My husband is a pathalogical liar. I wouldnt believe him when he says what color the sky is. He is also addicted to porn. he denies being a liar (of course) but sometimes admits being addicted to porn but swears he has stopped but whenever i suspect porno i have found it all over the house and in his car. i am one of those women who HATE porn because yes maybe i am insecure but if it bothers me he should stop or at least be man enough to stand up to me instead of hiding it. i tell him everything and i NEVER lie to him. EVER. he can't stop lying...i try to make it safe for him but it doesnt matter. if i dont catch him red handed in a lie he will deny it until i do. i hate playing detective all the time. i have better sh*t to do with my time. what should i do?
2007-10-16 01:55:01 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
but i love him SO much...and i dont want to give up on him but everytime i give him another chance he f*cks me over... i am sick of crying and i know i cant change him...does it sound like either i give up and let him lie and look at porn constantly or give up and forget my marriage? im so confused and hurt...*SOB*
2007-10-16 02:47:59 · update #1
Listen, I'm going to be very honest with you. The lying is not going to stop..and eventually, its going to get worse. Don't listen to these people who say who cares if he looks at porn. The fact of the matter is, it makes you feel unattractive and not good enough when all he wants to do is stare at women who are a size zero with big silicone breast. I understand how that is. What you should do is give him an ultimatum and if things don't work out its time to get a divorce. There is no reason for you to be with someone when they lie to you all the time and make you feel like crap. I hope everything works out...Good Luck.
2007-10-16 03:26:46 · answer #1 · answered by -----------n 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dated a man for a year who lied about everything -- he lied about his finances, he lied about paying for his daughter's college, he lied about his past. Then he'd tell me stories over and over again, forgetting the first version, and lie ?!!
It took me about 9 months to figure out he was lying all of the time. And i confronted him and let him know that the person i met, and the person i ended up with, were two completely different individuals. He also denied all his lies.
I broke up with him. I figure some people dont' know the truth from a lie, and while they are lying all the time, they can't keep their stories straight.
I didn't lie to him about me, either. So i can relate to you.
About the porn -- men do look at porn, which doesn't bother me, but if your husband is obsessed with it, then maybe he needs help? There is actually a group called Sexaholics Anonymous (you can do a yahoo search).
I'm sorry you are having such difficulty. Perhaps since you've come to the point where you have had to ask this question, you might take the time to consider what is best for YOU. It's your life, and you are responsible for your happiness.
Do what you have to, hon. And take care.
2007-10-16 09:04:02 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know everyone is telling you to leave him but think about this. You hate porn because you insecure, have you ever watched it together? If you think about it, at least he is there with you and not with a porn star. Also, I have some problems when my husband lies but its only because I can be too possessive sometimes or get upset over stupid things. Maybe he thinks he has to hide things so that you won't be upset, and I think that lying is wrong but then again why does he feel he has to lie? That is the question you should be asking yourself. I'm not trying to put you down, but I went through the same thing with my husband and we got into a huge fight and then the truth came out. It wasn't just him, it was because of my actions, in which I had no idea. So sit back and take a closer look at the situation and don't jump to conclusions and if you have better things to do with your time then leave him.
2007-10-16 09:09:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Many people will tell you to go to counseling.But it sounds so bad to me that maybe an exorcist or a church would help out.Sorry but I have had that in my own family and have seen the pain and scars of a relationship just like yours,and it is not pretty.Pls seek more some help,not for the two of you but for yourself,he is a liar,and cheats on you mentally and yet you love him so much.You must stop to feed this braking and hurting process pronto.You need help for yourself,for being able to put up with this for so long,there are a lot of sources out there,my family went to www.meetup.com for support,you'll be able to find people in alike situation and be able to realize that you are not alone and that will be the best thing for your own well being to get way from this turbulent relationship.You must learn to love yourself first then other,and it sure sounds like you don't give yourself the value you deserve.What would you do if your daugther was in a situation like this....or anyone else you love for that matter.Good luck!
2007-10-16 11:03:12 · answer #4 · answered by brownsugarbr02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think that "addiction to porn" is becoming an overused excuse. How can you be addicted to porn? Do you have physical withdrawals from it like heroin? Frankly, its an excuse to stare at some other woman's privates. He can stop...... he CHOOSES not to....
Its possible that you've made porn into the forbidden fruit for him, which is why he is stashing it in the car. Yikes! There must be a TON of his DNA all over the steering wheel now.........
I would suggest that your husband porn habits aren't going away... because he has decided that its more important than you are. You've made your feelings clear.,... and he does it anyway.
So what are YOU going to do? Do you just give up on your beliefs for the sake of your marriage? Or do you say "That's it" and walk out?
2007-10-16 09:03:28 · answer #5 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, he can't be totally truthful with you, because he already knows how you are going to react to his porn, so he lies.
He's a man, give him a break, he likes porn so what.
Your insecurity has nothing to do with him watching porn.
Find something else to fight about, and stop making him feel ashamed and he would not have to hide it.
Woman kill me when we let our insecurities dicatate how we act and how we treat others. The lying part for things other than the porn, don't know what to tell you, but if he is pathelogical now, he most likely always was.
2007-10-16 09:07:38 · answer #6 · answered by Katura N 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Seams the lying has disrupted your lives. If it was just little stuff (my hubby lies about stupid things, ie: I didn't hear the phone when (my family) called. or I didn't see it. (stepping over something the kids left on the floor)) I would ask him to go to counseling or something. It would be a shame to end a marriage over lying. But if he has ever lied about something big, (cheating, where he was after work) Those are definite red flags. He'd either get help now, or I'd be gone. As far as the porn, a little is a normal man thing, but being addicted, there is a problem, he needs help. Good luck!
2007-10-16 09:02:32 · answer #7 · answered by Mel 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would get into some marriage counseling with him to work on the problems. If that doesn't work then you have to make a life decision here and find someone else that will respect you and honor your morals. Seriously if your husband allows this to break up your relationship over gutter garbage the stress he brings to your life is not worth it and thats the bottom line.
2007-10-16 09:13:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
to be honest it sounds like you have made your mind up already, if i were you id walk away as theres nothin left to save by the sound of it, i wunt like my bf to be addicted to porn or to lie to me all the time as i wunt trust him, you cant have a relationship without trust without that theres nothing and you cant have conversations with some one whos a liar really as you dont know what to believe. Im not goint to tell you what you should or shouldnt do but if i were in your shoes i think i would leave him as theres no marriage left anymore
2007-10-16 09:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by lilhails 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think he needs help. some people think this stuff is fine. but i think if it is inferring with you relationship and life there is a problem. you have asked him to stop. he lies and says he has so he is hiding it. so its like an addiction. did he do this when you met? well anyway i would tell him he needs to limit his use of this stuff and take care of your needs. And maybe you need to leave him. there are alot of guys out there that want a real woman in the flesh and would be grateful to have one. it sounds like you are being replaced anyway by these fake make believe fantasies.
2007-10-16 09:10:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋