well this was almost 5 months ago ... my husbands friend well he wont ever come by if he know what is good for him my husband took care of that..... and i am really sorry ,, i dont know what i can do to prove it to my husband ...i wnat it to go back to how we were we have 2 great kids and he loves them we have had fights since then and he never says a word about me cheating i do love him help please
2007-10-16 13:07:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's just going to take time to get your relationship back to where it was before you cheated. You may be fighting because you have NOT discussed the cheating. You may need to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart talk about how incredibly sorry you are and then follow through with never doing it again. If you ever see his friend again, be very chilly. Don't ever let your guard down or trust his friend again. You have two great kids that need BOTH parents and kids thrive best when both parents are happy and in love with each other. Also, spoil him for a while.
2007-10-16 13:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by 2littlegirls 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When one partner or the other cheats, of course, there is a betrayal of trust that takes a long time to repair. By a long time, I mean it could take years to get back what the two of you had. With time and work, mostly on your part, you can get back the part of you as a couple that yo miss so much. Just make sure you go the extra mile to show him how much you love him and how badly you want this. He sounds like a great guy to NOT throw this back in your face and I'm sure he loves you also. Remember, just like the occurrence of your affair, WHEN he forgives you completely is left completely to chance. You can't cheat on someone and then tell them okay, I'll give you 6 months to get over this and expect after 6 months, all is well. You have to earn your way back into his trust/heart. Good luck and remember, no pain, no gain. Don't give up your marriage -- keep working everyday towards forgiveness.
2007-10-16 21:02:18 · answer #2 · answered by ursobustedmr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sharee, I am sorry you are struggling with this issue. When we hurt our spouse this way, we suffer too. It's important that you feel such remorse, but remember that if you can't forgive yourself, he will dwell too. Be brave and fight for your man. Your family depends on your work and sincerity. Counselling, even through your church clergy (free) is important when your spouse knows you cheated. Sadly, it was your burden to bear but he now has to bear it also.
As far as things never being the same......well, today is today and we never have yesterday to relive so make tomorrow better than today. Don't try to go back to "how it once was", because that is like living in the past and mourning a loss, when you have a whole lifetime ahead to build trust and love. A marriage is always a work in progress and needs attention and focus. Don't be afraid that he can't or won't forgive, live each day for the gift it is and you will not have regrets over time lost and wasted needlessly. Best of everything.
2007-10-16 13:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by leeza_peeza 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be able to repair your marriage, but it will NEVER be the same. Even if another word is never spoken about the cheating it will always be there just under the surface. That is a betrayal of trust like no other with most of the the population. You need to focus on making your marriage better than before. Let's face it, if things were so wonderful before you would have never cheated to begin with.
2007-10-16 13:24:10 · answer #4 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get everything out in the open and ask him if he can forgive you and maybe start over. Couseling is what you need. You have violated the trust of your marriage, treating this problem like the elephant in the room no one will talk about is not going to make things better. You need to acknowledge the damage this has done to your family, and if that means him not trusting you for long time or maybe never, you will have to own that. It will never go back to the way it was, you cant undo this, and I know that is painful. You need to let him tell you what you did to him, let him yell, or what ever, he needs to be able to get this monkey off of his back. He probably hasn't spoke of it because he cant deal with it at this point, but he needs to be allowed to do it and know that he can. I hope you two can work this out, but you also need to be prepared for the worse. Peace
2007-10-16 13:32:13 · answer #5 · answered by julianna76301 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband cheated, but it took me over a year to start to trust him again, so, time will take care of it all. Just so you are showing him that he will never have to worry about you doing it again, giving him much attention and love; he will know it to be true and trust you again. He is obviously putting it all in the past, where it belongs; now you have to do the same and forgive yourself; he already has.
2007-10-16 13:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by pussycat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just do everything you can to show your husband just how much he means to you & how happy you are with him. It's the little things that mean a lot. If you can, call him at work to just tell him you love him. Put notes in his pockets that you love him. Put the kids to bed early one nite & have a special candle lite dinner for two. Dress up for him & make him feel special. Treat him w/TLC. The past w/slowly disolve into the past. Just don't do anything that he'll suspect differently of you. W/your reassurance of your love for him, things w/get back to normal again. You just try to put it out of your mind. You're sorry, it's over, won't happen again, & that's that. You start your new beginning. It's all in your hands, give it your all & give yourself a chance to be happy again. There's no reason why it can't be like it once was. Go for it...
2007-10-16 13:30:37 · answer #7 · answered by Sue C 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't get it do you? It will never go back to what it was, you violated his trust on a level that is almost beyond repair.
*Very few* marriages can survive adultery, eventually it will eat away at your husband to the point he walks out.
The children are the only reason he's staying and in time, even that won't be enough to save the marriage.
2007-10-16 13:23:50 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any person in their right mind would never forgive a cheater.
If you "really love him" you wouldn't have cheated. All I can suggest that you do is to ask him if he would go into counseling with you to try to make it work.
Notice how the people who say "the past is in the past" are usually the ones who f 'd up in the past?
Was it worth it??
2007-10-16 13:41:41 · answer #9 · answered by a79ggirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust, once damaged, is easily no longer regained. He would opt for you back with each and every of the products of his being, yet understandably worry you doing that to him back. you may say you're sorry till you're blue contained in the face, yet deeds are what's going to win him over. in case you opt for him back, and he's open to speaking, start up with the little issues, calling him/calling him back once you're saying you'll, being truthful about something else contained in the previous think about lied to him about, etc. it really is gonna be your in basic terms wish, extremely, is to instruct you're literally truthful. strong luck,
2016-10-21 07:02:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋