My husband has been unemployed...?

Question

for about a month. Hes driving me freaking CRAZY. He has interviewed with a several really good companies but nothing has come of it. He has been given the option of taking his old job back, which is less money and a total step in the wrong direction. He is really down about it and I have tried to be totally supportive, by not being negative. Why is he blaming his having to take his old job back on me? He quit his most recent job, because he and I have agreed that he was working for a female Attila the Hun. But, I feel like kicking his A$$. I have told him over and over its just for the time being until he can find another job. Does anyone have any advise for me? Because I feel like I am going to explode and have to go to anger management soon! I take kickboxing and I have been hitting the punching bag as hard as I can, but I cannot seem to get rid of this overwhelming urge to beat his a$$.

I work full time...

We both agreed his boss was a B&*(&, but I did NOT encourage him to leave. I told him to find another job before he quit. But, he could not stand it any longer, and just quit one day.

I do love him! We are just having a hard time at the moment, and I am TRYING to be supportive, but he has to stop blaming me.

Answer 1

Sounds like both of you are feeling a lot of stress right now. I do not know how great an idea it was to quit a job before he had another one lined up but the past is the past. You are where you are and being negative will not nothing to help you move ahead to a better place. Just try not to blame each other, make moves to make moves to make things better, and remember this is only temporary. Good Luck

Answer 2

Why would his old job be less money if it's only been a month since he worked there? Most companies that I have worked for have a 90 day reinstatment at the same rate of pay. Perhaps it really is Attila!

What do those several companies say when he follows up the interview?

It's only been a month? It took me 9 months to replace my job the last time I quit before doing a little homework first. Found out the hard way that if I had held on to my position and got my resume out there it looked like I was searching for advancement instead of being a quitter. Maybe you should consider taking his wishes. I figure he doesn't really want to take the old job back but it sounds like it's more your decision. Let him decide this time, stay out of it. Try practicing this: Yes dear, if that's what you decided.

Answer 3

There is a point at which being supportive becomes being an enabler in an abusive situation. You two need to sit down and put together a game plan. Explain that the bills will not get paid on one salary and that you will not put up with him laying around the house.

He quit of his own volition. It is always easier to find a job while you are employed than it is while being unemployed.
If he goes back to the old job, he should use their resources to fax and e-mail resumes to prospective employers.

This is all about common sense.

Your new mantra is, “If the mama ain’t happy, then NOBODY is happy.” The mama is the ultimate authority. You must step into your power as such. Cancel the cable TV subscription and tell the cable company that nobody can reactivate it in that household but you.

Answer 4

If you need the money, then him going back to his old job will need to be good enough for the time being. Maybe the thought of taking his old job back will motivate him to find a new and better one. As for you not getting along, is it because hes home a lot more? If so, it can be weird to be thrown off your routine but take some deep breaths and realize that hes obviously trying. it'd be different if he was just sitting at home not looking for a job but he IS trying. so try and relax and maybe even find ads for jobs for him as well. If you really need time apart, then go do things with your friends, get out of the house etc.

Answer 5

You said that you are "totally supportive". Then you mentioned he is driving you freaking CRAZY, and then you feel like you're going to explode. Then you said you're about to get anger management soon, then you describe about your fits of kickboxing and this overwhelming urge to beat his ***.

Sounds to me, like you're decieving yourself into thinking you are being "supportive". It would behoove you to search your own self right now to see just how "supportive" you really are.

Have you asked him if you're being supportive? I'm afraid you won't like the answer.

If you don't work out your rage and anger issues, you could destroy not only his already low esteem, blow the biggest opportunity to show your "real" and "true" love and support when he needs you the most, you could blow the marraige and two lives; simply because you have allowed your emotions to take hold of you.

I wonder if you were in your well, and lost your entire family that you were close to, lost a good friend, and felt like crap, and your husband had to hold back from doing the very things you are feeling like doing. How would that encourage or motivate, or empower you?

Take a peek in the mirror and change your attitude; be the real best friend and support he needs you to be.

Answer 6

Sounds like hubby's pride is in the way. I would encourage him to apply for other jobs, regardless of the pay. Because having little money beats having no money. And tell him to stay at it because finding a fulltime job is a fulltime job.

I think the real issue here is your anger, I would try to do something relaxing: meditation, drinking tea, reading a book. Especially because kickboxing encourages your enraged behavior instead of calming it.

I wish you both the best.

Answer 7

listen love him his anger and frustration comes from him feeling like hes failing to be the man you want which results in his sullen behavior and blaming you for having to take his old job back talk too him and tell him you understand and will do anything to help him and you being non negative isnt really supporting him now is it well im going to work now honey good luck getting turned down now sweety and ill call you if i aint busy love ya thats non negative but not supportive try cuddling in his arms and rubbing him and tell him it is going to be ok whether you beleive it or not you cant really tell how much weight that lifts off his shoulders then take him by the hand and lead him into the bed room and.........

Answer 8

When men get scared they tend to take it out on the wrong person. He is probably just scared and needs some reasurring that you love him and are behind him on whatever he decided 110%. He just need to hear it from you. He is nervous and having a hard time right now. He still should go for his dreams and find a job that he loves right away. Do not allow him to feel sorry for himself because he would then sink further down.

Answer 9

* You say your husband quit his job & he now blames you! I would feel like kicking his a@@ also! It isn't your fault & you don't have to feel bad! Just start thinking positive & he may soon get his act together & find another job or return to the one he had! I do not understand why he would have to take a pay cut but he may have to bite the bullet & go back to his former employer until he finds something more to his liking!

Answer 10

Do you love this man at all? Nothing you have written shows any genuine love and affection for him. You're the typical high school bully, out for blood whenever things don't go your way. It might be necessary for your husband to take his old job back, until he can find something better. And once he has found a better job, his next step should be to get rid of you, because you are providing him with absolutely nothing, except negative energy!