Now I know that getting along with family members are a must but this is starting to wear on me. My gf (future fiance in 2 months) is such a great person. She is so sweet and has a personality that litterally, lights up the room. I have never been anywhere with her where she didnt make immediate friends and conversations with perfect strangers.
With this said, it constantly seems like her mother, who she recently roommated with to ease the financial burden on her mother during her mothers divorce, has constantly rode her. Shes 33 years old but her mom treats her like shes 17. Constantly riding her and telling her what to do.
Ive tried so hard to stay out and just supply words of encouragement but its getting really hard to stand by and watch this. I dont want to cause problems with my future mother in law but this is getting very, very old. I really dont like people pushing her around like this.
What do I do?
2007-10-16 04:14:22 · 12 answers · asked by catfish 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Please note this has not caused problems between she and I. She hasnt responded negatively to anything. Im the one that is having the tormoil of keeping my mouth shut and walking away.
2007-10-16 04:28:25 · update #1
It is up to her to stand up to her Mother.You should gently suggest that she do this and let her know that her emotional duress from taking it on the chin is stressful to you as well. She should pick her battles and immediately address the issues as they occur. Her mom will eventually get the message that her little girl has grown up. All you can do is offer emotional support during these times but stay out of the line of fire.
2007-10-16 04:31:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your fiance-to-be about what you see happening and how you feel it is affecting you.
My fiance feels much the same as you. Although, he thinks that I am too 'nice' to my family given how they've treated me. I'm one of those people who, if someone in my family calls me for anything, I jump - even if they don't do the same for me. Family is VERY important to me and so my fiance has come to understand this - albeit a little more slowly than I would have liked because anytime he complained about it to me I felt like I was under even more pressure.
You fiance will need to stand up for herself if she cannot handle her mother. Moving in with her mother was probably a big mistake...her mom will become dependent on her for everything and this will not have any positive effects on your relationship with her. She needs to let her mom be independent. (force her to be independent)
The best thing you can do is just be supportive of your fiance. Listen to her when she needs someone to talk to about it and don't offer advice but rather ask her what she thinks should be done. Help her decide for herself when she's had enough.
2007-10-16 11:26:49 · answer #2 · answered by JD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you're girlfriend is supporting her mother like this, but I also think her mother is being overprotective: she's 33 years old...should be treated as an adult, and shouldn't have to put up with that, even from her parental guardian. I would talk to your girlfriend and possibly talk about moving in together, seeing as you'll be getting engaged soon, and most likely starting a family. Go off on your own together and explore new things :) and CONGRATULATIONS!!! I hope everything works out for you!!
2007-10-16 11:19:00 · answer #3 · answered by kasey1356 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, to your girlfriend, are you most important for her future or is her mother? If she says her mother, then move on. Mothers life and mothers problems belong to her mother, not you as a couple. The two of you need your own place, now, don't even wait for the marriage. It is common for in-laws to create problems and be in conflict with someone in the family. I used to get along with my in-laws till I realized how disfunctional they are. I don't keep my husband from seeing his family, I just don't go along and everything works out fine then.
2007-10-16 11:26:58 · answer #4 · answered by *sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what your life will be like with her. Could try sitting her down and asking if you will become the most important thing in her life once you are married or will she choose Mommy.
Even in the Bible it says get married and cleave to your husband. I see trouble ahead.
Why is she enabling her mother? Moving in with Mom was a bad move.
She should not be torn between you and her Mom. Her path is clear, you should be number one. Ask her to read Dr Laura's book "The proper care and feeding of husbands". In return you can offer to read her marriage book.
Seek counseling?
Whatever you do, do not marry her thinking she will change. Good luck
2007-10-16 11:22:55 · answer #5 · answered by funngirly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance needs to stand up for herself! Sadly, this is most likely the way she and her mother have always been. its great that your girl doesnt have any self-esteem issues so perhaps she tunes out her mother. I think the encouragement you supply to your fiancee should be continued and good luck.
2007-10-16 11:19:23 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have a right to stick up for her but y dont you bring it up in a civil way, its hard not to bring an arguement out of this but she's obviously your world and its hard to see someone being pushed around, your girlfriend needs to realise this is hurting you and she is of an age where she can stand up to her mam, tel her to be strong or else her mother will run her into the ground
2007-10-16 11:23:27 · answer #7 · answered by emma m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her mom to f*ck off and have it out with her and tell her like it is. I would do this, and for that very reason, i chose my future hubbie's with care, so that they didn't have living relatives to tell them what to do. But my future hubby had friends that would tell him to do things with them and not me. i got rid of them after they split us up just before my baby was born. I told them that if they didn't want to deal with me, then they could go to hell. In fact, i had help: their parents. And his friends were grown people!! if u don't set her mother straight, then u will have problems like this throughout your entire marriage!! It will put those perceptions of the wicked mom- in- law to justice!
2007-10-16 11:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by Dragonflygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move your girlfriend out of that apartment and into one with you. Her mother is grown and should be able to take care of herself. If she never prepared for this, to bad. Live and learn.
2007-10-16 11:17:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would defend her if i was you dont push the problem to the limit but make your opinion heard because problems with the mother-in-law are nothing compared to tears from the one you love because of her i hope this helps
2007-10-16 11:18:53 · answer #10 · answered by luna 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋