I have been with my bf for about a year and 3 months now. i am young, but i love him..please dont judge my relationship or me having a sexual relationship atmy age, im not looking for people to go off on what im doing. I am looking to see pples opinions on what to do. im pregnant,about 6 weeks, i have been trying to get my mind clear and decide what im going to do but i just cant, its really hard. my boyfriend wants an abortion, but im 85% sure i want to keep the baby. the only thing pushing me away from keeping it, and getting an abortion, is my boyfriend and my age. my mom wants to keep it she said shes here for me and expects to suport the baby most of the way.i dont go to school i have my ged and im going to college in about 1 or2yrs. i have a job.im being responsible with all of my decisions and i plan on being an art teacher. i cry everytime i think of abortion, and im very bipolar and suicidal and i dont believe i can deal with how im going to feel after i get an abortion.
2007-10-16 08:01:12 · 27 answers · asked by o0neek0o14 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
my bf has tried to see the side that im on by thinking he can handle keeping the child, but a day later he said he doesnt want it and he wont be happy if i keep it..he has said very mean things to me about it and it has made the relationship go downhill but were still together. he said if i had it he wont be happy and for me not to expect him to be there for the rest of the babys life, and that he dotn wanna pay child support for 18 years. i dont want his money..i dont watn to hurt myself or him but i cant ruin my life to make him happy...atleast i believe so. so i dont know what to do. please help by giving ur opinions, comments, anything..i know its my decision its my body i just need feedback, because this is a life changing decision no matter what i decide.
2007-10-16 08:04:42 · update #1
ps. as well as my bf seeing my side of keeping the baby....i have seen his side (the abortion) i have even scheduled the abortion for this friday, and it turns my stomach i dont think i can do it..ive gone to his side..more than hes tried to see my side. i dont see it as a contest...but ive tried really hard to put myself in his shoes and decide i want an abortion. but its tearing me to pieces. please comment. and im sorry i have wrote so much. im just scared. (all of my family and his family support which ever decision i make, the only person saying to get an abortion is my bf and his sister)
2007-10-16 08:06:17 · update #2
I would tell your boyfriend that if he loves you then how can he kill something that is part of you. I don't understand that.
You are most likely going to get a lot of responses about your age and your mental health issues. Let me tell you first hand, I have bi-polar disorder and I raise my son just fine. I take my medication and am just as much of a mother as anyone else.
Yes, you are young, and it's unfortunate that you are pregnant. But if you really want to keep it then you should. Boyfriends will come and go, I'm sorry to say. But that baby is yours forever. You say your relationship is strained because he wants you to have an abortion. Trust me no matter what you do, you're going to have a strained relationship. If you have an abortion you will always think that you wanted the baby and he stopped you. If you have the baby he will not be happy about it.
If you have the baby and your mom is going to help you and you really want this child then have it. Your boyfriend doesn't sound so great. I'm sorry to have to tell you that. Sounds like he will only 'love' you if you do as he says. That's not love, that's control. If you have the baby he's going to leave you? If he loved you he'd stick by you and the baby. Like it or not if you have the baby he is going to have to pay support if you want to take him to court. He's just as much to blame for this pregnancy. He's a selfish coward if you ask me. He can't handle what he's done. If you can then have the baby.
I would like to advise you not to make a choice depending on your boy friend. He doesn't sound like such a great guy. When I was 18 I was pregnant. My son's father and I were talking about marriage. Then I got pregnant and he said abort or I'll leave. I let him go.
Not saying you should break up with your boy friend, I'm just saying don't take him in to concern when you are thinking about your child's life.
2007-10-16 08:20:22 · answer #1 · answered by musicpanther67 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Because you have to carry the baby, and have the baby, I'd say the choice is more yours than his. If he really had a problem with having babies, perhaps he should have kept his pants on. He chose to sleep with you, so in effect, he chose to have a baby,because everybody knows, that sex leads to babies. If you feel that badly about the idea of an abortion, don't do it. Maybe adoption is the way for you to go.
Oh yeah, you would've been more careful. Sorry, I had to do it. Try and make the right decision for the baby, not whats right for you and him. Good luck!
I just read the additional info, too bad for him, If you decide to keep the baby, make him pay child support. Do not let him off the hook. It was a choice that he made. There are too many dead beat dads out there, and those are just the ones who get reported. He helped make the baby, he should help pay for the baby.
2007-10-16 18:56:27 · answer #2 · answered by D G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are so certain that abortion would destroy you, and I totally understand those feelings, you definitely should not do it, because it isn't something that can be "undone" - there are no take backs in this. Besides keeping the baby you could give the baby up for adoption (which can be almost as difficult as abortion for some women).
But your boyfriend is showing his true colors by his attitude that if you don't abort he won't support the baby if you decide to keep it. Hey, honey, he had the fun and didn't prevent the pregnancy either, so he gets to share in the consequences (he wants to have his cake and eat it and not gain a pound - well don't we all!!!!!). It sounds to me like you have already made your decision, you just need to start making your plans for the rest of the pregnancy and birth. After the birth take the father to Court for support - it's not a matter of pride here, you will definitely need the financial support of the father whether he wants a relationship with the baby or not - that's his loss. Don't encourage him to do this to another young lady if he never suffers the consequences for his actions.
P.S. Be so thankful your mother is supportive and not judgmental!!!
I wish you the best of luck, take care of yourself, and God Bless.
2007-10-16 15:52:22 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
honestly, if you are 85% sure you want to keep it and you have a mother that's more than willing to help you and even take on the majority of the responsibility I think you will feel guilty if you get an abortion. And to put my response into scope, I'm one of the many people who think you're physically too young to handle carrying a baby to term.
Your boyfriend has been your bf for only three months, he, in trying to force you into an abortion is not taking your considerations into mind. The fact is, if you have an abortion it is something happening to your body, and you will the one that will experience the greatest regrets if you do regret it.
I would suggest you talk to your mother about how you can make it so the boy gives up all legal responsibility for the baby and you should be prepared for him being anything but helpful in the raising process. If he wants an abortion than allow him to waive all legal rights as father and any responsibility. Why do I suggest you do this even though he appears uninterested? Because it wouldn't be the first time that one parent doesn't want anything to do with the child during the hard part but when it gets to the cute/easy part they want to take it away because you aren't doing the right thing as far as they are concerned.
Talk to your mother about protecting your baby from the father, and if you're on medication for the bi-polar you need to get off of it immediately in case it may have a negative affect on the baby. In your case it appears that having an abortion would have a negative affect upon you.
2007-10-16 15:27:19 · answer #4 · answered by Manny 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Here's few things to consider:
What you are facing now is a PERSONAL issue. What other people say, including your family, doesn't really matter. The bottom line is, you need to do what you think is right. Right now, both of the options are legal and available to you.
If you think the decision is hard, you should also consider the difficulty of raising a child. It won't be easy, especially you being young. Don't count on support from anybody else as situations can and will change. In the end, until the child reaches 18, you will be responsible for everything about this child.
You also need to consider, after a baby, for forseeable future, going to school, being able to work and extend your personal life would be nearly impossible. 100% of your time will be consumed taking care of a child. People do succeed in this environment, but they are extending themselves to do 150%. Can you handle this?
You are already in a difficult situation. You may need to adjust your thinking and not choose what's best for you. But instead, what's least damaging to you. Either way, you are making a very difficult choice that will affect you for rest of your life.
By the way, child support is not something your boyfriend can deny by saying "I won't pay it." You and your future child (if you so choose) is entitled to it, and the father is obligated to pay it. If you choose to have the baby, get a lawyer involved now and secure this right. He committed to this when he slept with you.
2007-10-16 15:11:38 · answer #5 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm glad that you stand up for yourself and your baby. I think that you should see a physcologist about the bipolar and suicidal thoughts (don't get mad at me if you already are). Next, I think you should break up with that good for nothing boy, or just go to counseling with him, because you are going to have a hard time having a baby with him if he doesn't support you. You are being responsible by having plans for your future, such as a job, and further schooling. I am sure that your mother will help you. I think that you are the most mature teen that I have heard of that is pregnant, and that you know what you are doing. I would like to say Congratulations, because you are doing something that alot of people won't do (if you are keeping the baby). I am not going to judge you, I don't believe in abortion, but I think you are going to do the right thing. It's YOUR baby. It's part your boyfriends, but he won't commit. Do what YOU want. My most sincere regards,
2007-10-16 15:11:11 · answer #6 · answered by <3 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Hi first of all i'm sorry your in this situation. As far as the abortion goes, thats totally up to you. I'm sorry to say but i had one. It was horrible, i "thought" thats what was best but after i did i was depressed i regret that decision more than anything in this world and i wish i could take it back, but i can't. And now that i'm trying to have a baby i can't. My drs tell me i can get pg but more than likely end up losing my babies. I don't know this is a really big decision so the best advise i can give you is to Forget everyone else, do what YOU think is best and make sure you are 100% sure because if your not you will reqret it for the rest of you life. There is alot of help out there for single moms, even scholorships/grants. So if thats what you worried about forget it. Just make sure your doing the right thing. I'll tell you now, i wish i hadn't done what i did and maybe you'll learn from my MISTAKE!!!!
2007-10-16 15:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by Paula 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
What you do is really your choice, I understand that your relationship is going downhill right now, but if you get an abortion, do you think it would help your relationship with your boyfriend? Would you be able to get another abortion if you get pregnant by him again in the future? Think about it, if he doesn't want a child now, and you get an abortion, even if your relationship does get better again, it'll never be the same, and the next time he gets you pregnant, he'll pressure you into getting an abortion again. I suggest you do what you think is better for you. If getting a abortion is going to tear you apart, then you shouldn't do it. Trust me, it'll always be in the back of your mind no matter what.
2007-10-16 15:42:45 · answer #8 · answered by TaDaa! 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He should have though about this before having sex with you! It is your body, don't let him influence you to have an abortion. You'll never regret having a baby. I"m afraid if you have an abortion, you'll regret it everyday of your life. It it is coming down to weather or not to keep the baby, keep in mind that adoption is available and can give your baby a good life. However, I believe that since your mom is behind you and willing to help you, you can be a mom and raise a baby. Age doesn't determine if you are a good parent or not., Maturity and determination does. There are many good teen parents, and many bad 40 year old parents. About being bipolar, you should be on medication. If you aren't see a psychologist. If you are on meds you should be able to function at a normal level. Just don't make the big mistake of thinking you are getting better and quit taking the meds. You have to stay on them! Do what your heart is telling you!
2007-10-16 15:10:34 · answer #9 · answered by #3ontheway! 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
I am sorry that you are pregnant. Your mom sound like a nice person. Your bf. is not going to stand by you. And he will not pay child suport unless forced. So you and your mom are on your own. If you get an abortion ( which I don't agree with ) your bf will not have to pay suport. So he is off the hook. If you don't want to get an abortion then don't. If you mom helps then you can still do all you want. She sounds like a good mom. Listen to her. But DO NOT put all the chore of the baby on your mom. It is your baby. Good luck. Wish there was more I could do. Please be more carefull in the furture.
2007-10-16 15:16:59 · answer #10 · answered by cgm 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋