What happened if a couple live together before getting married? I had a very bad experiences and regret to let my bf moved in with me, I lost all my respect to him... now we are breaking up..... I am not sure if this is my problem or it is just not a good idea to live together before married? Please share your experiences. Thanks.
2007-10-16 14:28:39 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Perhaps it's better that one realizes she can't live with a man before she marries him. Would you rather be married and then come to lose respect for him? Then what are the options? Divorce? It seems better to find out if you can live under the same roof as someone before you are legally joined to him.
2007-10-16 14:33:30 · answer #1 · answered by RIck T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it this way, isn't better that you find out before there are legal documents saying you can live together and then the messy divorce, fighting over possessions and all the other stuff.
Living together I feel is a great way to know if it actually is what both parties want. During the dating stage, people are generally on their best behavour. But once two people are living together day and night they discover things about each other that never appeared before. Most people who choose to live together before marriage do much better after the vows have been said.
As far as respect goes, you respected yourself and him enough to give you both a chance at lasting happiness and love. So it didn't work out this time so what. Love is a crazy seesaw with it's ups and downs. No one has a perfect marriage, there are always problems that arise. It's not the problems, it's how we deal with them. So by living together we get the understanding of how each other reacts in different situations. And if we can't deal with the other person in some ways, if we can't compromise, if we can't look beyond those little idiosyncracies we all have then best to find out sooner than later.
2007-10-16 14:40:24 · answer #2 · answered by Cliff R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Newlyweds have problems because they don't know how to live with eachother. This is why it is said that the first year of marriage is the hardest. The first year of living together, may also be the hardest, so you need to be commited before living together, married or not.
You may have looked at statistics that show that couples who live together divorce at a higher rate than couples who do not, but recent statistics show this isn't true anymore. In cases where it is true, it's usually because couples have unrealistic ideas about marriage such as getting married will fix their problems or that their roles as partners change after having a ceremony. It may also be because couples who live together get married to have children and it has been shown through numberous studies that children cause marital stress and unhappiness. In fact, couples are happiest pre-child and after the child has moved out (usually 18 to 25 years later). Why do you think there are so many divorced people with children??
2007-10-16 14:34:56 · answer #3 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I once heard from a well known phycologist that more marriages last when the couple did NOT live together first, statistically. But I think every situation is different. Lots of people live together first before getting married. I've done it twice, one breakup-one divorce. I think if you date a person for a long time and really get to know them there may not be a reason to live together before getting married. Many people will say it is like a trial run but you should know just about everything about the person you are going to marry anyway or it's too soon to marry them.
2007-10-16 14:35:38 · answer #4 · answered by MJ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know you will get a "religious" answer or forty-seven, telling you that no one should ever live together before marriage. Welcome to our not-so-perfect world!
I'm guessing you might have rushed things a little, and that is probably more likely the younger you are.
I never would have thought I would "move in" but then again I could not have forseen getting aquainted on the internet--which I would now highly recommend. What a great way to screen people you wouldn't want blundering into your life!
Yes, I tried things the 'conventional' way. Married a 'nice' hometown girl from a 'nice' family--seemed to have it all, even the white picket fence and 2.5 children.
Lost it all. Married MUCH too long to the wrong person [How often have you heard "stayed because of the kids?"] who turned out to be a self-righteous, driven perfectionist daughter of manipulative alcoholic parents, who, when she wasn't "sleeping with Prince Valium" was sleeping with other men.
Sure, I lost everything materially--which gave me the opportunity to re-invent myself. After a couple of unfortunate relationships, I was introduced to my partner on line. A year later, we are comfortable together--a couple of 'old farts' getting a kick out of life, not caring what anyone has to say about it!
2007-10-16 14:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by Gryphon Noir 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've actually been living with my boyfriend for over a year now, and it's been a very good experience. We take care of our own bills, but work together as a team to get house things done. We both have steady jobs, but still have time to cuddle and watch a movie before bed. We do date nights (we try every week, but sometimes we get pretty busy), anything to keep the spark there.
If there's no spark, there's no relationship. If there's no relationship, there's no sense moving in together - or getting married for that reason.
Living together has only shown me that I want to marry him that much more. I think it's a good thing to live together before marriage.
2007-10-16 14:32:35 · answer #6 · answered by your_star_03 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why aren't you the one who moved in with them?, they don't have a place or what?. If that's the case and you have your place, you are the provider, you are inverting roles in here, probably why you lost respect for him. That says the kind of man you date, and the kind of woman you are. It's a good idea to live together, but is a bad idea to get married. Watch out for states where after certain time is like you are legally married. And if you are planning on getting married, to what I don't see the reason, it's a good thing to live together and know for sure with who you are dealing. You don't want a box of surprise after papers are signed.
2007-10-16 14:41:23 · answer #7 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i believe it is a good idea, to test the relationship to see where its going. The same thing could happen if you got married then lived together. You would end up in a divorce. Its better to say if you are good together. If you guys cant live together as boyfriend and girlfriend then you probably wont last long married. Its better to break up then to have to get a divorce.
2007-10-16 14:34:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I lived together before we were married. We are very glad we did. It was the roughest 6 months of our relationship because we had to "adjust" to the other one and also needed to learn how to fight fair (without the screaming, yelling, name calling, bringing up old issues, etc).
We have now been together more than five years and married 6 months...not long, but long enough to know we did the right thing.
Honestly if it ended now, it probably would have ended if you had moved in after you were married. And moving out is a lot cheaper than a divorce.
2007-10-16 14:33:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well....I'm a psych major, and we had a discussion about this once. Our teacher said that as people live together, they get used to each other and when they get married there is really no excitement because after the party-ing, you go back to living the same way as before, nothing changes.
It is actually a fact that couples who lived together before marriage have a greater chance at getting a divorce than those who didn't, something that before the lecture I thought false.
2007-10-16 14:34:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋