My husband and I seem to have run out of things to talk about....?

Question

My husband and I have been married since May of 2007. He is in the army and has been stationed in Korea since June 2007. He and I used to have great communication, talked about everything, but lately whenever we talk, there is a lot of silence on both sides. I'm at a loss for what to do. I have asked him if anything is the matter, and he says nothing is bothering him or upsetting him. Yet it continues...I don't know how to keep our connection strong with so much distance between us, especially so early in our marriage. Any advice?

We talk everyday almost...sometimes 2 times a day.

It isn't out of disinterest. He asks me about work and school and tells me about his army stuff. I think that I expect more from him than I am getting. He used to be so open with his feelings, and now he just bottles them up. Our conversations seem empty to me without them, and it makes me look forward to his calls less and less, which contributes to my lack of talking during the conversations. I love my husband very much, and he loves me very much, we want to make this work. He just has forgotten how to open up to someone it seems.

Answer 1

It could just be that him being in the army, well, things that happen there men just don't bring home to their wives you know.

It is really hard keeping things interesting in a marriage. If all the talk is about are diapers and bills and money woes it is going to get dull fast. You know men they think all women do is nag, nag, nag. So you don't want things to go that route.

You need to get out and have some fun and do the things you did before you got married.

Sometimes in being with other people you get to see things in your husband that he may not show you at home when it's just the two of you and vice versa. Maybe that will give you a little insight into what has changed in him.

It could just be at home he feels safe and can relax and shut down and maybe that is all he is doing.

Did things really change or is it just that now that you are "settled" and there aren't any outside distractions (nor the rush of all the marriage plans etc.) that you are finally face to face with each other?

Sometimes it's hard when you hit that point in your relationship, but it is usually within months after marriage that you realize you're in a different zone now. Most marriages end by year 2. I guess couples try to work things out for a while but give up.

It's just the beginning. Marriage is hard work. If you aren't both willing to try then it's not going to work.

Don't have kids yet. Having them is NOT going to change things, just push them out of the picture while you have new things to dwell on.

Just try to bring some romance and fun into your marriage. This is where you start building on it. It's going to take some time and you really do need to start talking, even if what you have to say is hard to say.

PS, all these ladies have given you great advice, especially the one above me! That is the way to stay in touch by making him a part of your life every single day even though he is not there. How can he forget you when every day thoughts of you thinking of him are hitting him from every which way? ♥

If he is still overseas take that advice and make it your own and remind him that he has something great in his life as he needs to cling on to thoughts of home.

Answer 2

You are not telling us if this silence is out of disinterest on both your parts. If it is just him, remember the army guys go through so much and this can lead to depression or numbness of the mind. Try talking even if you are doing most of the talking because, trust me, communication is a key item in marriage, without it you might as well give up now,

Answer 3

I have been where you are right now. Long distance relationships just suck, there is no way to sugar coat it. Personally when it started to get to the point where our phone conversations sounded like we were virtual strangers is when I panicked and spoke to a friend of mine about all of it. She actually gave me some great advice. Write him a love letter, write down all of the things you think about when you think of him, writed down the little things that happen from day to day that make you think of him, such as a song on the radio, a movie you know he would love etc... It doesn't have to be award winning prose, this is just for you. Write down your favorite times you have spent together, just things you love to remember etc...Before you call him again sit down and read what you wrote, add to it if you can, and when you hear his voice it will bring back alot of the feelings that have gotten diminshed form the distance. I am by no means the Dr. of Love, but this worked for us, I hope you try it. Peace.

Answer 4

What are you expecting from the guy? He is in a foreign country serving in the military. There really isn't much he has to talk about and perhaps some things he sees he can't bring himself to talk about.

When my father was serving away he wanted to hear my mother go on and on about the boring details of her day. From the time she woke up to the time of his call. Just to hear her voice so he could forget for a moment where he was. She got a puppy so she would have something more to say and gave reports about the goofy things the puppy did until I was old enough to get around and get into stuff. Then she really filled his ear and he loved it!

She even admitted to talking dirty from time to time!

Answer 5

I married a Marine when I was 18 and we were apart for 6 months when he was in Okinawa. I was pregnant with our first baby and what I did was write to him everyday. This was before computers, so I wrote. I told him about everything. I even recorded myself talking to him and send it to him so he could hear me just rattling on about stuff. I also sent him a lot of care packages. Send him things that he likes to show him you still remember. I know the tv shows over there were really minimal, so I recorded some of his favorite shows. If you have a job, it will help greatly because then you can talk to him about what you do. Ask him about life in Korea and ask him to send you some things that are from there. On one of my husband's deployments, he sent my son those Poke' Mon balls that Burger King came out with before they were released in the states. He also sent him Japanese Poke' Mon cards before they were released here too. My daughter was sent Hello Kitty items. Even if you don't have kids, he can send you different things. One time my husband recorded himself reading a book to my daughter and then he sent the tape and the book to her so she could read it with him. Small stuff like that is what keeps you close. Being a military wife is hard with the seperations, but you just have to be creative in making it work while he's away. Good luck and before you know it, your husband will be back home.

Answer 6

Throw in some new subjects. What are his non-family interests? Is there a baseball or football team he follows? Just watch the baseball game tonight and tell him about it tomorrow, even if you never talked about baseball with him before. If that doesn't work, keep trying. Talk about the work you've done around the house if you've fixed something that normally he'd do. Good luck.

Answer 7

Any chance you can go see him? It seems that you both have been away from each other to long. You are newly married and really haven't gotten to spend a whole lot of time together......Keep talking don't give up.

Answer 8

Just talk about each of your days and the people each of you are around.
You do not allow e-mail I would like to ask you a couple questions about how you talk. My son is leaving for camp casey tomorrow. He is taking a calling card with him but told that his current cell phone does not get service. Just looking for how to talk cheaply. Please just reply here or e-mail me. Thanks. Ronny
[e-mail]

Answer 9

Talk about plans after he comes home.
Go on a virtual date>" If you were here, I'd meet you at the door with a cold beer...."

Answer 10

I'm not sure how often you two talk, maybe you should talk less. "Absence can make the heart grow fonder." Good Luck