What the hecks going on here?

Question

Im not sure if I'm sexually into my husband anymore!?! I never get arouse or want to have sex, he asks me constantly if I love him, or if I'm cheating on him. Which I do love him, and I would never cheat on him. Our sex life is so predictable and always goes basically his way...I don't know. I just can't help but think if there is a problem or if this is marriage. HA

Answer 1

My wife and I went through this a few years ago. I'd guess you have children too, and lots of stress. Pardon the lingo, but I remember a phase where I was just getting my rocks off - and my wife wasn't into it. We lost the spark - but good news - we found it again!

I got lucky and found something out - when I kiss her and hug her, and send flowers, and treat her special - she loves making love. It excites her when she is loved by her man. When I love her outside of the bedroom - she can't wait to get me in bed.

Oh, and I do more dishes and laundry now than before. When she used to say she is tired - she was right. I do more things around the house - and she honestly has more energy for me!

Make him feel special and see if you can convince him to replace his insecure comments with romantic comments. Get him alone (outside the bedroom), sip some wine, share some inner feelings and secrets (to make him feel more secure). Park and make-out!

I think this is typical, ie: you are not more problematic than anyone else. It's just a little undesirable - but it can be good again.

Answer 2

Maybe you should try to spice things up. If you feel he is predictable then why don't you try to change what goes on in your bedroom (or wherever you want to be at the time). There are tons of books out that you can read on how to spice up the bedroom. Start there.

I've been married for almost 9 yrs and there is nothing predictable or always his way about our sex life. I've been where you are but decided to take charge. People seem to think married sex has to be boring or the same ol as always. A little imagination (and in my situation letting my hubby know I'm still just as wild in the bed as I was when we dated and like it that way-sometimes) will really go far.

Answer 3

Sounds like you're bored and need some spice in your life. How about role playing or going on an exotic vacation? Try doing some new things that would be adventurous for the both of you. You have to work on things like this or you WILL end up cheating to fill that void or just being unhappy for a long time. Life is too short for that. Im trying to work on my situation right now because time is a ticking away. lol Im not getting any younger.

Answer 4

I have given this advice to men so often, but it of course applies equally to women. If its not happening in the bedroom, ask yourself what is wrong out of it. For a woman, the feeling of sexiness starts long before the bedroom, or it doesn't start at all.
Are you feeling appreciated? Does he still make you feel special? Does he help out around the home? Or does he come home from work, sit on the couch (or whatever) ignoring you, and still expect fireworks in the bedroom?
Is it possible for you to have some "Me" time, before the bedroom? For some that can mean just a relaxing bubble bath, while he looks after the kids or whatever. For some it might be a treatment at the hairdressers, or a manicure. Whatever it takes to help you feel more womanly.
If you love him don't let this marriage go. Let him know what you are feeling, let him know what it is you want, and together perhaps you can both get more of what you need.

Answer 5

I think your husband would rather know that your sex life is a yawn than go around thinking you don't love him anymore or that you are having an affair! At least he can do something about the sex - and you never know, perhaps he is feeling this too. My usual suggestion to the boring sex life thing is for the couple to get a jam jar, write on little bits of paper all your desires, fantasies, positions etc (with our without diagrams - they are funny) and pop all the bits of paper in the jam jar. At naughties time, pull a bit of paper out and do what it says.....if you can stop laughing long enough (a great aphrodisiac), you might get some decent neenaw in too. Good luck.

Answer 6

Oh I wouldn't worry about it so hard. Sex is one of those things that after a while you get used to. It's just a fact of life. My fiance and I don't have sex nearly as much as we used to. The other thing of it is the chances are that your husband is in his sexual prime. You see men have their prime younger than women, you are more likely to be in your prime in your 30s to 40s. I'm not sure how old you are, but I mean that might make sense? Try this. To get rid of the routine, do something different. When he comes home from work surprise him with lingerie and model it for him. It may turn you on that he thinks you're sexy. Maybe try some foreplay, it usually puts me in the mood. Again, don't worry about it too much. This is just a sign that you are in a normal relationship ;)

Answer 7

Perhaps his insecurity is putting you off a bit. All relationships go through phases - not everyone is full tilt at all times, and you may just be in a lull. Are you stressed at work? Do you have children? Are finances a bother? Have you had a vacation lately?

When is the last time you went on a date? Could it be you're just worrying too much?

Relax. Maybe you two could start taking walks together after supper - exercise is good for the libido, and holding hands at sunset never hurt, either!

Answer 8

Ok, If you love you man, do yourself a favor and talk to him, let him know what your feeling and tell him what he can do to turn you on, he must be doing something to turn you off right now... Sometimes just the simple act of talking to one another will spark something again... Do you know what you like in the bedroom? Does he know what you like? Can you tell him you want to mix it up a little? Can you initiate something new? Next time your alone, and I mean all alone, make sure there is nothing to get in the way and say to him, " I have something to show you" and then take his hand, and lead him to the spot(s) on your body that you want him to touch during love makiing... He will probably not know what to do, think or say, so this is your oppertunity to take control... if you want it.. or you can just let him take over from there.

Don't let him forget that SEX is not just for men, you have needs too and if he wants you, he has to please you, then you will want to please him

Hope all work in your flavor

Answer 9

Try using different positions, try getting books to "spice up your s*x life", try talking to a therapist who can give you wonderful ideas and tools to make your marriage better again.

Honey, it is not you, your marriage, or your husband, you just need a little oomph!!!!

There are plenty of resources out there, I suggest you use them, and one way that is wonderful to get back in touch with eachother, is to plan a weekend getaway, go someplace romantic, and just the change of scenery will do you good.

Or if you can't get away try something romantic, like candles, soft music, some good wine, and slip into something romantic, and run a bubble bath and give him a massage with KY Jelly, they have that wonderful massage gel that really works and "heats" things up, if you know what I mean!!!!

Once he has that massage, he will be yours!!!!!

Answer 10

Here's my take, the problem is communication, but not the spoken word. If he has to ask you those questions, you are sending him non-verbal signals that he must follow up on. If you were smiling all the time and having fun he wouldnt have to ask those questions. So are you unhappy all by yourself or is he doing things that keep you in an unpleasant emotional state? Try this tonight. Get into a good mood, and tease him playfully. Get him to tease you back playfully and keep it goin. If you can't get him to tease you back and join you in your positive emotional state then there are issues far below the surface.