Why do I have so many fairweather friends?

Question

I'm a very friendly outgoing guy and I seem to connect fairly well with people but it seems that nearly all the people I get to know just want whatever they can get from me - like when I made $47 an hour and was very generous with people I had all kinds of people around and when I was injured and couldn't work and I was in the hospital and all that - where was everyone. My wife and I really communicated with a lot of people and we were very generous and then when she died, everyone vanished, and only 2 people one in Texas and one in Iowa (I live in Wisconsin) cared enough to check on me to see how I was doing. So as long as I'm the one calling them, everything is ok, but what about when I can't call them. I don't know why this happens all the time. It seems when I make an effort to reach out to more people I just end up with more acquaintences, and honestly I dont' want more acquaintences, I just want more real friends, and I'm at a loss to understand this.

I now give anonymously - I dont' want my friendship to be based on money.. when I said I was injured - I had a spinal injury - I couldn't walk and I couldn't do things for myself and nobody even tried to help me. My wife died and nobody called me, nobody came over here nothing. But they called asking me to do things for them. I always thought if I really was kind and gave to others than whenever I was in need people would be there and care, but it just isn't the case. I even have heard this preached in churches, and it's just not true. I don't give to get, I give because I care about others. but it isn't just giving money - it's giving of myself and my time too which is also very valuable. It's like when I was incapacitated everyone avoided me and now that I'm doing better people call. Most of the people who called me after my wife's death waited an entire year to call me. most waited at least 9-10 months - they waited till things calmed down a little. don't get it

Answer 1

You sound like a wonderful person. I am in the same predicament.
Today I have a cold. No one has called to check on me. But like you, some people want what they can get out of me now. They use to call me the 'bank', I don't play that game anymore. I learned from the experience. Don't worry we are too nice of people and someone is out there waiting for our friendship. In the mean time do things you enjoy. Soon we'll be with that 'good friend' no need to worry now.