My wife want 100% of my attention, 100% of the time?

Question

My wife and I are fighting right now. I was doing a favour for a friend yesterday evening, trying to clear her computer of virus/spyware etc, and i ended up spending the evening working on it. My wife got angry and went kind of crazy, claiming i don't spend time with her (she watched tv while i worked on the computer). We practically spend all of our time together and i don't spend time with anybody other than her. She has really hurt me with some of the things she said last night, she dug up old resolved arguments, but can't give me any proof of what exactly i'm doing wrong, apart from being a genuine person helping other people out whenever I can, i.e. she wants the 100%! Before last Saturday, I'd say we were the happiest couple on earth, but since she spent time with a friend of hers who is having relationship trouble, it's like she has caught something! We were always romantic and passionate (we're married 6 months) but that has ended abruptly, what the hell is going on, help me!

We do spend quality time together, eat out, movies, going for nice walks. We're very romantic, hold hands a lot and tell each other everything. Maybe she wants drama, can this happen?

Answer 1

I was once exactly like your wife is being. It nearly eneded my marriage before it had a real chance of begining. The problem with many of us women is that if a friend is having trouble, we automatically think our husbands are doing something wrong too. I can't tell you why though.

I had to learn that some time apart doing different things actually helped mine and my husband's relationship. For me it took nearly four years, hopefully your wife wont take that long. My husband was extremely paitient with me, but I did nearly ruin what we had. I can't speak for your wife but what I went through was something like this....

1 -I wanted him around 24/7 all attention on me!
2 -I wanted him to open up and react to things the same way I did.
3 -I would get easily jealous, for no aparent reason.
4 -I thought my husband would be like my friend thought of her husband.
5 -I was going through ups and downs from being pregnant and hormone changes.

What changed... my way of thinking. My husband didn't do any more or any less than when we first started out. It was mostly all me. When I started having a fit, insisting he was cheating on me, he'd start ignoring me and stop trying to defend himself. He said that I was going to believe what ever was in my head and would not hear the answer I believed unless he lied to me. He was very paitient and nearly a saint for putting up with what I put him through.

My advice... let her say whatever she's going to say and just stay quiet if you can, or walk away and give her some time. Insist that she not follow or try to stop you from giving her some cool down time. Try to get her to see how she is acting like her friend without calling her crazy or psychotic (even if that's the way you feel). Also, let het know there is nothing wrong with you doing good deeds for others, female or male, especially if she is in the same or the next room.

And her digging up what you thought was resloved issues... that's just a technique many of us women try to use as ammo, no matter how unjust it seems. Sometimes we use perfectly harmless situations to prove our point even if it sounds ridiculous. What ever you do, don't tell her the words "It's not a big deal", or "It doesn't matter that much". Trust me, she will go into a bigger rage. If you need to say anything tell her something like, "I understand you are upset because I __________ (whatever you were doing). But I want you to understand that I help people when I can because it makes me happy, almost as happy as spending time with you."

Okay, it aint gotta be exactly like that but just an idea. If you want some additional ideas, or if you want her to learn a thing or two, get this book...
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

This book opened my eyes to sooooo much I was doing wrong. Notice I said that I was doing wrong.

Don't be oposed if she suggests marriage counseling and if you pray, pray together.

I hope this works out for you, and I hope your wife comes around alot sooner than I did. After all, not every man has the paitience to deal with a wife who just trys to start arguements because of what she makes up in her head.

Oh, and also, insist she not watch any form of Lifetime TV, trust me, that's where I got alot of my crazy notions of things my husband was doing.

Answer 2

I'm sure she thinks a lot of you for helping a friend out - that's a really nice thing to do. I guess she must have been upset because you were doing that ALL evening rather than being with her.

I know you said she was watching TV, but sometimes women need men to take the initiative. She was probably just waiting for you, which would explain her frustration and anger when you just assumed she was fine.

You say you spend a lot of time together. What I want to ask is, is it quality time? Or do you just sit watching TV together? Just try and find some time where you can talk with each other or share an activity. Like the old saying goes - quality is more important than quantity.

Hope things improve for you :)

Answer 3

It sounds like her friend is stressing her out and is worried about the two of you. I have a friend that can affect me this way and everytime I come back from our visit my husband can always tell that I've been with her! I know it's hard when we feel we are being attacked but try to over look it right now and read between the lines. If normally things have been good between you it could only be that her friend is giving her a rough time and making her think to hard on things she doesn't want to think about. When she seems to be in a better mood let her talk and listen to what she has to say. Just pamper her with a lot of hugs and let her know how much you love her. Then let her know in a nice way that any past arguments need to stay there because you only want the two of you building on the best of things to come for the rest of your lives. I think she is just feeling insecure right now because of her friend having her own relationship trouble and the friend is getting to her. If she does bring up anything about her friends troubled relationship just tell her how lucky the two of you are to know that your love and commitment will keep you together till your old and gray.

Answer 4

I totally have to side with your wife on this one. I know you talked about the kid thing before marriage, but it sounds like you'll have been together a long time. People change so often. The older you get, the more you grow and change. She is ready to move to the next stage in her life and give love to a child. It sounds like she did not have the most loving life growing up. She may want someone to love her unconditionally and have someone to give her love to - to care for and raise and love. You may love her more than your own life, but that love cannot be matched to the love for and from a child. I'm sorry to be blunt, but I really do think you are being selfish on this one. This is a HUGE deal. To ask her to do w/o something she so strongly desires, is very hurtful. I mean could in the long run be a divorce hurtful. It would be for me anyway. True, it may seem wrong to ask you to change your mind, but this feeling is not something she can turn off. She may eventually tone it down verbally if you stay addimit about not having a baby, but she will die a little inside everytime she sees a baby, a pregnant woman or baby accessories in a store. And trust me- when you see your own blood line wrapping his/her hand around your finger, your heart will melt and your life will be fulfilled and changed forever. I wish you and your wife luck in your decision

Answer 5

Newlywed women tend to cling to their husband. I had been one. It is still called the honeymoon stage. You are both still adjusting to being married. You have to find an even ground.

Are you sure that you are not just feeling this because you have more freedom before you got married? Remember that you are not a bachelor anymore and have to consider your wife's feelings.

The best thing to do is let her cool off, a woman mad dont and wont hear what you have to say. When she is ready to listen, have a good talk and let her know how you feel. Schedule or make a deal to have quality time with her and let her know you need to spend time with friends too. My husband of 1 yr and 6 months make it a point that we do date and eat out or do something together just the 2 of us once a week.

Answer 6

Sounds like a big anxiety attack after being with her friend who is having relationship problems. She may be a little insecure and worried that you will end up like her friend.

She also sounds like she has found her jealousy for the first time having had it dormant up til now. Every married couple need time together to strengthen their bonds, but they also need time apart developing their own interests and hobbies so they can continue to grow as individuals.

Be patient with her, the more she sees that you love her and only her, she will relax and have faith in your love again. Until then you might still do friends a favor but mabye ask her first to see if she has other plans or better yet, ask her to help you do the favor you are doing for someone.

If that fails get her to talk together with you to a marraige counselor. Do everything and anything to save and restore your loving relationship.

Good Luck To You

Answer 7

Personally man... If I was in your possition I would give it a few more days. Then maybe if nothing has changed then maybe buy her a gift of some sort, make her dinner, go see a movie. Just show her you love her and if you were meant to be together she will realize it. It would also be a good idea to talk to her about it and tell her you do want to be with her 100% of the time but you obviously have things to do and people to help and again... hopefully she will realize where your coming from.

Well good luck man...

Answer 8

I don't think anyone can really answer what's going on with her except for herself.You need to talk to your wife and ask her what's going on in her head. I think the only reason why a woman would want 100 % of all the guy's attention is because they are feeling unsure or insecure about something. It doesn't help either when your wife is hanging around someone who's having relationship problems. Just talk to her an reassure her that your hers and that you love her.

Answer 9

You aren't giving her the attention she needs. News flash: you aren't together 100% of the time. Work separates you. If she's a stay-at-home wife, then you are the only person she sees. I think you need to give her your attention more often. I would also suggest that she finds some activities to do outside of the home (friends, gym, knitting group) so that she isn't relying on you for entertainment.

Sit down and talk with her. Maybe she's having a problem that she feels she can't discuss with you when you aren't paying attention to her.

Answer 10

Some people think being married means being joined at the hip 24/7.

That sounds nice in theory but life's not like that.

Maybe she doesn't trust you and if that's the problem you guys need to talk about what you can each do to make that right.

Your wife sounds immature to me....maybe she still has some growing up to do.