hard and find out if you want him back...if you do then go out and win him back...that may involve seducing him back into your bed...having said that don't allow him to sleep with both of you...at the moment he is on an ego trip and i am sure deep down he knows when it fails he has you to fall back on...tell him you will wait but not forever...take careand good luck
2007-10-16 21:53:18 · answer #4 · answered by hanz2602 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, i realize that your still in love with your husband and you both have kids together. But you both obviously got separated for a reason. Maybe his "soul searching" was realizing he didnt want a relationship with you anymore... no offense i;m just playing devils advocate... As hard as it may be you need to accept the possibility that this woman your husband is dating may be a part of your life and your childrens life and you should make the best of it and not cause any unecessary turmoil between you and your husband or you and his girlfriend
2007-10-16 21:47:12 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I assume she is contacting you about the children, etc? Tell her you are separated, not divorced and really have no reason to communicate with her; anything pertaining to the children is between you and their father. If she is contacting you for other reasons simply say - I chose to communicate with people I respect and admire, ,as you are not one of them, please do not contact me again.
2007-10-17 01:15:44 · answer #6 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell the little gold digger to find someone her own age and stop trying to steal your husband.Or ask her if it disgusts her to have sex with a man who could be her father.Or just act classy and tell her you are only concerned about your childrens well being and have no issues with her.Or just tell her That your kids are your number one priority in life and that if she has any respect for your children shed be a lady about it and not be sleeping with your husband knowing that its taking time from him spending quality time with his kids.
2007-10-16 22:01:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let her know that you really have nothing to talk about. She knows that you are still married and shouldn't even be contacting you. You are not friends and she is a home wrecker. Just be strong and pray.
2007-10-16 21:55:17 · answer #8 · answered by moonchild 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds to me like she is rubbing it in that she has your hubby.Kick them both to the curb and you wont have to worry about it anymore.You deserve better than that honey.You don't need that in your life.
2007-10-16 21:47:46 · answer #9 · answered by flavagirl 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like that.s called harraserment get a local j.p. to serve her on this and let that so called husband know what she did as well my opion?
2007-10-16 21:49:29 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋