because i dont want her boyfriend in my home means me going upstairs just to make her life comfy
2007-10-16 08:51:24 · 122 answers · asked by astra 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
it was well force as well
2007-10-16 08:53:55 · update #1
What's your question?
2007-10-16 08:53:14 · answer #1 · answered by Black Mamba 2 · 2⤊ 10⤋
Teenagers are forced to be in abusive, non-consensual relationships during some of the most vulnerable years of their life. People tell adult females that if you are in an abusive relationship with a man, leave. If he calls you lazy or ugly or something and you want to leave, just leave. They teach that "no means no" and things like that. If he hits you once, get help, if he hits you twice, leave. Teenagers can't do anything like that with a parent.
Calling 911 may give you an immediate answer but keep in mind that the Police will aprehend her and probably incarcerate her for the day until help arrives for you. I would never want that to happen to my child.
However, it is a horrible thing to hit a parent but there may be another way to show you love her by calling for an Intervention team. It is possible the local Police Dept. has this team but just keep in mind if you call the police you may loose her confidence forever so an Intervention team may work best.
Also:
When she hits you, tell her very firmly (with your strongest voice) that "hitting hurts and you may not hit me". Turn away from her or take her to her room. Let her know you will not play with her or listen to her requests when she hits. Give her your attention only when she says she is ready to act appropriately. This will probably take a few times before she realizes you mean what you say. If she becomes angry and has a tantrum, stay calm and repeat your message - "I cannot listen to you or help you when you are acting like this". In time, she should learn that hitting does not get her what she wants.
2007-10-16 09:19:18 · answer #2 · answered by Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not condoning her actions in any way, or her total lack of parental respect but it sounds like there may be a lot of issues that aren't being discussed. I don't think asking people here will solve the problem.
Is this the first time that violence has been used in this kind of situation between either of you ? Did she hit you in retaliation ? Does she have anger management issues ? Why do you object to her boyfriend being in your home ? Do you seriously think coming to blows with your 18 year old daughter will solve anything ? Would you seriously be willing to follow some of the solutions offered here of making your daughter homeless or getting her arrested and convicted with a criminal record for assault ?
I think you need to TALK the matter over calmly with your daughter when both of you are willing to consider each others perspective in a constructive way.
2007-10-16 09:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by Vogon Poet 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although I'm not sure what your question is, I can tell you this: if she is living in your house, she should be abiding by your rules. If she wants independence, she's old enough to live on her own. Tell her she has a choice, either no boyfriend at your house or she can move out.
You could always draw up a lease where she can pay you rent, buy her own food, pay her half of the utilities and then do what she wants under your roof, but until such a time, you should never allow her to get away with hitting you. Have her arrested for domestic violence! Tough love!
2007-10-16 08:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you waiting for it to happen again? I'm sure it will if you don't do something...NOW! There is no excuse for that crap! She obviously doesn't respect you. It's time for some tough love. Nip it in the bud...lay it on the line...let her know your not putting up with that. It's easy for people to say you should send her packing, it's not THEIR daughter. That's a hard thing to do- even under the worst of circumstances- but doing nothing or reacting passively will do neither of you any good. Do yourself a favor, don't let this one go. Take it from someone who raised a very tough daughter...the tough love thing really does work. Sooner or later they realize who exactly is calling the shots and what will be tolerated and what won't.
2007-10-16 13:57:06 · answer #5 · answered by Just call me "J" 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohhhh noooo. If my child EVER hit me he better do it really good the first and only time by knocking me out because his little a.s.s. would be mine! I raised my 3 boys alone and I was tough. They didn't mouth off often, but when they did the got a smack. I spanked my kids when it was deserved. They grew up respecting me and adults. They would never dream of laying a hand on me. Sounds like your daughter should have had the fear of God instilled in her when she was young. She would respect you and she would know right from wrong. Hitting your mother is wrong. I would tell her that not only is her boyfriend not welcomed in the house, her 18 year old butt isn't either. Let her know there are consequences for her actions! That is the problem with most kids today. This is why there is so much more crime now. Kids get a smack on the hand and a "no no" when they do something serious because parents don't want to "scar" them..NOT doing anything is hurting them more in the long run. My boys thank me for being so stern with them. They said they hated it but loved it at the same time. It showed I loved them and wanted them to grow up to be decent men. Tell your daughter to grow up and stop acting like a little brat. That is YOUR house, you pay the mortgage/rent. If she doesn't like the rules she is an adult now....she can move ....
2007-10-16 09:08:56 · answer #6 · answered by Paula D 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If she's 18 you are legally allowed to kick her out of your home. I would say to her... if you want your boyfriend around here so much then why don't you move out with him! If i ever even cursed at my parents i'd get a smack upside the head or across the face (that's why i never did it) and i wouldn't even think of slapping them or i'd have my *** kicked out the door and all my things thrown out with me... if i was lucky. Seeing as most parents have paid for all the things their kids have. I'm 21 and after moving out when i was 18 my parents have always said i could come back home if i wanted. That's because i respect them and appreciate the things they did for me when i was there so much more now that i'm on my own. Don't ever let her hit you, at 18 it's considered assult, doesn't matter that she's a family member, it's domestic violence. Just remember that it's YOUR home and you shouldn't be forced to follow HER demands. Good luck!
2007-10-16 09:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by Satcaddict86 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Do not tolerate her crap, at all. Show her some tough love. Let her see how 'easy' it will be for her to move out, pay her own bills and have her boyfriend round as often as possible. Don't ever go upstairs for the sake of her and her lover. Ban him from the house. No child should ever hit their mother under any circumstances. Do not put up with this at all.
2007-10-16 08:55:54 · answer #8 · answered by ǝsɹnuʎxǝs 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
look there is no easy way to handel this situation, but kicking her out would not be a good answer. You need to talk to her, find out really why she is so upset? Maybe you never gave her bf a chance. invite him and her over for dinner and if you still dont like him tell your daughter why you dont. If she still decides to date him let her, its her life shes 18 and she needs to make her own decision. If you dont want him in your house, then tell her firmly. If she doesnt live with you, then thats fine she just doesnt have to bring him over.
about her hitting you,
Dont call 911 like some other people are saying thats being way too dramatic and overreacting. talk to her and tell her thats not okay. she probably just was upset we all do things we regret later. Dont let one little thing ruin your relationship with your daughter.
2007-10-16 11:52:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The boyfriend is obviously no good, otherwise you would let him into your home. Your daughter should be grateful that you will not let your home be contaminated by someone you think is unacceptable. Well done.
Now for your daughter. This ungrateful wretch should not be allowed to hit a parent. Thrash her soundly, throw her and all her clothes and possessions out and tell her she can return only when she has learned to respect her parents and is willing to comply with their instructions. If she will not, then you are better off without her.
Be firm now in order to ensure a happier future, otherwise she will walk all over you.
Good luck. Be strong.
2007-10-16 09:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by Dellboy from UK 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I do not understand, are you being told to go upstairs in your own home? Unless you are living in her home or the BF's you do not have any reason to tolerate this. Your daughter needs to leave if this is your house, call the police if she hits you again.
2007-10-16 08:55:39 · answer #11 · answered by Princessa Macha Venial 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋