When you lose your parents, you realize you are in a new world with a whole different slant on your identity. It's the emotions that are perfect for poetry. This is a poem about how empty a grave and the markings and the monuments are when you know you'll never see them again and you are as empty somedays as the grave is.
New Path
Barren and cold, it’s not without its own beauty
lying in an open field where dreams once were.
A simple marker, evidence of a complete lifetime
of experiences none of which will ever be known
except to those who look at it now with the pain
that it represents.
I bring flowers from time to time
only for them to die as well
but still the living pay homage
to the name and the space
as if this is really the place
where love lies in wait.
Empty house, empty heart
all that I knew is gone away
I must buy a new pair of shoes
it seems I’ll be walking another path.
2007-10-16 11:58:20 · 9 answers · asked by autumlovr 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Please, I invite you Cas, critique it honestly please. I was told here on YA to supply background for my poems and I did that. But everyone has a different slant. I invite your honest critique. It simply flowed, I did NOT work hard on it. It is simple expression.
2007-10-16 12:42:46 · update #1
Good.
The shoes part is the heart of it: we still have to go on with the everyday business of our own lives.
2007-10-16 13:56:53 · answer #1 · answered by sagacity incarnate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A warm memorial, but I can't help but wonder The marker
should tell more of the victory then the pain. And rather all that
I knew is gone-----
Empty house, left with echos
to store in attics of my memory
to fill my heart of pleasures past
to draw upon as I continue upon
another path unfamiliar --------------------what ever
The thing is I believe from my own losses, the heart is not
empty but full and empty at the same time as it is over whelmed with shock and grief. But it is your poem, Keep writing you have something to share. Blessings
2007-10-16 19:58:10 · answer #2 · answered by jenny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have been able to openly criticize this poem if you hadn't included the story behind it. Keep that in mind the next time you submit something on here -- I have a feeling a lot of the answers you get are going to be in sympathy for losing your parents rather what you were actually looking for -- what we thought of the poem.
2007-10-16 19:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is really moving and sad. It looks like quite a bit of thought was put into it.
I also love the ending two lines, it really ties the whole thing together. Beautifully sad and tragic.
Wonderful job! :)
2007-10-16 19:03:41 · answer #4 · answered by evanwhisper17 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It pulls at the strings attached to my heart. Making me think of my grandpa that recently passed. Get a good pair of shoes and enjoy any path that you walk.
2007-10-16 19:40:46 · answer #5 · answered by Mike 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good, except for the last bit about buying new shoes. It seems like you're trying to add a sarcastic fringe to your poem.
2007-10-16 19:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by Smittysama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow i really under stand lol
2007-10-16 19:57:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is terrific.
Excellent work.
2007-10-16 19:08:00 · answer #8 · answered by SeaWaveGreg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow, very very good
2007-10-16 21:29:46 · answer #9 · answered by Andy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋