What do I do?

Question

What happens when your husband is upset with your job and it is helping out the whole family financially? this is the situation at hand. I dated a guy for a very short time and we have remained friends because we know that things do not work between us. I have no feelings for him like that at all. We have been friends for 7 years and I got married to someone else over a year ago. My now husband hates the fact that I work with this ex and is now telling me it is my job or him. The plan was that I would work there until december when my family moved away to a different state, now my husband cannot stand me working at this place and is telling me to quit or file for divorce. I do not want to file for divorce, but I keep thinking that if I give into this demand now what else will he expect me to give up. When we got married I gave up talking to guy friends online, granted most of them wanted to have sex, but I did not. So I gave that up for my husband I also gave up seeing my parents all

the time and I also gave up all the guy friends that I had. The only people that I ever hang out with are my children, when I can my parents and my neighbor, that is female. Am I crazy to think that this is stemed from jealousy and that I should not have to give up my job? I think that a job that is helping out my family and making it easier to have money to move is no reason to have to get a divorce..what do I do?

Answer 1

I think your husband has some serious jealousy issues. He obviously doesn't trust you. There is nothing wrong with working at the same place your ex does, as long of course as there is nothing going on. There is such thing as keeping a friendship with ex's. You have given up a lot and after what you all gave up and he still doesn't trust you, then he is the one that has to give up being so ridiculously uptight. You sound lonely because of this also. He sounds controlling. I can't believe he would tell you to quit or file for a divorce, that is ridiculous. Maybe you should give him a choice, quit being so ridiculous or he can be the one to file for a divorce! Also tell him, what is the sense of you being in a marriage if he doesn't trust you, because no matter what you do, he always finds something else not to trust you about. Good luck!

Answer 2

It comes from being insecure, but on the other hand, I think the job thing has to go. What if you were in that position. What if he had dated a girl and is still working for her. I am sure you would have issues with it no matter how much he assures you that nothing is going on. Always put yourself in the next person's shoes. He though, is way out of line in not letting you see your parents? You have every right to see your parents. Regarding talking to guys on line, you should know better. That has led to many divorces. I am sure too that if your husband wasn't jealous then it will mean he doesn't care. Will you be okay with that?

Answer 3

Try and talk with your husband about what's making him so irritable about the whole "ex and you at work" ordeal. It might be because of some insecurities he's dealing with. Also, see if you can change your work schedule so you don't have to lose your job but not be at work at the same time your ex is. Perhaps that would set your husband's mind at ease some. Another thing, you should have to give up your friends (whether they be male/female) and family for your spouse. Your spouse should accept the people you love and cherish into his life as well.

Answer 4

He is being controling and is very jealous. You need to stand up to him and let him know that this happened over 7 years ago and it was over way back then and that you are keeping your job until December. If he is still acting like a baby then you tell him to file for divorce (which I doubt he will do).

Answer 5

it seems as if your husband has control issues, and wants you to do what HE wishes..... i think it's ROTTEN you had to give up your family and friends...

yes, sometimes having guy friends isn't a great idea, but girlfriends you should never have to give up. i can understand giving up talking to guys on line -- that is a bad idea...

when we are married, we can't just stop doing the things we like -- visiting family, having friends and spending time with them, and enjoying free time and hobbies, etc.

i truly can't believe you gave up seeing your parents?! maybe you could do a yahoo search on How to Deal with Control Freaks, and also Codependency. Maybe these topics would help?

You really need to live, too. Even when we are married, we should have the freedom to do what we like (as long as it doesn't hurt someone else).

You seem isolated and are living with a jealous, controlling person.

Time to consider what's best for you, or ask him to go to marriage counseling (or each go to counseling alone).

take care.

Answer 6

I suggest you talk to your husband straight and tell him how all this is bothering you and get to know the reason behind he not trusting u,no relationship can exist with out trust in it,its the basic factor for survival of any kinda relation.
If its only about ur job and that guy then i suggest u give up or else its ur call,good luck!!

Answer 7

Male friends do not belong in a marriage so I don't blame him for not wanting you to have any. I gave up all mine as well and I personally couldn't care less. I understand you not wanting to quit your job, but if your husband is that insecure and you love him you need to quit for the sake of your marriage.

Answer 8

you need to perhaps have counseling to see why he is this way, whether it is jealously or a need to control you. why are you moving to another state? If he is moving you there and you will be further away from your family, he is too controlling and the divorce would be best for you because he will get worse when he gets you away from the support of your family.

Answer 9

if he is going to be so demanding and jealous of you working then get rid of him once you give into a mans ways you never stop... Does he also work? if so then why does he have the time to complain about you?

Answer 10

Tell him you'll quit your job when he hands you over his paychecks without saying one word.