he wanna a baby, isn't it so early?? need a serious answer please?

Question

my fiance & I love each other, but he keep talking about having a child more instead of talking about our wedding,honey moon our home,etc. it seems that haing a baby is more important than anything els, is it good or bad?? i need aswer from exprienced and adults please

oh, we'll definatly get married in two months or so, but he wanna baby in the first year of our marrage. isnt it so early?

i'm 23 ! !

Answer 1

i would definately wait till after you get married but if you get pregnant right away then thats what's supposed to happen, jjust try to discuss it with him a bit more, i had my first child within the 1st year of marriage (well got prego after married 6months) but that was probably the best thing that could ever happen to me. but the situation is different for everyone, and where couples are in there lives at the particular time, just talk to him and tell him you are not ready, but im one of those who believe everything happens for a reason and happens when its supposed to happen, but anyway good luck with your marriage hun. Congratulations!!

Answer 2

I would definitely wait until after the wedding before I even think about having a baby. If you think it's too soon, then it's too soon. You sound young. If you are, then enjoy your youth. Enjoy being married for a year, then think about having kids. My husband and I had kids the first year we were married. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but I wish I had waited a year or two, just to get settled first. It's all worked out, but if I could do it over again. I would have waited to have my kids.
Honestly, everyone is different. They way I would do this for you is by going by what you want. If you think it's too soon, then it is. Once kids are here, they are here forever, so if you aren't ready, you find yourself struggling emotionally and physically. Kids are a big responsibility. Your whole life changes. I mean everything. Even going shopping becomes an adventure, and if you aren't ready, you can get resentful of that. Wait until you are ready to have them.


edited:
23 is young. I was 24 when I had my first one and 26 when I had my second. I was in a rush to have them for whatever reason. Now that I have them I'm glad, but I also realize there was no rush. It's not a competition. Take your time and do it when it feels right. Not because you feel like you should, but because you want to.

Answer 3

I have two children, neither exactly planned, but before i got married, having children was a topic for discussion.....

I think that, if you are not prepared for a child right now, then NO is the answer. If you want one sometime in the future, that's quite alright.

Babies take up quite a lot of time, and expense. I think it's best to plan for one, not have one "just because".... babies don't make life better. They take a lot of work and devotion. And another thing is, when a woman has a baby, most of her time is expended on the child, and sometimes the husband is "left out" for a while.

Discussing our lives BEFORE marriage is a good idea -- talk about things like finances, saving money, goals, life plans and each of your ambitions for the future, how you want to live, etc. Going into a marriage blindly, and not knowing what the other person wants from life is a set up for disaster.

So, talk, plan and have a good life. I'm sure you and your boyfriend can come up with some kind of compromise.

take care.

Answer 4

Ask yourself what is more important for the both of you. It sounds like you both need to sit down and brainstorm your priorities. Make sure this man is the right one. Loving eachother is only 10% of the battle. Having a child makes you guys glued. From a man's standpoint.. wanting a baby so quickly could be for all the wrong reasons, or he wants to be a father that quickly. I've always firmly believed in waiting until you are emotionally, and **financially** ready. If you care that much about your future baby.. you'll both plan out everything so your baby will have the best.

Answer 5

You definately have to get married first. But after that, remember pregnancy takes 9 months. You will have that time to be married to him, there will be no baby in the first week or so. lol. I am a mother of 2, i waited for 2 years to get pregnant after marriage. If you really love him, and you TRUST him to be there for you and your child, then i say go ahead, you never know what might happen to u or ur fiance. The fact that he wants kids is a GOOOOOOD sign, not bad. He wants a family with you, not alot of men r like that these days. Him having kids with you means he will always be tied to you, even if you guys will not be married in the future, god forbid...that means he doesn't mind this bond with you. for some reason, i don't think ur young, well not a teenager, but maybe in your mid or late twenties.
being a mother is great, you know what pamela anderson said before? she said that once you have kids, you will NEVER be lonely again...

Answer 6

It's not bad, he's just excited to start a family, but it sounds like your not ready. When your planning a wedding and getting your first home ready together, usually starting a family for the woman is far from her mind. If your young, you have lots of time. I always felt that it's good to have at least 2 years alone together at first in the marriage, then think about starting a family. Talk to him about it, tell him that you will start a family together, but right now you just want to concentrate on the wedding and after being married for a while, then you will talk about starting.

Answer 7

What is the hurry? Are you almost 40 and worried that you have waited too long?

If you are under 30 get married and enjoy the wedding honeymoon and get a house in place. The first year of marriage is the toughest SO, I suggest you be married two years then start trying for a baby.

Just my opinion!

Answer 8

You sound quite young. You know for yourself, it truly is best to marry first, have children next. What if this guy convinces you to get pregnant, you ahve the child, then a few months later, he realizes he can't handle the responsibility of being a father? He bolts, and leaves you holding the baby, with no help from him. If you don't think you could provide for a child yourself--financially and emotionally--please don't let him talk you into this.

I am 38, and was raised by a single mom. Her life was soooo hard, and she never had anything for herself. That's not a life.

Answer 9

He has what I call "baby syndrome". He really loves you and wants to share the most beautiful thing of making a baby with you. It just shows how much he loves you. My hubby did this and there are times still that he wants to have another baby with me (we just had one 6 months ago).
Sit him down and talk to him. But let me tell you from experince, you need to put a time when you are willing to start trying to have a baby or he will hound you about it all the time. I have told my hubby not for another 4 years and I gave him reasons why.

To him having a baby is more improtant than any piece of paper. It will help to talk and to set down a time frame.

Answer 10

You defiantly need to be married first. That's nice that he wants a child, and seems enthusiastic about starting a family with you, but you have to be ready too, and a solid commitment is the place to start. I'd be happy that he wants a baby, but be ready for it financially and mentally as well, since you will probably be doing most of the baby related work.