Wouldn't have gotten married otherwise, or at least not at that time. Same problems exist that nearly drove them apart before (yelling, overreacting, rudeness when they don't get their way, taking the person for granted, unappreciative).
Is this a lost cause? Is it worth holding on to?
2007-10-16 02:24:46 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Flagger-You don't know anything you're talking about. I loved him and still do, but he has an anger problem that almost broke us apart before. Then we got pregnant and decided to get married after our daughter was born. We both love eachother and I wish I could say I'm happy, but this is an everday occurrence. I'm not happy. Nothing I do seems to be good enough. He has some issues with himself, not me and I don't know if this is going to work because he doesn't see it until after he's blown up. People get numb to the hindsight apologies after awhile. I'm getting that way.
2007-10-16 03:12:13 · update #1
Forget these namby pamby sentimental fools who think counseling is the answer for everything, it's not. If you don't love him, no amount counseling can fix that.
Only you can answer that question of love:
If you're *in-love* with him, you may be able to fix the marriage. If not, the marriage is over and it will fail.
The idea that someone should settle for only a smidgen of the love they deserve, is about the most ridiculous thing I've heard.
If there is no love, divorce him and create a new life for yourself, you will fall in love with someone in time and when you do, you will be grateful for that new life.
Whatever you decide: Never settle for less than what you deserve.
2007-10-16 02:41:35 · answer #1 · answered by Chilly Willy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doomed from the start? Probably.
You made it apparent that your marriage has nothing to do with love and affection. There comes a point where every person realizes that you are reacting to the situation and not making positive steps to fix a less than ideal marriage.
How long did you expect him to go before he started treating you like you seem to view him, only there because of the child. After a while anyone would treat you with the same amount of disrespect, rudeness and lack of appreciation that you seem to exhibit.
I know full well that I would have gotten rude with you long ago if I understood that we were ONLY married for the child.
I'm thinking that you need to step back and determine if there are any feelings of love for your husband. If so get some therapy to clean up the problems. If not GET OUT. Quit using your child for being trapped in a marriage. Ultimately that may be the root cause of your problem, your acting trapped.
It is fully on you to figure out if you WANT to be there and do the work to make it happen. If you do not want to be there it is time to do the work to stop it. It seems that you are making everyone pay for what you view as being trapped in a situation. Quit being a victim. Take charge of your life.
Most importantly stop treating your husband like you are only there because you were pregnant. It is true that you reap what you sow.
2007-10-16 10:02:38 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No marriage is "doomed from the start". Any marriage can be worked out... well almost any marriage. Is is very common for a couple to take eachother for granted, overreact to something, and be kind of selfish, espeacially at the start. And in no marriage will you find that the couple always appreciate the other. Yelling is not ideal, and makes it worse when the child is near or can hear it.
There has to be some kind of love or companionship in the relationship somewhere, otherwise, they wouldn't have said "I Do". With some prayer (if they believe in God or some other religion) and possibly some marriage counseling things will work out. The main thing that it sounds like to me is their communication with each other is blocked. She hears what she thinks he means, he says something with a double meaning and vise-versa.
Alot of times couple will tend to act out with their partner what they seen their parents do. If they seen quite a bit of argueing and fighting, they will think it is normal until it does drive them apart and leave nothing but bad feelings. And the child will be the most hurt, no matter what. If all they do is fight, then it is hurting the child and if they split with bad feelings, that will hurt the child. What ever the couple decides, they need to put the best interest of the child first.
But like I said, even if they are in the first stages of their marriage, they can still benefit from some counseling. I also recommend they read the book "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". They need to read it together and while reading it, take notes of things they need to work on about themselves, as well as what they would like to see from their partner. With alot of prayer and the help of this book, my husband and I made it through a very difficult patch in our marriage and are stronger for it. If things are really bad, this book combined with marriage counseling and prayer will put things in order.
Good luck, and I hope the couple can work things out.
2007-10-16 09:43:57 · answer #3 · answered by angelwithadvice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship is doomed only if you want it to be doomed. OR You do everything in your power to try to work this out and it is still in shambles, then yes it is doomed. I would go to counseling for the childs sake. And if your husband feels that it is not necessary to try to fix the problem, I would say yes, walk away. I grew up in a household where my parents got married because of the children. and growing up in a loveless house, brought more problems for me later on in life. Trust issues, coldness, hatred. Sweetie, no one knows what you should do, it is a desision you have to make. Think of the baby, and you will get your answer from with in. Prayer may help, but god gave us free will so that we could make our own desisions, he may not always be there to give us answers. I wish you all the best.
2007-10-17 07:04:10 · answer #4 · answered by Sonia V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not necessarily. If they were engaged already, perhaps they can make it work if they just try a bit harder. I got married when I pregnant, but we were already engaged. For several years it was hard and sometimes it still is, but marriage is hard. People don't understand that and give up too easily these days. It takes time and work to make it last. We've been married for 7 years and somedays I feel like giving up, but most I'm happy I did it. I love my husband and our children and can't imagine life without him. If they don't love each other, then there's no point in suffering or making the child suffer and they should seek counseling and end it as painlessly as possible.
2007-10-16 09:29:04 · answer #5 · answered by Katie H 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A Marriage is ALWAYS worth Preserving.
As quickly as I can explain.....Love is an action, not a word. REAL LOVE is completely selfLESS!
The role of a husband in a relationship is to please the wife. To put her feelings and well being before that of his own. The role of a wife in a relationship is to please the husband. To put his feelings and well being before that of her own.
If they can understand this simple principle and put it into practice, then success is guaranteed. If they continue to remain selfish and have a non caring attitude towards the others happiness only seeking self gratification (not sexual), then yes they are doomed.
Love is patient, kind, not rude or arrogant. It's not self seeking and it KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONG (Which means it forgives and moves on). Love is NOT Jealous, It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never fails.
2007-10-16 10:04:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a terrible marriage. It is not worth holding on to. The issues existed from the start. This is a relationship where two people who do not get along well forced themselves to stay together.
It is a lost cause. This relationship is hurting the child much more than helping.
Take care,
Troy
2007-10-16 09:58:58 · answer #7 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on if both people want it to work. That is all marriages can depend on. I think if you got married and made a commitment then you should stand by your word/vow. Otherwise it means nothing to start with. Also if you got married because of child why not stay together for the child?
2007-10-16 09:38:59 · answer #8 · answered by Tiffany G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of people get maried because of a child. You cant give up just because you got in a few fights. Thats so childish. You've just listed all the characteristics of what a woman says when she realizes that she can't "change" her man into what she thought she could. Seriously, mistake #1 is thinking you can change someone. You're married learn to deal with what you have, work it out.
2007-10-16 09:32:04 · answer #9 · answered by billgoats79 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never never get married just because someone is pregnant. It never works out. I have seen this over and over and I don't know one marriage that has worked. Marry for love and love only! People can be good parents without being married!!!
2007-10-16 10:09:13 · answer #10 · answered by Meichelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋