Caught wife cheating while in Cancun. Should I let her take a cruise that Stops in Cancun.?

Question

I was not with her. The affair was on a company trip in Cancun 2003. She was the companies event coordinator and she hooked up with resorts event cordinator. Something was strange when she came home, after a couple of weeks I put a key logger on the computer. D-day.

We have managed, moved ahead as well as possible. He sends her emails on birthdays I have found out. She and her sorority sisters from 15 years ago are going a cruise. It stops in Cancun. Should I say no? It does bother me, she knows it. But all her girl friends from all over the US knows she has the time and money and she really wants to see them.

Wow, thanks for the responses. We have gone on seperate trips since that time. I feel comfortable that this was a one time event. She has tried to make things right to a degree. It is just a fact that affairs are wounds that do not totally heal. If this cruise did not stop in Cancun I really would not have a problem. As far as her work email, it is public and she cannot hide it.

I am not a pushover, we have 3 children and I do love her. But if it were to happen again, it would be over. Before I found out about the affair I would had been first to say see ya, but after it happen I did not totally feel that way.

Answer 1

You guys must have tried to work it out. Still together after 4 years is pretty good. Tell her what you just told us, see what she says.

Answer 2

The answer is a flat no. I hate how this society has started to make this kind of stuff seem OK. Its not, If you love someone then you shouldn't need anyone else. You can do everything this other man can do and then some! You can do much more cuz unlike him you truly love her. I'm not a forgive and forget kind of guy on the subject of cheating. It is very personal for me and it hurts way more than any words can describe. You need to tell her that this is not OK and that if she continues down this path she risk losing you and everything you have together. Is it really worth it for a fling with some guy at her work who could never love her the way you love her? Of course once you ask these questions make sure you are ready for the worst case scenario. You never know what is going to happen next. She could realize what she is losing and focus on making things better between the two of you or she can go the other way. No matter what, you do what you know to be right. We all have a sense of right and wrong. We all have a conscience. Listen to it and don't compromise your integrity to keep someone around who feels like they need more than you. Sorry dude I hope this wasn't to harsh, but I wish someone would have told me this kind of stuff sooner. Good Luck. I hope it all works out for the best!

Answer 3

No, dude, stop fooling yourself. She's found a way around the key-loggers and the like. She's still doing other guys, but probably just giving them head, so she doesn't get preggers and make it obvious. Sucks to be you. To boot, she's going on a cruise to the very place with her SORORITY SISTERS!!! She probs won't just go down on some guy alone, she and a friend or two will try to relive some old memories. Question is, does she suck you dry to make up for her actions? Or is that reserved for her lovers?

I think your only option at this point is to ask her if you can mark your territory and shoot some load all over her body after a long, intense oral with her sister kneeling beside her. Tell her that's the only way you'll know for sure.

Good Luck,

2pts.

Answer 4

I would be really hurt for the simple fact that she even brought up Cancun. I would especially be hurt to find out that he is sending her e-mails. If she were sensitive to your feelings she would change her e-mail address and not go on this trip, it is not as though Cancun is the only vacation spot.

It is possible to move on after infidelity, but she is the one that needs to regain your trust and simply show respect for your feelings, I would let her know how much this bothers you, and if she doesn't get it, than you guys should seek some counseling, if she wants to stay married. I wish you the best, but I really would let her know your feelings, don't keep it in, even though 4 years have gone by, that is something that is very hard to get over, if it is even possible to get over, you can forgive, but forgetting is the hard part. Good Luck.

Answer 5

If he still sends her emails on her birthdays then you are right to be concerned. Clearly some sort of relationship is continuing.

You can't stop her. You should not feel as though you have to control her to keep her from being unfaithful. This is something we have the right to expect from our partners without the need for monitoring. But look at your evidence. She cheated. Then she hid it from you. If you had to go through extraordinary measures to get the truth (key logger), then she probably denied it to your face (i.e. lied). Then you find out that her partner in crime has been emailing her on each birthday for four years since. Ergo, their cheating relationship has not ended, but is necessarily non-sexual at the moment because they are separated and you are monitoring.

The upcoming situation will place them together...without your monitoring. You are right to be very concerned and very suspicious. If it were me, and my marriage were at stake, I would hire someone in Cancun to keep an eye out. Seriously. You have more than reasonable grounds to do so. If nothing happens, good! No more of that and your marriage is on stable ground. But...you need to know. There is more than infidelity at stake here, there are diseases involved even if a condom is used, this is about protecting your health.

Tell the agent to call/email you as soon as he has evidence of infidelity, then immediately pick up your phone and call an attorney. You have proof and can file for divorce and temporary custody of the kids and house, present her with papers upon her return home and tell her to turn around and get back in the taxi with her bags- you will see her in court. Good luck with the man she chose over her family.

P.S. This could also get ugly for her at work. Her coworkers and/or bosses could be called to testify on her 2003 business trip, company records could be subpeonaed, I hope the other man is worth her husband, her children, and her career!

Answer 6

Wow - that is a tough one.

She knows how you feel, and she still wants to go. What is it going to do to your relationship if you say no? Do you trust her enough at this time to be ok with her going? How frequently are the trips with her sorority sisters?

There is nothing you can do at this time to stop the past. But if you say no, and she really wants to spend this time with her sisters, there is a chance she will resent you for saying no (now, whether she has the right to feel that way, or not, is somewhat irrelevant as we really can't help how we feel) which could create more issues.

I would sit with her, talk to her about this - reiterate how you are feeling, what your fears are, and what you think would happen if she were to stay home, or if she were to stay home. Hopefully you can come up with a resolution.

Good luck!!

Answer 7

Well, are all her friends are not her life partner. She should put into consideration that you have these feelings about her trip. Its part of the healing process, and even if it was in 2003, things like this still sting years after the fact. I say, let her know about how uncomfortable you are with this trip, but you have to learn to trust again. Don't stop her from going, this will be the ultimate test of her fidelity. And if it happens again, let it go because she will never change. Without trust, you can't have much of a relationship, and if you decided to work things out with her this means that you are willing to put your trust in her again.

Answer 8

Yes, because Cancun was not the problem. She was. If she is a cheater then the place is not the problem. I think that since you have chosen to put this behind you and mend your relationship you should give it your all.

I also think that if she were more mindful of your feelings she would not go when you are still so fragile.

Maybe you are willing to give your all and she is not.

Answer 9

the issue is not cancun, it is trust. you really shouldnt spy on her, and she certainly shouldnt cheat on you and lie. you guys might need some help. you just have to stop and determine if you are really happy with the situation. do you really want to be with a woman that you have to check up on? what do you think she would do if she could get away with it and not get caught? you just need to figure out how much you are willing to put up with. when i was in this situation i left. good luck.

Answer 10

I give you major props for even trying to work past all that. I would be concerned, especially if she is still keeping in contact with this man. If you are not comfortable with the idea of her going, express that to her and don’t be a sucker about it. Let her know that Her marriage is on the line and that if she wants to be with this other man then she needs to let you go. Men usually get the worst of things for cheating, but women do it just as often if not more. I would th9nk you may want to try marriage counseling and she what a counselor would say about the idea of her returning to the scene of the crime. This may just be the line in the sand you need to draw.

Answer 11

I'll say this, if your wife can't understand why it would bother you for her to return to Cancun WITHOUT you after she betrayed the marriage she needs a foot up her ask! She has to understand that currently it's all about restoring the trust in the marriage. YOU should come first. Her Sorors should understand.....depending on what Sorority she belongs to. Not all Greeks are as fabulous as ALPHA KAPPA ALPHA....SKEEE-WEE!