My wife and I have been together 16 yrs. I cheated 7 yrs ago when we had just one kid. A couple years later we had your youngest. I came clean and have felt terrible since I cheated. Last yr she wanted out and I got her to stay. Now last week she saw an atty and filed divorce pprs. I got them and never said. We had sex all weekend and I told her last night. She admits to cheating but with no sex. I still think that 16 yrs is a lot to throw away. I got an atty too protect myslef but have told her its not to late to call them off. She still gave me a kiss goodnight and goodbye this morning. She also cried herself to sleep. She said she feels nothing but the sex is because she feels bad. What do you read into this and do you think this can still be saved? Any help will be appreciated. 16 years is way to much for me to turn my back on. I just dont want to turn my back on this relationship and my kids. Im scared to death.
2007-10-16 05:58:32 · 11 answers · asked by browns_86 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife is crying because she obviously still cares. It is too bad you both cheated on each other, she probably cheated to get back at you feeling she was justified for your bad behavior so now you both have HUGE trust issues. Whatever you do...STAY TOGETHER...don't move out of the house, don't stay in a hotel...stay with her..let her know YOU are not giving up on the marriage. Make an appointment to see a couples therapist even if she won't...show her you want to stay together. And for GOD's sake don't listen to your attorney. Divorce is big business for attorneys...they want you to go through a nasty divorce because it means $$$ for them. It is good that you retained counsel but I wouldn't do much at this point because you are trying to get back with your wife. GOOD LUCK!
2007-10-16 06:26:16 · answer #1 · answered by lahockeyg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to go to counseling together but if she filed the papers, she must be unhappy and you have to bring some happiness back into the relationship. Tell her you are sorry that you have taken her for granted for so long - you probably did without realizing it - and do those things you would do if you were just starting out in the relationship - bring her flowers home, make arrangements for the kids and go somewhere special together, and do anything else you did to make her love you in the first place. If she sees you trying that hard, she may try a little harder to save the marriage also. Between those things and counseling you may be able to save the relationship and have 16 more years of happiness. I hope you can get this to work for both your sakes and the sake of the kids.
2007-10-16 06:26:39 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun no one wants pity sex. ask her for a separation & tell her that the 2 of you can get counseling to see if your marriage is worth saving or if it is truly over. If after counseling you find that it is really over then you will follow through with the divorce papers.
You need to remember that even if you get a divorce that you are still a father to your kids, that will never change no matter what. She can not keep the kids away from you, unless there is some legal issue that may put the kids in danger.
I wish you well & hope things work out for the best.
2007-10-16 06:09:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your wife is trying to bring back the emotional connection you two use to share when you use to make love. I think the best thing for both of you would be to go to a marriage counselor. I agree, 16 years is a long time to throw away. DO EVERYTHING you can to make it work. And if nothing works, then at least you said you gave it a hell of a chance and you can let her leave without having doubt. I know you told her years ago about cheating, but the trust is really never the same without counseling. Do your marriage a favor and for now, drop the attorney's and give counseling a try.
2007-10-16 06:04:59 · answer #4 · answered by Chrystal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any relationship that is not divorced can be saved. The question is; is both parties willing to save it?
Both have to be willing to make it work. If one gives up, the other can't do it alone.
At this point, it is absolutely essential that both of you continually see a marraige counselor. Only through a 3rd party holding both of you responsible, (unbiased one at that), can you relationship start to heal of past hurts and present day loss of expectations.
2007-10-16 06:21:34 · answer #5 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any marriage can be saved......if both people are willing to work on it. It's obvious there is something holding her back and that she still has some feelings for you. I know it's cliche but the best thing for you to do is go to a marriage counselor. If you can't get her to go with you go alone. A professional can help you sort our your feelings and interpret the mixed signals she is giving you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Your best chances is if you can make her believe you really want to work it out and can get her to go with you.
2007-10-16 06:04:25 · answer #6 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its all about the kids. you can let them know it will be alright and that both mom and dad loves them very much. you hate to get to the end of your life and say "she was a good woman, BUT..." both of you will be better for this in the end. just be civil around the kids and realize that you will pay child support/alimony until your kids are considerably older. but this shouldnt matter to you because there is nothing better than being someones dad. trust me, divorced 12-30-2006
2007-10-16 06:05:40 · answer #7 · answered by wee willie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't seem to mind " turning your back " on the marriage after 9yrs by cheating. Adultery has a price and now your paying for it. Next time around try and think before you act.
I just feel so sorry for your poor children,once again the children suffer for the sins of the parents.
2007-10-16 07:09:42 · answer #8 · answered by gordie1 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Tell her you want to see a marriage councilor before you sign the papers. If a councilor can't help then you will sign the papers. You both deserve another shot.
2007-10-16 06:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two blabbed way to much to each other. Stop having sex with her. Start dividing the stuff up and stay out late with no explanation. Also spends lots of your time with the kids and tell her you are asking for shared custody 50/50 and plan to buy out your share of the house.
Honestly this is the way to get her back. Once she sees how life is going to be with out you/the house and the kids she will come crawling back.
She needs to grow up.
2007-10-16 06:04:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋