What do you think of Asian women who refuse to date Asian men?

Question

When you meet Asian women who refuse to date Asian men, what do you think? I'm not against interracial dating and marriage, but at the same time I find something perverse about the reasons these girls tend to give for their exclusive choices. They'll give answers like Asian guys are chauvinistic (which is a complete excuse); have small ***** (even though they've never seen one) not manly enough (but by that logic they'd all be after black guys..and most aren't); we're short (well you're short too), etc. Many seem to paint Asian men the same way the media does...in broad strokes, largely ignorant of his individual humanity. The only thing that makes sense to me is that they've internalized "white" standards and racism, but they're just not apt to seeing it. In her view, she's "made it" to the mainstream and that's all that matters. I see these kinds of women as analogous to a dog that thinks it's human, or she recognizes what she is but rationalizes her choices with shallow excuses?

As is evidenced by many of the idiotic, shallow, racist idiots who answered my question (not all...just about half), there is still a great deal of ignorance and sublte racism going on in the world. I take it that many of the people who answered my question were either Asian women who really do hate Asian men (and know just how terrible they are but don't want to admit it) or are racist liars (like the loathesome biotch who made the comment that the stereotypes about Asian men are justified...as if her simplistic idiocy could ever see beyond stereotypes)...or the one who said that Asian women are worth more than their male counterparts. It's so sad that people like this exist...my hope is that they die out soon and don't pass on their prejudice and hatred to future generations. Instead of confronting a real problem, they defend it and then spew hatred on Asian men. Also, some are so stupid they think I was calling Asian women dogs..it's called a metaphor, dumb@sses.

Answer 1

My boyfriend and I actually had this discussion very recently. Before he met me, he only dated white girls. Also, his brother and sisters all have white spouses. So, as you can tell, my boyfriend and I are actually (playfully) teased about being the only Asian couple in the family. Anyhow, to address your question. I think that all people have "preferences"; however, when these preferences cross the line into prejudice and racism, that's when I feel some people can be like "dogs who think they're human."

For instance, I prefer men with intelligence and humor. So yes, I have dated white men in the past. My boyfriend, on the other hand, before meeting me, preferred "hot girls". I guess, to him, white girls were the only ones that appealed to him at the time. But, he was attracted to me, so I think that means he had a "preference" for light haired, light skinned girls, but wasn't prejudiced. However, his brother REFUSES to date an Asian girl. He feels that they are "high maintenance" and "bossy". In his opinion, "white girls are much more laid back". So with him, I think this crosses the line into prejudice and racism. At this point, I feel embarrassed for him, because I wonder, "doesn't he realize his mother and sisters are Asian women?"

So, to answer your question (what do you think of Asian women who refuse to date Asian men?), I think it's perfectly fine when an Asian woman justifies her preference by saying that white men just look more attractive to her. I am more attracted to men with beautiful smiles! :] However, if she explains her preference by claiming that Asian men are too "chauvinistic, feminine, etc... I would see her the same way I see any other racist towards any other race: disgusted, offended, and pitiful to their ignorance. Except, in that specific case, I'd feel worse, because a person racist against members of their own race (assuming they came from a somewhat normal background) must be really ignorant to not realize the greatness of their own people.

Answer 2

Well, I think everyone is entitled to date whomever they want or are attracted to, regardless of the race. Whatever the reasons are behind their opinions shouldn't matter, even if it is a shallow one. Asian people are beautiful, men and women, and they tend to have a lot going for themselves so I think they should be happy with themselves and shouldn't be concerned with the shallow opinions of others. Sometimes, when a minority person does fall into the mainstream "white" way of thinking, it is not because theyre shallow but because they don't really know who they are themselves. A lot of minorities are made to feel insecure with their true selves and usually it's not done on purpose. Hopefully in time, they will grow to learn, love, and respect their identity and heritage but that's not what it's always about.

Answer 3

While you may see these 'excuses' as stereotypes, and you're right, that doesn't mean that there isn't validity to their reasons.

Just because it is a stereotype doesn't mean it isn't true for a large percentage of people.

I have many Asian male friends, and can say with certainty that the majority of them: a) are chauvinistic towards women, b) have smaller ***** (seen ample evidence of this in locker rooms, and c) are shorter than most black and white men. As for being less manly, I don't want to say this to be true, but Asian men dress better on average than most whites and blacks, and because of this they seem to be effeminate to most people.

Yes. These are broad strokes, and don't fit for all Asian men. But they are valid reasons and not just 'shallow excuses' like you say.

Asian women have a right to look for men who do not fit these criteria. Why would they go after Asian men if most Asian men are chauvinistic? Why go after Asian men if most of the Asian men they know fit these stereotypes?

Obviously you are an Asian man who has trouble finding an Asian girl who will go out with you. Maybe you don't fit these stereotypes. Maybe you do. Either way, GET OVER IT!!! These reasons are perfectly valid for Asian women. You're the 'dog acting like a human' for being so chauvinistic about this (exactly what these Asian women don't like). The problem is obviously YOU not THEM!!!

Keep looking and maybe you'll find an Asian girl who can overlook these reasons enough to give you a chance. But if you want to date an Asian girl, maybe you should pay attention to these reasons and a) act less chauvinistic, b) dress less effeminate, etc.

Answer 4

I have a friend who, until her most recent beau, only dated white men. She said it was simply who she was attracted to, nothing more or less.

Incidentally, the Asian guy she recently dated ended up being verbally and sexually abusive... However, I am not suggesting that that has anything to do with Asian men as a whole; it just turned her back off from them for the time. I'm just adding that in so every guy learns from it--when you abuse a girl, you are not only hurting every guy's reputation, but you are specifically hurting the guys who get "classified" with you, either by race, stereotype (emo, prep, etc.), or even just hair and eye color! If nothing else, be nice to your girlfriends so you don't ruin it for everyone else.

Answer 5

I could be... a whole number of reasons. Bad fathers, peer pressure, other social influences (who knows). I've heard them say asian guy's are to clique'ish... meaning they hang out in groups? What person is free from associating with anyone else forming some type of group? Size of pen*s... they should try it on for size before assuming it's too small. Even so who would want to date a woman who soul criteria is the size of a sexual organ. (I've never had any complaints)

Personally if they don't want to date me... I don't want to date them. (when I was single)

It's not so dissimilar to a bad work environment. You have a job where you're being passed up for obvious promotions, you are given unreasonable workloads and expectations... bad performance reviews when you know you carry the office on your shoulders... I'd tell them to "take this job and shove it!" Why would I want to date a girl who doesn't appreciate me! I see some bitterness in your words-- so just think of it this way "Let them enjoy the whips of their white masters!" and just ignore them. You enjoy your life, and let them enjoy theirs.

Answer 6

Its quite possible she has had some very bad experiences with asian men, and good experiences with white men. I know a black women who prefers white men and will not date black men. I know white women who love asian men, and black men. I dont think it has anything to do with the size of the genitals, or masculinity, or racism, or anyones standards. I think it has everything to do with the way a women is treated by a man. As they say, dont walk behind me, dont walk in front of me, but rather walk beside me.

Answer 7

as an Asian woman who is married to an African American man, I have to say that I never refused to date other Asian men, it's just that where I live, there aren't that many Asian men to date who aren't related to me. But besides that, in a mate, I looked far beyond race. I looked at how I felt with that person, whether I was attracted to that person and if that person treated me as a lady should be.

Answer 8

I just think they have their own preferences. Maybe they like big, burly men... which most Asian men are not. I, too, have my own preferences in body type and physical features, which, as a result, make me not interested in certain races. That doesn't mean I'm racist though, cause I befriend all of them... I just don't date some of them.

Every race has its own good and bad points, so don't worry too much about it.

Answer 9

Sucks to be stereotyped, doesn't it? (Yet you're doing it yourself .. she's internalized "white" standards and racism?) As if we're all racists? I think some Asian guys are hot.

I'd think they have preferences that don't include you. I don't like skinny men, it doesn't make me shallow - it means I don't like bone on bone action.

Don't try to rationalize someone's preferences or rationale. It diminishes you as a person.

Answer 10

a dog that thinks it's human? i mean your own racism is showing here, that you think asians are actually less ... comparing them to a dog that thinks its something it's not.

personally i think it's just you that the women don't want to date and they don't want to hurt your feelings personally so they just say they don't date asian men. if an asian man they liked came along they would probably date them. i'm guessing it's you.

and it's you that's rationalizing why women won't date you, too. something wrong with them,,,yeah, that must be it.

oh i just notice the other racist stuff - if a girl wanted a manly guy then obviously she'd be after black guys (you think black guys are more manly than white guys obviously)

i would see you as a throwback racist and i would never date you with attitudes like that.