Wife of 12 years (3kids) said she still has Strong feelings for old boyfriend after HS reunion?

Question

She spent alot of the day taking with him. We have 3 kids under 5 and I spent most of the day walking them around so she could catch up with old fiends. ( it was a bring you kids with you 15yr HS reunion) Anyway we are vey open and honest with each other. Afterwards I was talking to her about him and asking her how it was to see him. She said that she had chosen me and was happen and would not change that but she did still have stong feelings for him. Even still loved him in some ways. ( Being a guy I could completly understand her having sexual feeling for him but she was talking more about those "emotinal" feelings that I and most guys do not understand so well) She said just give me a day to get my feelings in check and put some perspective on them and then we can talk all you want. Is this normal. He just went through a divorce and I do not know if him bing free added to the exitment of an old boy friend or not.

This was 3 days ago. We have talked and she told me they are just feelings and she does not like to think of them becouse they make her feel bad. Strangly this has put a spark back in a 12 year marriage. We had both been taking each other for granted. We have kissed and talked more over the past 2 days than in the passed 6 months. We even put the kids to bed early and had sex 3 times in one night. 3 times. Be a while since that has happend. I hope it all works out.

Answer 1

3 times, dog?? Man, ok, I`m over the jealousy part, now to your answer:

She is turned on by the thought of having sex with him and guess what , you became him for a short time.
On the flip side, haven`t you ever thought of someone else while doing it?

You`re asking if there is any danger of your spouse gravitating towards him at this point? Well , that depends on how much you trust her , and If she chooses to keep the lines of communication open with him, like e-mails, IM, phone , text, you get the idea. If this starts to happen, trouble may be on the horizon.

Think back to your high school days. Think of that one girl you had a crush on but never pursued it , or maybe you dated her a few times. You still think about her once in a while even now, right? If you were to see her now, if she was married with kids, wouldn`t you at least want to say hello? Right at that moment, if you were looking at them you would have seen sparks fly, if not only for a moment.Spouse or not, you both revert back to the carefree days , no kids, no bills, no mortgage, no deadlines, no responsibility. A fresh breath of air. I wouldn`t worry too much, this is infatuation and your wife knows she is with you and has said so. It`s ok to have these feelings , it`s whether or not they are acted upon.
Good luck to you ma man, and have fun, be careful or baby number 4 is right around the corner!!
Take care

Answer 2

I don't think it's abnormal to have feelings for an old boyfriend or girlfriend; however, acting on those feelings is another thing all together.

When we break up with someone, or have had a relationship with them and become close, we don't just toss our feelings into the trash. Many times, people stay in our hearts forever, and it's normal if you ask me.

This guy your wife dated 15 years ago is not the same person as he was in high school, either. People change, so the guy she talked with at the reunion, isn't the same guy she dated.

Just my two cents.. i hope things go well for you and in your marriage. take care.

Answer 3

Your wife is acting like a selfish teenager. She's taking no consideration for your feelings, after 12 years of an obviously successful marriage. How dare she disrespect you in this manner. You also bare some responsibility, because you shouldn't buy into her temporary insanity. She is a married woman with 3 children. Her allegiance therefore lies with you, regardless of how she once felt about this guy, or his current marital status.

If she continues with this conversation, let her do so alone. It's one thing to see old friends and reminisce; but quite another to disrespect your marriage partner. Your wife's emotional feelings for this guy are immature--reminiscent of a high school romance that in no way equals her marriage to you. Neither should you allow her to compare the two. It was a high school reunion, nothing more. Treat it as such, by letting her know that you don't intend to compete with the memory of a teenaged romance. Say it in the nicest way possible; but let her know this, if she hasn't snapped out of it within the next couple of days.

Answer 4

Bravo! You and your wife have a very open, honest and healthy relationship. The fact she answered you honestly and truthfully about this HS boyfriend shows she feels safe about telling you her real feelings. If more people would do this, before they act on that 'old attraction', there would be less infidelity. You and she did the right thing in talking about it.

Believe she had her day to think about it all and she is showing you, via the bedroom, just how much she values you, adores and cherishes you and your marriage. If he got a divorce, am wondering why? Think she chose the right guy when she married you and she knows it. Hey, I had an old friend confess to me, recently, that he was broken hearted when I got married; it made my ego feel better and I discussed my feelings about it all with my husband also. Just made us hold each other closer and appreciate each more, also.

Answer 5

wife 12 years 3kids strong feelings boyfriend hs reunion

Answer 6

My guess is it was her first love?

I fell head over heals with my high school sweetheart and I have NEVER had such strong feelings again! But I went 8 hours away to college and her heart went to another.

Fast forward 17 years and through an alumni website she e-mailed me! My heart skipped a beat and feelings rushed back and I was excited and anticipating e-mails from her. EVEN THOUGH I had been happily married for 11 years and have NO thoughts of acting or doing anything to change that.

SO, what I am saying is the feelings are very normal. I would be concerned if she had NO feelings!

Answer 7

It is really good that you and your wife have an open relationship. I agree with most (not all) of the answers posted. Nostalgia is a very real emotion and everyone is affected by it at one time or another. When we remember the old days with rose coloured glasses on and we somehow we forget the bad stuff or just don't remember the whole picture. She just got caught up in those feelings a bit and I suspect it will subside soon. Take her out, don't encourage her talking to him because nostalgia interferes with reality and rational thinking. Let her put her thoughts in check. She is still your wife and from what you said she is aware of her priority to you. Peace

Answer 8

So what is your question?

And you are talking like the stereotype of a guy "emotional feelings that I and most guys do not understand". This is not the stone age many guys understand emotions! Maybe that is why she is looking because you don't "understand emotions".

And by the way it is normal for PEOPLE to feel a little heart flip when seeing an ex. It doesn't mean they have feelings still it just is the memory of what use to be.

Answer 9

I think it says something positive about your marriage for her to share how she's feeling....but I would suggest it's time to put those feelings away because she have a family that she loves.

If after a month or two if she's still having those feelings you guys should see a marriage counselor to help put things back into perspective.

Answer 10

You already know the answer. Everything is fine. Like the others have said, they are just feeling and remembering a time when life was carefree. She is obviously in love with you and I think with the spark that was put back into your marriage, this was a meant to be scenario. To help the two of you remember how much you love each other.