We've been toegther for a long time and haev kids too.. i really love him alot wiht all my heart and i know he was drunk but still i question his trust and he gets mad at me for it
2007-10-16 11:12:17 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well u shouldnt have gotten married with him if he cheated on u in the first place. since u have kids i think u should leave him so they dont get the idea that thats how a woman is supposed to be treated.
2007-10-16 11:16:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
When you started typing the topic of your question a list would have appeared with similiarly worded questions with all the answers you needed to this repeatedly asked question.
Sweetheart for starters , using the fact he was drunk as an excuse , NOT ACCEPTABLE , all being drunk did was lower the wall of inhibition he would normally have ie:not having the balls to even attempt to cheat because he had no guts to do it thats why he drank so he could use that as his excuse.
What you should do is , stop allowing this excuse to be OK , make him tell you the whole truth about what happened and when he throws at you he was drunk reply oh so if I go out and get drunk I can F*** somenoe because I was drunk?.
Then kick his rear end to the curb , cheating once and forgiving maybe , but 3 time's wether you were married or dating or what ever NOT ACCEPTABLE EVER!!!!!Your giving him permission to cheat by forgiving him every damn time and accepting his reasons for cheating , has he blamed your lack of hunger for sex too? sheesh.
2007-10-16 12:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being drunk is no excuse. I suspect that you may have problems with your own confidence because you married him even after he cheated on you before the marriage, so get some counseling to build up your own confidence and get out and do things that help you build that up - join a bowling league, join a church group if you go to church, volunteer at a soup kitchen or other charity near you, or even learn to analyze handwriting online at handwriting wizard you can find that with a search online and it will help you analyze the handwriting of the next person you get involved with if you can't save the marriage. You can't trust this guy to not have another affair and that puts your life in danger if he has an affair, drunk or not - and brings home a disease.
One answer on here told of a man whose wife was having affairs who died because of a disease she contracted and passed on to him. Once you build your confidence, you may find what you think is love is only dependency and you will be happier leaving him and finding someone you can trust to love you and whom you will love. Good Luck to you!!
2007-10-16 11:26:57 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would leave....just because he was drunk shouldnt be an excuse....does that mean if you get drunk and have sex with another man that he would be like oh its okay....you wasnt right at the time. You deserve a little respect and it is plain and simple that he doesnt have any for you. A husband should always drink with you around or just with the guy...there should never be any other women around and if there is then he should know not to get so drunk he doesnt realize what he is doing.
2007-10-16 11:19:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First he gets to cheat on you and then he gets to get mad....You should get mad. Alcohol is an excuse and there are no good reasons. Mine cheated once and I still am working on trusting him and when he starts to get mad about my feelings I end the conversation so that he can think about what he is saying because he has no right to be mad at me for him cheating. I did not cheat, I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter that we planned. He has changed in that he knows cheating is not an answer to anything but how to get divorced.
2007-10-16 11:25:15 · answer #5 · answered by scsspace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't make light of your pain, but I also know for a fact that as painful as it is for you, it's not painful enough to you yet to propel you past this hole of stagnation you've dug for yourself. Why would I say that? Because he cheated on you before you got married, twice in fact, and you still chose to marry him, presumably expecting him "not to do it anymore." I think you've been making excuses for him all these years you've been together, so none of this is really surprising to you, is it? You mentioned of his latest indiscretion that he was drunk..you found it a significant enough point that you mentioned it twice. That's when I first suspected you have a habit of making excuses; that flowed out of you so naturally you probably didn't even notice it. He was drunk, huh? Lady, so f u c k i n g what, he still knows he's married, right?
I don't WANT you to hurt, but I'm suggesting you've gotten so used to this level of pain that it doesn't really faze you anymore....that's why I think things are unlikely to change....right now. Of course, you can easily prove me wrong...( I mean, it would serve me right for being so arrogantly presumptuous to think I could tell YOU about your situation). You could make THIS your stopping point and move off into a healthier direction. Go ahead, I dare you.
2007-10-16 11:30:51 · answer #6 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say no matter how much you love him, he is taking advantage of the love you have for him. Can he see the light? Sure but its going to take you doing something about it. Do nothing and forgive and he will almost likely do it again. Even if he was drunk he knew what he was doing! Kick his but out tell him to get his life together, during this seperation maybe he will realize what is a stake if he does it again and knows your serious. I know you have children, but the children also need to see that mommy is strong enough to stand up for herself (they need not know what happened), only that daddy did something that disresepected himself and your marriage. Maybe not even that detailed, but if you allow the kids to see you take it chances are they will (if girls) allow men in their lives to get away with it or (if boys) think that its okay. Also even young kids or teens regardless tend to know more than what we think they do about our marriages. I have been in your shoes and gave forgiveness, finally enough was enough. After being away for a while he has begged for forgiveness and sees what he had wasn't so bad and what he could loose, he is truly a changed man....but he changed himself, I did not change him for I do not have that power. Good luck and stay strong.
2007-10-16 11:23:50 · answer #7 · answered by 20+ years and still in-love! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to make a decision on whether or not you love him enough to be his door mat. He is obviously not sorry for cheating on you, because he continues to do it. I am surprised you married him in the first place. What's done is done. You can't beat yourself up over putting up with it in the past, but you can change your future. You also need to look inside yourself and find out what makes you put up with this from him. Why you don't feel enough self worth or importance to say ' I deserve better.'
2007-10-16 12:04:42 · answer #8 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You SHOULD dump the cheating husband. But, what you'll do is continue excusing deliberate cheating by calling booze an excuse. It's your business, but deep down, you know it's a lie. In order to let being drunk work as an excuse, you have to believe that he was out of his mind from booze, and would have cheated with a woman that was bald and older than his grandmother, or with a one eyed fat gay guy. After all, out of your mind, means out of your mind. Not minding being married to a cheating dog is your business, but don't lie to yourself. He is what he is.
2007-10-16 11:31:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take it from me... if they cheat before, they will continue to cheat afterwards. He certainly doesn't respect you or very many women. I know you have kids with him, but you are not getting what you need out of that marrage or relationship. Those kids are not getting a decent role model either. Do you want your children to grow up either thinking it's okay to cheat on their spouse? or grow up thinking its okay if their spouse cheats on them... either way, you are both setting an example for the kids. And, kids know when something is up between mom and dad. They pick up on the tention. At least seperate with him, and get your head on right. He will continue to cheat... hopefully you won't catch VD. I could almost promise... there's been more than this one.
2007-10-16 11:46:44 · answer #10 · answered by lester 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, he is a habitual cheater and he will do it again. Call a lawyer and get a divorce. His behavior won't change and he has NO remorse.
Being drunk isn't an excuse when you kill someone with your car. Why should it be a valid excuse when you break the heart of the people who love you.
2007-10-16 11:20:47 · answer #11 · answered by Poppet 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋