I spent 8 years of my life with this man. I took care of him and provided for him financially. I moved out 3 months ago but still continued to see him and help him with his rent bills etc.. Now all of a sudden his ex wife his starting to bring his 9 year old daughter to see him He signed his rights away to this kid. I have not spoke to him in 2 weeks because I went by his house at 11:30 one night and she was still there. He said she was staying there with the kids. He said there was nothing going on between them but I just dont trust it. She is having problems with her husband any way and he supposedly molested the little girl. I dont know what is going on with that. So I have not talked to my boyfriend in 1 week and 1 day. I just wonder why he will not call me. I spent 8 years of my freaking life with him.
2007-10-16 08:48:55 · 70 answers · asked by Sunny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hold up sister.
You are making this about you.
There is a 9yr old girl in this picture and she is actually worth more right now than you her real mother and 8yrs just gone.
This is a time for compassion. if you take issues here they will come back to haunt you because even if he has had no contact with his daughter, he is biologically, mentally, and emotionally attached to that child and he can neither escape or change his attachment and deal with conflict and jealousy at the same time. Walk careful and dont try to get him to agree with your picture. Dont wave 8yrs at a 9yr problem. Please try to support him and this child from the depth of your womb and put down your imagination. Compassion is the greatest road to walk
2007-10-16 15:40:23 · answer #1 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Really sorry to hear about that. I knew someone that used the molesting thing to get money. And I know you had a lot of time invested in this guy. The molestation thing is just an excuse used by low class people. (And probably not true. It is so shocking that people will not ask questions and assume crisis mode. People bend the "rules" when there is a crisis of such magnitude. He is lying.)
Dump the guy and go find someone better. If you were not married after 8 years, it was not meant to be. Thank him for revealing his true self to you. Forgive yourself for wasting your time with him.
He is a moocher. Stop supporting him. He is getting a free ride off you and probably spending the money on his "baby mama". Put your foot down. Say, "If you are spending ANY time with her, you are cut off." He will try everything to get the money back. This will be the hardest part sticking to what you know is true.
Don't let a man take your money. He is a man. HE should be earning the money. Take your dignity and pride and find a man with a job. And don't worry, when you cut him off he will find another "Sugar Mama" quickly. I guarantee that!
2007-10-16 09:02:13 · answer #2 · answered by Kelli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would find out if there was actually a crime (molesting the child), if there was I would provide a temporary safe haven for the mother and child, but I would ask my BF to come with me while they were there. I would also ask about there being charges pressed.
Otherwise, he sounds like an emotional and financial sink hole. If you love him and you really think its worth it, then work with him. See if he cares about your feelings at all. If you are only with him because after 8 years you have settled then I think you should play the field a little. Good men don't get enough credit because of all of the bad men out there. Good men do exist and maybe you will find one that appreciates you more than your current beau.
2007-10-16 08:56:49 · answer #3 · answered by Lyss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should let him go because if he had kids with her he is most likely to go back to her but if he really loves you he will tell her its over and that he is with someone else or has been for eight years has she not noticed? lol. If he supposedly molested the little girl i'm sure the mother would not want him around her. She is probably just planning on using him be careful because he might just plan on using you best of luck to you and hopefully everything works out but if you can't get nothing to work then just move on.
2007-10-16 08:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by moringurl20 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a user. You will not hear from him as long as his ex is there doing the things you did for 8 years. If she was to leave him today, he would be back on the phone with you tonight. He sound like a real dog and you are better off without him. I know it does not feel like it now but you are really better now. Let him go and move on with your life. The pain will end soon enough.
BTW, sorry you are going through this.
2007-10-16 09:01:16 · answer #5 · answered by Sheerhose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously it's time you moved on. You've taken the first step by moving out so now it's time to rebuild your life. Don't give him any more of your money or time, he's having his cake and eating it by the sound of things. Let the ex-wife take care of him now. Now get out an about with your own friends and start living. Life is too short to waste it.
Hope this helps and have a nice life. ;)
2007-10-16 08:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by Soup Dragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You moved out right? You basically ended the relationship so maybe his way of dealing with things is to work out issues with his ex because he obviously can't do that with you. His losing you has made him realize how empty his life is. He lost a wife and child once before, now you. So, because of that empty feeling he is trying to fill the void once again - just so happens to be with his ex. My advice is, if you want this guy, you have to make up your mind and try to communicate with him in a mature way. You can't leave him, then whine that he is moving on.
2007-10-16 08:55:18 · answer #7 · answered by RLW 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're upset that your bf has a relationship with his child. if a person has a child you have to accept that the person will have some sort of relationship with the mother. and that doesn't mean its a romantic one. maybe he feels you're being selfish. if you had a child that was being abused wouldn't you try to spend more time with them however you can get it. have you ever thought that it was a condition in giving up his rights that he couldn't be with the child unsupervised. I'm kinda confused as to why he gave them up but that's another story. it seems that you aren't ready for the situation. and maybe you need to walk away for a while. as for the 8 years of financial support it was a choice you made. and you can't blame it on anyone else
2007-10-16 09:01:03 · answer #8 · answered by deux 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really does sound as if your better off without him. I know that is hard to hear and so much easier said than done. Basically you have wasted 8 years of your life on this man already, don't waste anymore. That's a very hard thing to deal with, when you have invested so much time, money and emotion on someone. Just think, you will have extra money now that you don't have to support his sorry ***, do something for yourself!
2007-10-16 08:59:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away from this man. If he lies and molested his daughter why would you even try to have a relationship with him. How would you ever trust him with your own children. Spending that much time with someone does not justify ruining your own life wasting anymore time. This is your chance to break free. Start a new life and find someone better for you.
2007-10-16 08:54:21 · answer #10 · answered by MontichegoGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋