He won't give me a Divorce!?

Question

My husband and I don't get along any more. Here it is.
1 I'm deeply religious and and my Husband finds great joy in making fun of what I belive. ( i wasn't active when i met him)
2 He works alot, but even when he has days off he goes hiking with out me ( and no I'm not invited).
I don't think he cheats either.
And if hes not hiking hes playing or watching sports.
3 Because he 'works' all the time he won't make love to me. When he does its on his terms and there is a huge lack of intamancy.
OK so why don't I just leave him?
I don't own the cars
I can't get a job ( it would waste the gas in the cars to drive them to work and back) thats his demand
He has control of all the money.
I don't have a family that could support me.
All I want is one of the cars, and enough money to get set up. ( and yes he could afford that but he refuses. Any idea's ( other than being homeless)
And yes we attend councling every month... for the past year

Maybe you miss the part when I said I HAVE NO MONEY!

Answer 1

get a good lawyer. and tell your husband that you are serious about leaving him.

Answer 2

I would call legal aide and see what they tell you. Do you have your name on the checking or savings accounts? If you do you can go to the bank and make a withdrawal. Even if the cars are in his name you are married and they are your also. You do not say where you live and sometimes that makes a difference. He belittles you and keeps you virtually a prisoner. If your only way out is a homeless shelter I would consider it. It would give you a place to live and you can get your stuff all situated. You will be able to get a job and support yourself. I do not think that counseling is helping you at all. When you file for divorce the judge decides what you get not your husband. The judge will not let him keep both of the cars and leave you with nothing. Don't let anyone badger you about your religion. Just because you are religious does not mean that you have to take this treatment and live the rest of your life in misery. You deserve to be happy also. Do you have any friends that could help you out? Can you work within walking distance from where you live. If you can't why not just take the car? What could he do? Good luck to you.

Answer 3

From what you wrote it is obvious your husband is controlling and of course this leave you unhappy as this shows a total lack of respect for you as a grown up person. The first thing you need to do is take back your control of your own life. No, this cannot be accomplished over night, but it will if you have a plan. Divorce is your answer. Ask advice from a divorce attorney regarding your rights and I bet you will be surprised to see just how much you can gain from a divorce. For one thing your husband will be forced to pay you child support and possibly alimony. He will also be forced to split the family property with you and you will most likely end up with one of the cars. If you both own a home the home will need to be sold and half of the profit from the sale will be yours. from this money you can afford to get a place of your own. There are lots of programs out there that help women who have the responsibility of taking care of children.Then you need to look for a job or to look into what financial resources are out there for you, even if you have to go on public assistance. No one should be forced to stay in a situation where they are treated badly as you obviously are. I do hope all goes well for you and your children. Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

Well Hello Mrs. Foxy_la,

I am so sorry that you are having big problems in your marriage. It doesn't seem like the counseling is helping. I really think his controlling nature is crippling you to help yourself. Unfortunately, the way that you start off in a relationship is usually what you will be expected to keep up. Some spouses don't like change even though it is inevitable.
It is another unfortunate dilemma for your husband that you found Christ and he has not. When you meet him, the both of you obviously felt comfortable with one another. Some people don't realize positive changes are great! He should be glad that you found Christ. However, some spouses feel that you are no longer fun, because you are now spiritually conscience of what you do. You are now able to sanctify your home. However, you must be strong. It is when you find Christ that everything else gets extremely challenging. You must put on the whole armor of God and not just some of it, because you are in battle with spirits in high places. Nevertheless, be of good cheer for Christ overcame this world and so will you. Trouble doesn't last always.
I hope you know what you are talking about when you say he is not cheating. You know him better than any of us do. I must admit that it sounds like he wants his cake (you) and eat it too (infidelity). I don't know to many men that won't make love to their wives. If he is not getting it from you, rest assured that he is getting it from somewhere. Please do not fool yourself into being naive. To be submissive to your husband does not mean you have to be subservant. He is not treating you with respect to go off on hiking trips and no other trips without you. It seems he is trying to stay as far away from you as he can. I think that it is cruel of him to not want you to know how to or have a way to take care of yourself. Don't fall into that trap. That my dear is a trick of the enemy. Deception is Satan's greatest weapon. Your husband is suppose to love you like he loves himself.
Even if he doesn't love you or is still in love with you self preservation is apart of loving you. I know it's hard when you love someone, you're emotionally attached and you have nowhere to go. Pray and prepare yourself for Gods will to be done and not yours. Regardless, make sure you have what you need to get your feet on solid ground. One of those cars, because you deserve it and a job of your own to make and save money. Good luck kid, you're on your own.....It's all about YOU now. Don't be afraid. God did not give us the spirit of fear. He gave us power over the enemy. Move forward and never look back!

Answer 5

Divorce isn't something someone gives you. If you want a divorce, go file for one.

I don't blame him for feeling alienated from you. My friend's wife once did the same thing - got all crazy Christian on him - and it freaked him out. She was a totally different person and judged everything he did.

You should have waited to get married. Because you don't have an education or a career, or any way to be self-sufficient, you will have to rely on others until you get on your own two feet. Move in with a friend, work somewhere withing walking distance, etc. It can be done.

Answer 6

As long as you are not threaten physically, secretly save up money until you have enough to get out on your own. It doesn't matter if you own the cars, if you are married to him, they are yours, when you decide to leave, get a set of keys and go (while he is on a hiking trip). He may control the money but if you have your name on the banking account it would be as easy as just going up there and withdrawing cash. Otherwise, just save until you get enough.

If you do leave and you do decide to divorce him I would not let him know where you are living. Just to be on the safe side. Get a job, if no kids, get two jobs. Work your butt off and before long you will have the things necessary in life to live on your own.

Only you know your husband and what he is capable of doing - take that into consideration when you leave to protect yourself if necessary.

Answer 7

I did it! I had no access to any money, bank accounts, credit cards nothing. I got out stayed with a friend, slept on the floor for six months, finally found a job, bought a used car for 500 bucks after I got the job, Three years later....I own my own house, I'm not married, I am the CEO of my own company that I built myself, and I have a brand new car.

If you THINK you CAN"T do it, than you won't! Stop whining and figure it out! It is possible get off your butt and make it happen...I am proof!

Oh and by the way, I paid for the divorce, I served him and I'm doing it with three kids....Did I mention I still did it with three kids!!

Answer 8

It doesnt matter if you dont have money file for divorce and even if he doesnt want to you have the right and if he doesnt sign the papers in a matter of a couple of months the divorce is granted anyway. He will have to be ordered to take care of you give you mean of transportation and a way of living(money) he sounds like a real *** and you need to run away as fast as you can. The state will help you if you need it and there is someone out there that is waiting for you to find him and he is ready to treat you like you deserve to be treated.

Answer 9

Working all the time and wanting to hike without you. Sounds like there could be another relationship there. Put a key logger on his computer. You will find out within a week if something is up.

Then you will have no problem in court.

Answer 10

Counseling monthly isn't doing anything for you two. Either declare it a "crisis situation" to your current counselor and demand to go weekly, or get a new counselor, if you are still interested in saving your marriage.
No one has to give consent to a divorce- this isn't the middle ages and you aren't binded to someone who emotionally abuses you for all eternity. You can simply file for divorce and stay exactly where you are until a judge makes a ruling for assets and alimony. Your husband basically has you imprisoned. Since you have a faith, I would urge you to speak to your Pastor/church family and see if anyone could help you in this situation.

Answer 11

if the cars were obtained during marriage the court will most likely give you one. Same with the money. Maybe you should look into living iwth a friend for a while and find a job close to where your friend lives so you can walk or close to where she owrks so she can give you a ride. Look at craigs list they ahve all kinds of listing for room for rent or live in nanny things