Why are teens today such spongers?

Question

my daughter is nearly 18 and does not do a scrap around the home just lies in bed all day and out all nite with a boyfriend of 21 i clean and cook and walk my younger to school which is 3 miles there and back no bus service my husband left me at home twice this year to go on hol with his mum taking my kids i had a falling out with her husband 2yrs ago and i did say sorry but they still blanked me and my husband goes out at weekends and leaves me at home with kids dont say where he is and dont phone me only when there is a need am so depressed what should i do

thanks to most i will take the bull by the horns

i was kicked and hit as a child thought i would do the right thing by not doing those things to my kids

Answer 1

If your children aren't cowering when you come home, you have failed as a parent.

Answer 2

I think you answered your own question. Sounds like your homelife is chaotic and insecure. Should it be any surprise that your daughter has detached herself.

Also, I recommend you step up and be the parent. It matters not that your daughter is almost 18. If she lives under your roof and eats the food you provide, she oughta be following your rules. If you've been allowing your teen to govern herself for the last several, you'll gonna have one heck of a time getting her head screwed on straight again. One place you can start is establishing some rules. Here's a few to get you started...
(1) No going out on a school night
(2) 9 pm curfew on all dates/outings
(3) No chores = no allowance
(4) Get an afterschool job. And no job is too menial.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer 3

You're a mother first and foremost. Your daughter is 18 and still living under your roof. Don't be afraid to put your foot down and set some ground rules for her. Give her some chores to do before she heads out with her boyfriend. She's old enough to help you out. As for your husband, you need to talk to him about how you are feeling. He doesn't know what's going on in her head or what emotional issues are going on if there is no communication between the both of you. Tell him all of this and tell him that he needs to spend time as well with the family.

Answer 4

Why does this surprise you? Quit being everyone's doormat!
Your new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. You must step into your power as such.

You have to be the parent, which means you must use every method at your disposal to instill the values in your children that will help them to be successful in life. They cannot navigate our society without morals, ethics, responsibility and respect.

If that means instilling respect by means of a well aimed slap on the face or a doubled-up belt across their behinds, then so be it. You do what you must to get the point across.

While the 18 year old is under your roof, she must obey your rules. She must go to school, keep her grades up, do her homework, pick up after herself and do whatever chores you ask of her. If she does not comply, the door is that-a-way. Cut off the money pipeline to this one. She is old enough to get a job to pay her own way.

You also need to get your hubby on the same page. If you can't go on holiday with him, then he can't go. If you can't go with him on the weekends, then he can't go either. Treating you like this is abuse and you are not a slave. Spell everything out and get ready to go on strike.

Get a credit card from the hubby and get yourself a scooter to haul the little one down to the bus stop with... put a basket on it so you can do some shopping. These are actually a lot of fun.

Answer 5

Your children have been trained to treat you like crap. Dad treats you like crap and nothing happens to them when they do it so it must be OK. Teens are spongers only if they are allowed to be. You sow what you reap.

That answers your question but doesn't help you. You should start with putting your foot down. Demand proper treatment or there will be consequences -from everyone. Tell your husband that to stay in this marriage you expect respect and consideration from both him and the children. If your daughter is nearly 18 you are almost done with her. Have you set a move out date for her? If not, she'll need to either get a job and pay rent or go to college, either way as an adult if she wants to the privilege of staying instead of rightfully being booted from the nest, she has to abide by your rules.

You and your husband need to be a united team in charge of the children. He isn't participating. He needs to. I'm sorry to say that if he keeps mistreating you, you need to consult a divorce attorney - NOT to file immediately, but to discuss your protection and worst case scenarion should your husband refuse to re-engage in the family.

Life is TOO SHORT to remain in an abusive situation. I don't know how old your younger child is, but that one might still be saved. Try to secure the house, a transitional income, and custody of the younger should you need to separate for the remaining participants in the family who are healthy.

Answer 6

Because teen and kids today live in the push button get results now world we created for them. They don't know hard work and sweat. And don't appreciate what it takes to make a buck or save one. They want the easy job push a button and make 40 and hour. My oldest son is like that figures everyone owes him a living. And always tries to find the easy way out. If he can't he simply won't do whats required. I look forward to the day when he and all his slacker buddies finally have to roll up their sleeves and get dirty doing some real work. Maybe then they will understand the values we were taught. Hard work equals its own rewards and play.

Answer 7

Because it's YOUR job as a mother to TEACH your child responsibility. If you allow her to lay around in bed all day and not help with chores, of course that's what she's going to do. Unfortunately, your opportunity to instill a sense of responsibility in your oldest daughter has probably passed. However, you still might have a chance to teach that to your youngest child.

Growing up, I knew it was my job to clean my room, vacuum and dust the living room once a week, and do the dishes one night a week. If I didn't do those things, I didn't get an allowance, and I was grounded until I did them. When I was old enough to get a job, my parents told me that it was my responsibility to pay for my own car insurance if I wanted to drive. After college, I moved back home for a year, and I was expected to contribute $100/month to my parents toward my own room and board. I am now a responsible, hardworking adult because my parents TAUGHT me to be. You can't blame your daughter for not learning lessons that you never bothered to teach her.

Answer 8

Hi,first tell your daughter & boyfriend you want them to move out.i know it will hurt & cause a big rift but believe me in the end it will be worth it.Maybe your husband is getting away from them.You should ask him if he will not give you an answer then I think you are better off without him.How he could go on holiday & leave you i do not know except I would not have put up with it.They are the reason for your depression & you need to look after yourself.They are taking advantage of your good nature.For your sake put an end to it & get rid of them.Good Luck

Answer 9

I am 18 years old now. When I was 5-11 I was living with my father and all he did was kick the crap out of me and lock me in a room. My mom got custody of me and i moved in with her at 11. From 11-18 I ran the house. He was the lazy one. I cooked dinner....cleaned the whole house. By my self. Not all teens are like yours. You should have been firmer with them when they were growing up.

Answer 10

it sounds to me that your main problem is not the daughter but the unsupportive husband.he needs to be bought into line before the daughter.you have obviously done everything in the house and your husband is using u like a doormat so what does the daughter do??we lead by example but some people take the easy option like your daughter because mum will sort it out.do things like your own washing and not hers that way when she runs out of clothes she has got no one but herself to blame as she is capable of doing things herself .things like that.but you have to be stronger willed than her and your husband.he needs a talking to.i have three sons am on my own and work full time .to prove a point i kept oine knife,fork spoon and plate etc in my room and used it myself and washed it up.when dinner came and there was no clean plates because they had used them all while i was out they were shocked to learn that in order to eat they washed up after themselves.it worked within 2 hours.you can't be head cook and bottle washer 24/7 plus councillor and good old miss reliable.like i say husband first then daughter

Answer 11

just think in a couple years these sponging teens will be running this country and paying our retiremant now that is a real shocker and i agree if they arent cowering youve failed goes for the hubby also put you foot down throw one hell of a fit shock and awe the whole house and demand that things change