Were they disapointed to learn the real you? What did you fake the most? What did your spouse fake the most?
Please share a story. Describe it. I got time to listen.
Please do not answer, "We had no pretenses" because that would be a lie. Everybody puts up a front even if it is a little one. So be real. AND IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE 100% HONEST THEN THIS QUESTION IS NOT FOR YOU SO DO NOT ANSWER IT. I am doing a research project in psychology on love.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
2007-10-16 05:26:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I told her I didnt need anyone too be happy. She latched on and we have been together for 16 years. I gave her everything I could and did everything I could with family in mind. Now she wants out so maybe I should make her answer this instead.
2007-10-16 05:39:52 · answer #1 · answered by browns_86 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all I think you might be going about your question a little wrong. I know what you are trying to get at, but I don't believe that most people intentionally put on as you would call a facade. I believe that most people just enhance the features and characteristics that they already have. People who are funny, tell more jokes, people who are sensitive, are a little more attentive, and so on. Where your perception of a facade comes into play is after people have achieved their goal (marriage), then there is no reason to impress so they relax their characteristics a bit. This is where most marriages start to deteriorate. Insecurity sets in and your spouse or yourself start to question why things don't seem the way they use to and usually start to blame themselves or find something else to blame it on rather than just understanding that in every relationship there is going to be a let down, i don't care how great your relationship is. So to answer your question....I am guilty of being the most attentive guy on the planet while my wife (15 years) and i were dating, which wasn't a facade just an enhancement of who i am. It might not be the best way to go about starting a relationship because it seems like false advertisement but i think it is just reality.
2007-10-16 05:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
First off, not everyone lies to their partners at all....I am not saying that I didn't, rather I'm saying that while I did, it was all small stuff that I didn't want to have found out about me until I was sure that I could trust him completely as the guy that I dated before him was a total dirt bag and I wasn't about to deal with that all over again....so I covered up my abusive past, my controlling mother and the partying that I had once done....nothing illegal, just stuff that I wasn't proud of and didn't want to be remembered by had we split up. After a few months I could see that he was serious and wasn't' about to let me go and I knew that he was the one so I didn't worry so much about my past and I sat down with him one night and we both told our life stories to each other, leaving out nothing and it turns out that we were more alike and all than we had thought! Since then we've never held anything back and I would like to think that this is the most loving, trusting, healthy relationship that I've ever had and I would do anything in the world to keep it from crumbling!
2007-10-16 05:48:43 · answer #3 · answered by amyhwoods 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dunno, I think we "came out" pretty early in the relationship. I mean, we moved in together after knowing each other for only 3 months, and I can say that the basic things we knew about each other then seem to have remained unchanged. So either we're still putting up a front - or we were pretty honest from the get-go. The most pretentious thing I've ever done, I'd say, would be cleaning my house the best I could before inviting me over - my place could be quite a pig sty when I lived alone; I'm not the cleanest person in the world. But this issue got resolved by hiring a maid once we moved in together.
2007-10-16 05:46:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, when my spouse and I were dating we talked about whatever really. But we kind of stayed away from the whole "family" topic. We both had our own family issues, and at the time we were both still living with our families. So basically every time he would ask me how's my family or how I was doing.. I would say everything's ok. When it wasn't. Same goes for him. Because we didn't want to worry or upset the other. Those kind of topics didn't come to pass until maybe our 6-8 month dating period like right before he proposed. Now, everything is out in the open on both sides.
2007-10-16 05:31:52 · answer #5 · answered by **Mystica** 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He had got his heart broken and would talk about her every once and a while and I acted like I didnt care. But when we first moved intogether I would get irritated by anything about another chick(glancing, them checking him out,etc) and I would connect it to her even though he dislikes her now.
I put on a facade about being happier than what I was sometimes when he would come to pick me up or if we would be out and about. It was mainly like a long drive or something not like we are doing something fun and I just didnt enjoy it. I was happy to be with him but in a previous relationship(about 8months or so prior I dated a guy who ended up raping&stalking me). I didnt ever realy fart unless it was like outside somewhere because I didnt wanna gross him out. The only thing he really faked was how often he farts/burps/poops, which I just laugh about now because he is a very good guy and mustve thought I wouldnt like him because of it.
2007-10-16 05:34:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Seriously I didn't. I don't for anyone....you don't like me then you can Fock off, plain and simple. I've got enough drama in my life without having to be something I'm not so people will like me.
Now my X on the other hand....he acted like a normal kind everyday person....only to get 3 years into the marriage and he became increasingly abusive. The that is the abusers MO.
2007-10-16 05:39:07 · answer #7 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My spouse faked the degree of involvement of his ex wife in his life. She really is a bad natured woman who tries to worm into everything and tries to make us miserable. I wasn't aware of the lengths she would go through to try to stay involved in his life. I wish I would have known.
I didn't let him fully know the degree of sadness I feel when there are family problems that stem from the way I was raised.
Other than that I feel that because I was in my 40's when I met him that I had nothing to loose by telling him the truth and seeing me for who I really am. I was at a point in my life where I wanted someone to love me for who I really am...I let him see me....and you know what? He loves me.
2007-10-16 05:35:07 · answer #8 · answered by Rein 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There was no need for pretense -I was going thru an UGLY divorce at the time, so he saw me at my worst. We met as workout buddies and saw each other every day, as friends only. He was supportive but did not try to "save" me or anything. It was a horrible time and he still hung in there, loving me and encouraging me in whatever choices I made for myself. When the dust cleared, we began to see a future for us together.
2007-10-16 05:36:51 · answer #9 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I tried to be myself but I was nervous around my girlfriend when I first met her because I liked her so much. She likes the real me better because I don't mess everything up all the time with nervousness. I used to never say the right thing, and I always a little uptight but now that I am comfortable, she likes me better.
2007-10-16 05:34:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋