he's 35, I'm 24...we just had sex...to tell the truth, I never counted on him divorcing his wife, because I know it's unrealistic to expect a man getting a divorce, and I'm not sure if he really loves me, maybe I'm just a snack or something.....but I do love him, I don't expect a result between us coz not everything has to be a result........
I don't remember who said that to control a woman is through her vagina, I think he succeed, now it's impossible to delete him from my brain.......how long will this continue?...till I'm 30?35?.....by that time he won't lose anything but I'll lose my precious time.........really I don't know what to do....help?
2007-10-16 02:56:08 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
this relationship started half a year ago.....I didn't tell anyone, including my parents
2007-10-16 03:06:34 · update #1
Get out, sweetheart,(that's what my hus/boyf/ called me). You are a booty call! o.k. , that's your average answer-now we can really talk.First of all, I speak from experience when I say-It cannot end well...Next, I want you to be aware that EVERY single person involved gets hurt no matter how it turns out. And, finally,
you need to know, that your relationship involves "three" people-you, him AND ,her. For him and her there is a chance of working it out (although slight) but or you , if she is taken out of the picture in any way, for any reason, YOU and him WILL also end. You are just a part of another already existing relationship that had some cracks to be filled in it and, you are the crack filler.I am 40 and I was 34 when it started. We worked together. I fell in love also, hard.It went on for 3 agonizing years,
and included the following unforeseen "extras":
1. Him moving into my house (leaving his wife for about 2 eeks)
2.Two lost jobs(mine and then his)
3. 5 childrens lives effected(3-mine, 2 his)
4.Two over $1000.00 cell phone bills(his,mine)
5.At work scandal
6.Stress form all the sneaking around.
7. My life being turned up-side down.
8. A move to the desert(him and his whole family-it had nothing to do with me---sureeeeeeee!
9.And , finally, But definitely, not leastly(is that a word?)One Child Endangerment Charge(mine) complete with ! week in jail- visits from probation - one of the little extras that come with being placed on probation for 3 years-also, a parenting class at probation-
10. one '93 nissan sentra( mine transmition went out )
11.my life , my friends, my directions toward my goals--all compromised thanks to all the having to rearrange everything in order to be able to get together around the schedules of his wife and driving age kids.
I think that about covers it if you want to hear more e-mail me-W84f8is2ru@yahoo.com--meanwhile, if I think of anymore of the MANY consequences I suffered( that does'nt include what his wife , our kids, co-workers, and even the cat and dog went through)I will re-answer your question with them.
I do not doubt that you are inlove with this man-nor do I question his love for you-we were also inlove and it was real-for what it was) love is not the question- how else could you guys keep up all the secrecy if not for real love. I am not telling you to do anything.Just that you are aware of one of the "possible outcomes" and know how completely it can infiltrate and effect YOUR life and the consequences that I had/have to pay for having something i WAS HIDING IN MY LIFE. They will not suffer as much because they are holding their life together--AT YOUR EXPENSE. I make no judgements when I say these things, o.k.? The truth is that you are a minor inconvenience to them-they are holding their life together BECAUSE of YOU, because you are the one who has to make the most sacrifices to see him-right? You are the one who is wrong-the homewrecker-the "other woman". If she ever shows up you have to deal with the dissapointment when he simply hangs up on you-not to mention- the rearragement of YOUR WHOLE LIFE-WHEN HE "Just couldn't make it". I am going to be totally honest now--it WAS ABSOLUTELY almost worth it. The love was incredible!!!! I am still-however-recommending that you end it if you can as soon as possible, because the hurt that others(who had no choice in the matter) were forced to endure was NOT worth it...it makes you feel like the inconsiderate, thoughtless, reckless, and selfish person that you actually ARE BEING.(Remember, I speak from experience.)
Goo luck, sweetheart,
whatever you decide it will work out o.k. Oh yeah-also-remember-
MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND! No matter how "wrong"you are("acording to society"), you do what you feel is best for YOU. This is my new life theme ( I got it from my husband, who, 4 months ago left me for another woman-karma?-perhaps) and it just about covers it all-
"IT IS WHAT IT IS".
2007-10-16 06:29:39 · answer #1 · answered by R.Stafford 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience...LEAVE HIM ALONE. A relationship with a married man that is not separated from his wife will go nowhere. By continuing this "relationship", you are only showing him that you are content with being a side dish. It will only continue as long as you allow it to continue. Do not hold your breath waiting on him to leave his wife either. I can assure you that a man that will leave his wife for you, will eventually leave you for someone else too. Then what will you do?
You're only 20 something, so you are going to make some mistakes that many young women make. I'm only 28 and I've made my share of mistakes. However, a 35 year old man should definitely know better. He's more than likely using you for an ego boost and to get a nut. Older men often see younger women as being easier to manipulate. He doesn't love you and will say anything to get in your pants. Tell him that you will not have sex with him again until he leaves his wife and see what happens!
Are you sure you are in love or in lust? Do you think you would feel the same way about him if you two never had sex? Sex is nothing to build a relationship on. There are too many men in the world that aren't married that you can have mind-blowing sex with or even have something more serious with if you wanted too. Don't waste your time with this guy--its not worth the stress.
He needs to work out his issues with his wife. I'm sure if the same guy were to find out his wife was unfaithful, he would be devastated. Ironically, those who cheat are often enraged by the thought of their partner cheating on them.
Cut your losses and move on! You deserve so much more.
2007-10-16 03:21:26 · answer #2 · answered by Under Construction 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't answer his calls and don't call him.
You are wrong if you think they won't be a result, you could lose the best years of your life, you could end up childless, or you could end up being pregnant out of wedlock and he gets annoyed and leaves you anyway.
No way do you win when you love someone else's husband.
You don't even get to keep your self respect.
Stop it now, have a few drinks and feel sorry for your self, then find someone new. And unattached.
Think of the holidays you will be spending alone while he is with his family, that should cheer you up enough so a few weeks without him will seem like small potatoes compared with a lifetime in the background being second best in his life, no make that third best, his wife, then his kids will always come first.
2007-10-16 03:05:45 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Baby girl baby girl STEP AWAY!!!!!!!!! This is not the route you want to go. I have been with four married men. In love with all four so I thought. It was just comfort they gave me and I fed on it as love. Three said that I deserved everything but they never stepped up to the plate to give it to me. LET IT GO. People cheat because they find weak minded people such as yourself who are vulnerable prey. They will tell you anything to get what they want. His wife may not be taking care of him sexually but that doesn't give him a reason to cheat. Whoever said that you can control a woman through her vagina is so wrong. Your mind is WEAK. Controlling through the vagina is so far fetched. It's in your mind. YOU ARE WEAK MINDED AND HE IS USING THAT TO HIS ADVANTAGE. WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!! Trust me once you wake up he will find some other woman to do the same thing to. Besides if you think you have something with this man think again honey. If he does leave his wife to be with you which I seriously doubt, how long do you think it will be before he chases another skirt??????????? DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND FIND A REAL MAN. Someone who treasures you for who you really are and not just a sperm deposit box!
2007-10-16 03:36:01 · answer #4 · answered by Bree 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Oh boy, you need to wake up this guy is a selfish s.o.b, if he's only attracted to you for sex, he's using you and he has no respect for no-one.
Life is too short , you deserve better for yourself, there's nothing wrong with sexual attractions, but do it with someone that is not a cheating coward, the best you can is do move on show this guy you're not his second best..
Give yourself more respect and credit, eventually he'll just shut you out when he'll be done using you and move to someone else ,if he's cheating on his wife with you, he'll do anything with anyone, walk out of this mess with your head high he's the loser, he's not happy in his marriage that's his problem don't let him use you and bring you down with him.
There's so much better out there, find someone that will not use you as a sex machine but someone that will truly respect you, appreciate you, and truly love you and then when you'll see when you're ready to go all the way it will the best love making you'll ever have, there's notyhing better than making love to someone that has real feelings.
So get out there, rebuild your self-esteem show that idiot you will not his victim, save your heart for someone that will be worth it.
Goo luck
2007-10-16 03:19:03 · answer #5 · answered by Paul 1 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Can you not see that you are being used. This man is the lowest of the low, how can you even respect, let alone love a man that would treat his wife in this way.
GET OUT NOW and try to save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted years. Trust a man who knows, this will all end in tears. There will be no happy ending.
2007-10-16 03:26:24 · answer #6 · answered by t.bone 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't want to be mean here but what you should do is get some morals. Why would you get involved with a married man? Just bad bad karma. Of course he isn't going to get a divorce, he has the best of both worlds now! A nice home to go to at night, and a sweet 24 yr old to get his kicks from whenever he wants. Just go out and spend time with your friends, or alone and learn to have respect for yourself because if you don't, no one else will.
2007-10-16 03:03:04 · answer #7 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
it is incomprehensible to me that , that , single and married people end up in sex relationships . when i was young and in the scene , you did not cross that line ... because as you indicate they had committments to other people. common sense tells you that if they cheat on someone / they cheat on you . a majority of the time it holds true ... AND a majority of the time people make excuses for them / waste time .
more screening / knowledge of people needs to be done before a couple end up in sex situations.
i donot personally believe that most people can be sex just for sex sake .. as they believe they can be. most people think they can handle this .. .and they actually can't . why should they settle ? they are worth more. if only people could beleive that they are worth more . respect yourself and have high standards. don't accept less than you deserve. LOVE AND SEX are best TOGETHER. this was designed by GOd ... he invented it . He constructed a manufacturers guide to sex ., the holy bible... BIG SECRET .. MARRIAGE / Committment . sexual purity is dimished today. people do not get the simple concept.
there is a reason for this ... people do not understand that it's not a restriction ... this is a rule imposed for our own good .
you protect children with rules .. arm them with knowledge to protect them. teaching .
consult a bible .. get involved with a church . you must heal from this experience ... so you are ready for the right relationship. there is a person for every person .. do not worry and do not settle .
2007-10-16 03:10:12 · answer #8 · answered by Mildred S 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Sorry to tell you but reality is he will probably never leave his wife for you even if he says he will. Walk away and never contact him again you will forget about him in time. Just focus on your life and suceeding. Plus you don't really want to break up a marriage. Oh and if he is cheating on his wife no doubt sooner or later he would cheat on you. Find a nicer guy. Good Luck!!!
2007-10-16 03:01:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
you are correct, you are just a snack. he won't leave his wife and he will discard you as soon as you start pressing him to do that. Leave him right away and don't look back. it will hurt at first, but you will get over it.
the life of "the other woman" is about the worst deal you can get in life. Walk away right now, and if he pesters you, tell him you will call his wife if he doesn't leave you alone.
If he really feels for you in his heart, this will prompt him to act to end his marriage, but I would bet on him finding another snack instead.
2007-10-16 03:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by John M 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋