My 16 year old daughter has recently confided in me that she is pregnant. She told me that she doesn't know what to do, and that she wants ME to make a decision for her as to whether or not she should get an abortion. I honestly don't know. Any ideas, opinions, etc would be helpful. Should I let her get an abortion or not?
2007-10-16 09:28:09 · 83 answers · asked by Cheri 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
We're not a high income family, and I don't know if we could support the baby well.
2007-10-16 09:32:20 · update #1
Cheri, I'm so sorry you have to face this issue. I'm sure you already know the major issues in this situation. I'm referring to the religious issues, moral concepts, and the physical problems that come with this.
Your daughter needs to be the biggest part of this decision. She needs to develop the strength to face problems in life by developing her own morals and ethical principals. Be an ear for her. Talk about the issues in depth with her. But don't tell her what to think (do tell her what you think) or what to do. Support her thinking on this, and have her do some research about what happens to her body in an abortion. Another question posed here today was about how teen parents function. Both of you should read the responses to that question -they may be eye opening.
Take her to a few counseling sessions with a psychologist or social worker who will not direct her to either have or not have an abortion, but also help her to decide for herself what she will do. Either solution will affect her life from here on out, so thinking about this will need to be done right away. Be sure she is in fact pregnant.
How much money your family has will only affect things like," will the child go to Harvard?" Love is the most important element in raising a child -as you must already know.
As for my personal position, I do not believe a woman should have an abortion. Yet, I have worked with severely emotionally disturbed adolescents. That experience deeply influenced my beliefs that abortion must be available, and legal. I have seen first hand what parents who did not want children have done to those children. It's uglier than what most people can imagine.
I hope your daughter is not, in fact, pregnant, and this will serve as a paradigm shift in her thinking and behavior. If she is pregnant, I hope that your situation will be well-decided, and the best one for your family, and for her personally.
2007-10-16 10:32:53 · answer #1 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off don't make the decision for her, when she gets older she could end up resenting you. You didn't get her into this mess and you can not be the one to get her out of it. She's 16, she has to look at her own life and realize that if she does have the baby and whilst she loves it she has just screwed up her life. All you can do is make sure she understands the full repercussions of both decisions. If she keeps the baby let her know that you've had your children, you will not give up your life to look after another baby. She would have to go out an support her child, no more high school social life, college will more than likely not happen and if it does its community college.
I know this seems harsh but you must do it, otherwise she will be romanticizing the idea of this baby like a new accessory, there to play with when she wants. An it is not going to be that way. Her life, before she has even become an adult will just be a constant struggle for her. I have no doubt that she would love the child, but also think about the child, are you giving it a chance when its mother is just a child herself. Where would the father be? Where would they live? Where would their income come from? etc etc... She's 16 she made the stupid decision to have unprotected sex, well she must now deal with the consequences. Don't let her guilt you into making this decision. It will only backfire on you in the future.
P.S having an abortion at an early stage is not killing a child, the child isn't even there yet, its basically the same argument as saying people should use protection, everything happens for a reason yada yada yada and that if you get pregnant it is gods will. You are not killing a child, you are preventing a child from coming into existence, its the same as using a condom. But alas, this isn't a pro-life, pro-choice debate, it is a real situation will real consequences. Just make sure your daughter knows what will happen either way and make her decide.
P.P.S You could go the adoption route.
2007-10-16 09:56:15 · answer #2 · answered by Sociology_Is_My_Life 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your daughter must be so torn right now! I wish there was an easy answer but really, your daughter has to make that decision. What if you decide on an abortion and she can't live with herself afterwards? If she keeps the baby, there are special schools where she could go with her baby and still get her diploma (make sure the baby's father supports the baby financially). Or another option is to give it up for adoption- many people can't have their own child.
I myself had a baby when I was 16. My family wasn't wealthy either, but somehow we managed. I'm pro-choice and I was going to get an abortion, but once I was at the clinic I changed my mind. My daughter is now 13 and although life has been challenging, I'm glad I had her. Guide your daughter, give her the options and scenarios, and find out about different support groups available (in case she has the baby). Good luck to your family...hope I was able to help.
2007-10-16 10:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by *Mother of 2* 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't feel there is an easy answer to this one. You said she is 16 and she's asking you to make the decision. That means she's not mature enough to even know what is best for her. I am sure this is not easy for you either. The fact of the matter is that you should sit down and talk to her and really find out what is the best interest for the family. I had my first child when I was in my 20s and I really wasn't ready mentally...but none-the-less, I am a good mom ((at least I think I am)). Being 16 and pregnant, I just wouldn't know what to do or how to act. If she decides to have the baby, what will the plan be then? Will she still go to school? Does she really know what it means to be a parent? or will you end up being the mom for her child? This is a tough one...You should talk to her doctor and really find out what the risk are and what out weighs all other choices.
Good Luck!
2007-10-16 09:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by Nicci 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her push this off on you! It's NOT your choice. It's hers. You have to make her decide what to do. And to the person that said "no one ever regrets having a baby" is wrong. How would you explain adoption? The person doesn't want the baby or can't take care of the baby. People regret getting pregnant quite often. Just turn on the TV you'll see if you look.
I think you should make her make this choice. That way it's her problem and really it's not your choice. It's hers. You can help her get an abortion if she wants one. That's fine but don't make the decision.
2007-10-16 10:18:04 · answer #5 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No to the abortion unless she was raped. The minute you decide to have sex you have made a decision to accept all consequences that come with it. Pregnancy is a potential consequence that shouldnt be taken lightly. She will regret it for the rest of her life if she has an abortion. My mother had an abortion and after 30 years, she still can't get over the feelings of guilt. If she doesnt want to keep the baby, why doesnt she give it up for adoption? Someone will give it the love and care it deserves. A fetus is a life and abortion is murder but my main concern is not the fetus but your daughter. A life full of regret is no life at all. Good luck and maybe she should be a little more careful next time.
2007-10-16 09:35:55 · answer #6 · answered by belindaramos21 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, I don't believe in abortion either. I got pregnant with my son when I was 16 also. I will be the first one to admit that it is going to be hard, but so worth it in the long run. This is a decision that you cannot make for her. She and the father of the baby need to make that decision. Even if they do not keep it there are other choices, like adoption. Give the baby a chance!
2007-10-16 09:35:13 · answer #7 · answered by me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are capable of raising the baby yourself then maybe you and her father can raise it yourself but do not make the decision to let her have an abortion. If you can't adopt the baby yourself then there are other couples who would love to have a baby. There are places where the baby will be placed with a couple and your daughter can decide what couple would be the right one to raise the child. I had a baby before I was married and I was 22 when I had my first child. My dad was going to adopt my baby if I had not wanted the baby. I kept the baby and have never been sorry. He is now a grown man of 36. Do not make the decision to let your daughter have an abortion as I do not believe in abortion but that should be yours and your daughers decision to make.
2007-10-16 09:44:36 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
She has to make the decision on her own. She may be under your roof but it's her body. Try explaining that to her.
It's a tough call on her end, though. She needs to know that it's a huge responsibility that can be very rewarding, if you're ready A lot of things come into play in such a decision. Does she plan on staying in school? If so, does she plan on going to college. Who would take care of the baby if she were to be in school or on the job. Will the baby's father be in the child's life?
Having a child is a blessing. I don't believe they're used as a curse. If you don't have that much money to support a child, there are ways around it. There are food stamps and wick to help support the family. When there's a will, there's a way.
2007-10-16 10:00:18 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am 14 and have a 3 month old daughter. Personally my family is against abortion so that was never an option. It is up to your family and whether or not you can take care of the child. If she is not with the babies father you can always get child support to help take care of the child. Abortion is a personal choice.
2007-10-16 09:47:49 · answer #10 · answered by נєѕѕι¢α (ανα'ѕ мσмму) 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋