Well, me and my husband have been together for a total of 8 years but married for almost 5. So when we first met, he had this female friend, whom he was close with. During my first pregnancy we had broken up and he supposedly had sex with her a few times, but remained friends. When we got back together before our child was born, he told me what had happened and I asked him not to see or speak to her anymore. So now just a few weeks ago, she found him on "Myspace". So he told me...and I reminded him of my displeasure of her. So he tells me that he's not giving up his best friend and he shouldn't have had to in the first place. We argue about more...because, I'm trying to figure out my worth here. Then he admitts that they really never had sex and that he only said that to me to make me jealous over our breakup in the past.
I then contacted his friend on myspace and asked her if it really happened...and she said no...and she had cussed him out for telling me that...and understands why..
2007-10-16 03:06:34 · 29 answers · asked by shantia0202 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why I don't like her. But I'm still uneasy of this friendship because...he just doesn't want to end it regardless of how I feel about it.
I don't have any male friends.
2007-10-16 03:08:06 · update #1
So the question is...should I accept this friendship?
2007-10-16 03:08:51 · update #2
I know what needs to be done, what choices are available...I just wanted to know am I one that feels this way...because he feels that I'm pretty much being selfish.
2007-10-16 03:23:06 · update #3
All kinds of red flags in this situation.
You have every right to have full disclosure about this 'female friend' of his.
Be careful.
Be brave.
2007-10-16 03:10:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I agree with KP...you probably should address the trust issue...preferably with a counselor.
Now the following is IMHO
The question I have is: what was the purpose of him lying about having sex with another woman, while you were pregnant? Was he trying to get you to break it off? Something is fishy here, and needs to be explored further.
A lot of people say men and women can be friends: that is probably only true if the man is gay. Gay man + woman friend...probably no sex vibe. Straight man + gay woman: if she's attractive, he'll probably still try to get her in the sack. Straight man + straight woman: man is biding time until he can sleep with her...but she has put him in the friend zone. Trust me here...men are friends with other men when they want ot share hobbies, comradery , or a beer. Men are friends with women whom they want to sleep with but can't just yet. They are laying the ground work.
This doesn't mean that the man will ever act on it, but it is in man's nature to sleep with mutliple females...it is the consequences of his actions in his own personal circumstance that keeps that from happening as a general rule. The man is married, and doesn't want to risk divorce...the woman is a co-worker , and the man doesn't want to risk his job..etc. Are men dogs? No...they are ruled by biology just like every other animal...the human brain and free will can only do so much.
So it is also true that married women who have "male friends"...husbands, don't belive for a second that those "plutonic" male friends aren't trying to get your wife in the sack.
That being said, in my life I have know of many more women who have cheated than men!
Bird and Bees people...there is a reason that there are 6.6 billion people on Earth
2007-10-16 10:40:26 · answer #2 · answered by Jonathan L 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know my mother in law had the same problem with my father in law. they had a couple that they did everything with. When she thought the woman "Lisa" and her husband "Michael" were getting to close so told him that she didn't want him to be with Lisa alone. He said NO!! well 10 years later they are still together, but the only thing is that she says that she will always wonder if he did anything with her. I believe they did and although I have nothing to do with it, I don't want our son (who's 3) to look up to my father in law because I don't want my son to think that is what a man is supposed to be like.
So my answer would be if you think that you can handle the little lingering thoughts when he talks or goes out with her then try it. But personally I wouldn't.
2007-10-16 10:18:57 · answer #3 · answered by Melissa C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you told your husband this was an uncomfortable situation for you, he is in the wrong for still trying to persue the friendship. You have no way of truly knowing what happened. There should be only be room in your man's life for one woman...you. If he persists in remaining contact with this woman, I would take that as a clear sign he thinks of her more than just a friend. Otherwise, why is he making such a big deal out of it? You shouldn't have to worry about what your man is out doing. His track record proves he is kinda shady when it comes to the truth. Of course she denies everything...what do most people do when confronted with a not so flattering image of themselves...lie and deny!
2007-10-16 10:26:55 · answer #4 · answered by Really now 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
yeah i be pissed to if i had someone i love tell me that to. i would be uneasy about their friendship too... cause if the fact that he told you they had sex then took it back and that it seem she's more important to he then you're suppose to be to him. Have you told him how this all makes you feel? i think you both need to talk things out and find out what made you both break up in the first place.
it doesn't matter it you accept their friendship or not. i don't think you're being selfish you're just on guard in cast things escalate pass that.
2007-10-16 10:50:42 · answer #5 · answered by Blackfire 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just becuase you dont have a male friend, doesnt mean that he can not have a female friend. i guess the only reason you dislike her is because she is a female. i bet that if she was a male you wouldnt say anything about the issue. i had the same issue with my wife and now she understands that it is only a friend. i suggest you try being her friend, you never know you might have many things in common.
2007-10-16 10:44:06 · answer #6 · answered by xnismosr20de 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not the fact that she is a female friend. It is the fact that you have been subjected to some very unpleasant experiences because of what you have been told and because of the way you have been influenced to feel about her. Her existence in your lives has brought about uncomfortable and painful feelings and rightly so. It is not about the nature of their friendship at this point I don't think....it is all about what she represents. I wouldn't like it either. All bad. You should be his best friend. He is an insult to your entire person by labeling another woman his best friend. Ok....I'm mad now too.
2007-10-16 10:17:14 · answer #7 · answered by Rein 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
jsut try to calm down, if u think he would look in her for a woman, so just dont waste ur enrergy to keep him from contacting her, jsut focus ur energy on making him happy and not needing her, be his girl , his wife, gf, faincee, mistress ,slave, his secret woman.
make him chase u everywhere to get hold of u, but dont let him get it so easy , let him chase u for hours, then when u let him get u , make him never forget the amazing time u give him.
IDEAS:
sex outside, naughty massage, other sex positions, role plays ( slave, student and teacher, rape , any scene ), foreplays, tell him what u want and what u will do to him, u and him stay horny for days and then do it, try each other back doors, try to get strap on for him to wear and double penetrate u or u waer it and try 2 go in his back door.
lol
good luck
2007-10-16 10:25:04 · answer #8 · answered by michael 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
One of my husband's closest friends, happens to be a lady he works with. (Her husband also works there) As far as that goes, I figure if anything was going to happen between them, it would have already happened before we met. He is married to me, not her.
He also works with another lady, that unbeknownst to me, asked if she would consider having a menage a trois with him and I. I wasn't very happy with him proposing that without first consulting me.
He still works with her, and I'm feeling pretty secure with it all. After all, he's married to me and sleeps in our bed every night.
2007-10-16 10:36:50 · answer #9 · answered by Kathy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a difficult one, have you asked him if he ever had feeling for her? sounds like he did or does, for him to say that he slept with then turn out not to be the truth. what was he trying to accomplish? getting you jelous with something like is not manly like and even if it did he should have not told you anything. if he really cares and wants to be with you something like should have not been said in the first place. as to accepting their friendship, again ask what type of feelings are there... just friends or perhaps something else. talking to the female friend will help. it will perhaps make you feel much better. good luck
2007-10-16 10:14:06 · answer #10 · answered by urshyness2b 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He is blatantly disrespecting you by continuing on this friendship with a woman he DID have sex with, no matter what that slag says (she is obviously lying). Why would he make up sleeping with her a few times?
Tell him how you feel and then if he continues talking to that homewrecker, you know what to do! I would be upset, too.
2007-10-16 10:29:26 · answer #11 · answered by Mimi 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋