My bf (he's 27 i'm 34) & my mom havent gotten along in a while 4 stupid reasons. So as my due date drew nearer we had decided my sister would take my older girls & we would go to the hospital ourselves, calling everyone after our baby was born.
My mother showed up about 6 a.m after we had been there a good 5 hrs and proceeded 2 ignore him. Not even a goodmorning. She was very nice to me but it was if he wasnt even there! I notice this & know its bothering him but what can a woman having hardcore contractions to do?
He says to me hes gona grab a soda (he was actually going to leave), she follows him out & starts to tell him he less than a man, a terrible bf, not a good dad 2 his other lil girl, etc.
He blows up & says leave, you werent invited & you arent welcome. Tells her he will have her banned. He comes back in & says she left. (Didnt want 2 give details til baby was born).
My sister calls & says what did he do mom is a mess...while I'm still in labor! Whos wrong???
2007-10-16 08:44:06 · 17 answers · asked by ♥Baby♥Girl♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The only person who knew we were in the hospital was my sister. I told her we would call when the baby was here.
I didn't expect that anyone would show, and in the midst of hard labor who should and shouldnt be allowed there was the last thing on my mind.
2007-10-16 08:53:40 · update #1
All the drama happened outside the hospital...in the parking lot. (Thank heavens) He had already made it to near his car. She had come in and spoke to me for approx 2 minutes asking me what was wrong before going after him and finding him. I told her we were upset at her demeanor & that it wasn't okay to just ignore him. That is when she went after him.
2007-10-16 09:01:48 · update #2
Sorry but your mom is wrong. You are at the hospital for the birth of your child which is supposed to be a joyous event. You are in labor...why would she want to cause more stress and confusion. If she doesn't care for your bf for whatever reason then she should have stayed home with that attitude. At the least the man was there with you and her presence was about to run him away from the event because she couldn't hold her emotions. She was the intruder on you and your bf day of joy. And your sister was going off of your mothers side of what happened...she was wrong for calling you with that crap in the hospital. Sounds like you got a lot of messiness and unhappy people around you. Remember that if you are happy then that's all that matters. Either they can get with the program or get on. Your bf had every right to feel and react the way he did regardless of what he may have done in the past to cause your mom to not like him.
2007-10-16 08:55:14 · answer #1 · answered by Erica D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that your Mom was wrong for showing up uninvited. If the two of you had already decided that you would go through the birth together without anyone else then everyone else shoudl respect that boundary.
I can not comment on any of the other stuff (previous situation, your bf and mom's interaction in the hall or whatever.) There may have been a more diplomatic way for your BF to ask your Mom to leave but that wasn't the method he chose.
The fact is that you and your BF have a life together and it is seperate from the rest of your family how the two of you decide to live it is up to the two of you.
However in regards to the relationship that you have with your BF you have to decide if the feud he is having with your Mom is affecting your relationship with him or your Mom. Ultimately I would think that it is and it may be the best for you and your kids that they can some how end the fighting.
2007-10-16 08:55:23 · answer #2 · answered by Richard P 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok well I would definitely say your mom because whatever he told her she was the one who started everything and aggravated the situation. He was bothered by your mom's actions but he was going to leave discretely and your mom chose to comment on that by making a big scene. In my opinion (and I am not saying that she doesn't care for you), but given the circumstance at the time, if she came and saw you both there - no matter what the problem may be between them she should have acknowledged him. For heaven sakes it's the birth of your new baby and the most important thing was to keep you, the mother calm and collective. I think your b/f tried to maintain this when he tried to walk out but was pushed to what he did. Now your mother after getting the response she probably deserved is making herself the victim and your b/f is probably getting the worst of the whole situation. You need to think this whole thing through and decide who was right from wrong and settle this whole matter so you rnewborn can grow in a normal, happy, loving family.
2007-10-16 08:55:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mother is wrong. On so many levels. You were in labor. This was supposed to be a happy day. If she felt she needed to show up then she also needed to get over herself, even if for only one day, and at least be civil to your bf. He is the baby's father after all. Also, I don't think she should have shown up without an invitation but that could easily be disputed. That depends on your personallity and relationship with mom. I personally would not want anyone else there aside from my husband/boyfriend. Your mother needs to accept the fact that he is going to be in your life for at least the next 18 years whether she likes it or not. The truly caring thing for your mother to do in the hospital would have been to try to keep you as comfortable and relaxed as possible. Not the place you need drama. Your bf shouldn't have to put up with her immaturity while he is at the hospital supporting you and the birth of your child.
2007-10-16 08:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by lild304 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ummm Mom is clearly in the wrong here. You were in labor and she proceeded to tell the father of your baby what a terrible person he is? After he went to walk away from the trouble? Sounds like she went just to cause trouble. I'm sorry you had to have that happen on such a special day.
2007-10-16 08:50:47 · answer #5 · answered by KMCinNJ 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You are. The fact that you did not want you mom there, you should have told her, way before you began to go into labor.
You should not have expected you sister to keep the information about the baby coming, it was your responsibility, not your bf's either.
He was paying attention to how uncomfortable you were becoming, and he did what you should have done.
Now it's up to you to fix the situation with your mom, and apologize to your bf for making him carry this load of nonsense, when you should have.
2007-10-16 09:04:13 · answer #6 · answered by Nancy 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yo' sister is. If mama can't be a comfort to the whole family, she shouldn't be there just because "that's the way things should happen in families". You and your bf have to live with the deck that has been dealt, and you're mom has come up the "black" (not racially so) queen.
2007-10-16 08:58:43 · answer #7 · answered by cattbarf 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't have to deal with this now. Please enjoy your new baby, and when the time comes have a sit down with your mom and BF separately. Perhaps you could have a neutral party talk to each of them. Your child deserves her Grandma, but not at the expense of your BF's feelings. They don;t have to like each other, but barring any serious issues should get along for the kids sake. My kids don;t have mine, or my husbands parents in their life, so I really hope you are able to work this out.
2007-10-16 08:52:34 · answer #8 · answered by HH6 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Mom was wrong. For starters, she showed up uninvited. Secondly, she ignored him, which is not only an insult to him it's also an insult to YOU because he is the boyfriend you have chosen. Finally, she fired the first shot. She had absolutely no business airing her opinions about your boyfriend's ability as a man, a boyfriend to you, or as a father to the children. Those who disagree with me can flame away, but your mother was being a cold-hearted ***** and got exactly what she deserved.
2007-10-16 08:52:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your mother was wrong to show up. How did she know you were there? Somebody told her, and that person was wrong.
Your sister was wrong to phone while you're in labor.
You were wrong not to be clear with the hospital staff who should have access, and somebody was wrong to hand you the telephone.
All of you need to grow up a great deal. Now you have 3 children it's time to become an adult and a parent.
2007-10-16 08:49:40 · answer #10 · answered by noname 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋