My husband and I have had some SERIOUS ups and downs over the last few years. We were separated due to lying, drug addiction and another woman in 2005. We were living together, again, by Jan 2006 and I thought things were going well. This past July, we had a baby son.
Now, I've found several lies he told. I also found emails he sent in response to some craigslist ads for casual encounters. He denied even writing them...and even said that maybe I was trying to set him up in order to get out of the marriage. Yesterday, I wrote to one of the women and received a confirming response that he had, indeed, met her in the past (on a different CL ad) and that he wrote to her this past Monday. He said something to the effect of, "I'll give you $200 if you do coke."
He still denies this. We are going to marriage counseling beginning tomorrow. He swears he loves me and our son and wants to be happy and grow old together and have a trusting relationship.
Can counseling help?
2007-10-16 03:07:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To add a little more detail, I will also say that my husband was diagnosed as bi-polar in early 2005 and he has depression. He takes 6 or 7 meds a day. He's been hospitalized twice, for suicidal tendencies. Once was in Feb 05 and then again in Feb 06.
Now, I really do think he's using drugs, again. But, I gave him a drug test yesterday and he passed.
Things are not making sense and I'm starting to feel like I'm in a bit of shock over what is going on. I don't know why I keep wanting to try to make things work. Maybe it's our baby or the love I have or my hope for him to be a better man. I don't know, but I am really hurting. My heart sinks just thinking about it and I'm becoming confused. I know I will keep my son's safety as the #1 priority, though.
I really feel like
2007-10-16 06:24:14 · update #1
I should also say we've been "together" since 1992 and married since 2000.
2007-10-16 06:24:59 · update #2
If he had recently wrote to this other woman talking about doing coke, he still has a serious addiction and counseling won't help with that unless he is also enrolled in a program for substance abuse at the same time. Perhaps you need another separation and this time, don't come back until he proves to you that he is involved in a substance abuse program and over his addictions. It is better to separate and if necessary divorce now while the son is young than to let this drag on to the point that the son learns to be like his father and into drugs as well. Good luck to you!!
2007-10-16 03:35:34 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes counseling can help the individual, but if you are disgusted with you marriage, husband and life, no amount of counseling is going to change your mind.
HOWEVER, counseling may help you with better coping skills and to start taking care of YOU instead of putting up with his crap. Because it's HIS crap, not yours. And you have been tolerating it, and not taking care of YOU.
It's very difficult to cope with a drug addict, and a person can easily find themselves in a codependent situation.
Keep the craigs list ads and any emails you have found.. give them to an attorney or someone else for safe keeping.
Your husband may love you, but from where i sit, he loves drugs and cheating more -- he doesn't respect himself, so how can he respect you?
Get involved with the counseling for YOU... learn to take care of YOU emotionally -- and let the therapist know you would like to learn how.
You can also go to Narcotics Anonymous "open" meetings... these are support groups for addicts, but the open meetings are for anyone to attend. You can learn a lot about addiction and how it affects people who have lived with an addict. It's incredible the emotional impact and effect it has on our lives.
Take care. ok?
2007-10-16 10:16:06 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling can and will help. It may not be the kinda help you wanted, but it will guide you in the right direction.
Counseling is the mature intellectual choice for those serious about relationships. I even recommend it for those whose relationships are NOT in crises! It helps open up and make accessible other parts of a relationship that might otherwise go unnoticed.
2007-10-16 10:13:50 · answer #3 · answered by dynastronii 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't believe counseling can help. You just had a son and he is on craigslist trying to get other women? You need to take a look around and step into reality here..He is a liar and cheat and uses drugs. You and the baby need to get away from that. Especially your son.
2007-10-16 10:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by -----------n 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
To have a trusting relationship, both people have to be trustworthy. Your husband is a liar and a cheat! What good can counseling do under these circumstances? WHY are you trying to carry the whole marriage on your shoulders? Get a lawyer!
2007-10-16 10:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all I want to compliment you on your commitment to your family. Too many people just want to walk away at the first sign of trouble these days. However, this is becoming a pattern, and I would encourage you to take a look at the pattern. Marriage counseling can give you an outlet to express your feelings and emotions, but you can't change someone... the have to want to change themselves, and chances are he doesn't want to change. I would walk away
2007-10-16 10:18:37 · answer #6 · answered by vaughnc5920 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I honestly do not believe that he can change. He is not In love with you. He loves his drugs....He cheats with other women. I know it hurts but you need to move on & make a better life for yourself. I truly believe that he will always cheat on you. If he truly loved you why has he been with other women? Do your son a favor......leave him. Your ex needs to be rehabilitated & then needs a hard lesson in life. He can't get that with you. He used you. Leave him & get on with a new life. Good Luck.
2007-10-16 10:25:28 · answer #7 · answered by simplesimon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
M sorry to say so but it will not helo unless and untill he admits his fault and is guilty about it.you'll be only wasting time and money trust me,just get him out of your life before its too late and u have no other doors left to knock,good luck!!
2007-10-16 10:37:13 · answer #8 · answered by country_girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think anything can help after someone cheats. The relationship is ruined and can never be the same. Move on.
2007-10-16 10:11:13 · answer #9 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
once a liar always a liar same thing goes with cheating. and with the drugs/coke & cheating we all know what it could to lead to. can you say aids thats what it could lead to. ... dump him before its to late.
2007-10-16 10:27:50 · answer #10 · answered by joes_mom86 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋