I was the one that found the porn on my mums computer that my bf of 2 years had been looking at, it popped up again so I decided to delete it all and do a full search as an 11 year old uses this computer and I did not want her to come across it as easily as I did. and he has been watching fisting videos?! this actually makes me physically sick, I am crying I feel so repulsed by him. the worst part is this whole time he has told me he hates these movies etc etc. I have looked at porn so I am not a prude, but I did it when I was single and I did not get turned on by fisting. this is driving me nuts, I know I cant talk to him about it because he will just tell me how I need to get my own life and stop controlling his (it happens everytime we have an argument, wether it is him in the wrong or me) and I cant be bothered saying sorry for my feelings. is this the last straw? I love him to bits but I dont want to feel sick!
2007-10-16 07:53:33 · 14 answers · asked by chipped finger nails 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some people are naturally more turned on my pornography. Men tend to like pornography more than women. I know you mentioned not being able to talk to him about how you feel, but you really should. He may not stop looking at the porn because the sexual appetite is part of human nature. However, if he respects you and your family he will keep it out of your house. If you feel sick by the type of porn he is watching, mention that. Telling him you think "fisting" type porn is degrading to women may open his eyes. There is softer porn. Porn that does not degrade people. The healthiest of relationships are open and honest. If you feel like you can't be open and honest with him maybe it's time to rethink the value of the relationship. Are you happy with how he treats you? How does he make you feel when he ignores your pleas to stop? Think about yourself and how this effects your mental health and how you view yourself as part of the relationship.
2007-10-16 08:02:30 · answer #1 · answered by J9 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would first try and figure out why it bothers you so much. It might also mean he wants a little something more from you in the bedroom. This might not be FISTING, but maybe he is bored. Someone said there was less "hardcore" porn available and that is absolutely correct. You could pick something out that turns you on, and ask him to watch it WITH you. Spice it up a little for the both of you.
He probably told you he hated those movies because he doesn't want you to think less of him. If he's hiding it, he knows you disapprove, or maybe he is just embarrassed.
I wouldn't react so strongly to porn, as long as he hasn't gone to something more physical. I do think its time for you to step back and really evaluate your relationship though. If you love him as much as you say it should be worth it.
2007-10-16 08:12:01 · answer #2 · answered by Lyss 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Plain and simple, guys like to watch stuff like that, it is in there DNA. You trying to control him will just make the situation worse. Just explain to him that you found some stuff on the computer, deleted it all so that the 11 year old would not find it. Tell him that you thought some of the videos were a little on the wild-side. This is no reason to get in a huge argument, this is a step in your relationship, don't blow it out of proportion. Honestly, I think you should just go with it, let him watch his videos....find something you like. Don't jump on him for it, he is a guy, he will always be a guy! Does he yell at you for taking two hours to get married, for buying so many shoes, for spending all those worthless moments while you talk on the phone to your friends? Just let him do his thing while you do your thing.
2007-10-16 08:08:02 · answer #3 · answered by Neil S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I are in our 40's, he looks at porn and its no big deal to me. He does not look at on the family computer as my 13yr old son uses it. My husband uses our laptop or watches it on DVD. First its what you are comfortable with, just because he looks at porn doesn't mean that he is cheating or doesn't love you. One thing you need to do is talk to him about not looking at on a computer that a child uses and explain the reason is that the child could find it. Then talk about him looking at it and how it makes you feel. If he doesn't want to stop and you can't live with that then yes its probably the last straw
2007-10-16 08:03:48 · answer #4 · answered by Girly1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it almost seems you have answered your own question if you look hard enuf and listen to yourself.
Relationships can not survive without communication.
try watching a porn with him. tell him what you like and dont like about what he does on computer.
and what you think about his lying.
if he tells you one more time to get your own life, then go.
if he sees you as trying to control his life then it don't sound like the 2 of you are really 'partners'
And yes...dont ever apologize for your feelings
you can sorta give him a warning ..that you are coming to the final straw if 'things' can not be worked on together. tell him if he wants to do his own thing and not commit to a relationship (which takes 2 by the way) then he can go his own way..buh bye nice knowin ya
you deserve better for yourself than to feel this way
2007-10-16 08:19:09 · answer #5 · answered by tj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are tired of feeling sick then GROW UP. You are trying to control him. Do you want him telling you what you can and can't do? If it is that much of a problem maybe he should have his own computer so you won't have to look at it. It seems like you are looking for trouble.
2007-10-16 08:00:34 · answer #6 · answered by sexyladyinak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a case of you needign to grow up. So what if something that he's curious about isnt your cup of tea. He's exercising it via internet images not making you do anything. and I'm so sure you did the search because an 11 year old uses it not because you were curious yourself.
2007-10-16 08:04:16 · answer #7 · answered by sarah W 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you don't have many options left. You don't want to be with someone who likes this sort of thing, especially with children around, and you don't want to be with a liar.
Cut your losses and find someone who will love you and not need stimulation from the internet
2007-10-16 08:02:07 · answer #8 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummm..why is he looking at porn on your MOTHERS computer? Why dont you suggest to him that you watch the videos TOGETHER. maybe that will work. If not, if he continues to sneak around let him go. Its not worth being upset over.
2007-10-16 07:59:54 · answer #9 · answered by -----------n 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can answer that. If it were me in your shoes, although I am not into that kind of thing I am open minded in what is being watched. The deal breaker for me would be the lying about having seen it.
2007-10-16 07:58:50 · answer #10 · answered by Angela O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋