He is stable, faithful, and I know he would never leave me. He does not yell or hit me, and he makes a decent wage. I like many other things as well. However, he almost never touches me, holds my hand, or says he loves me. The only times he wants to touch me is for sex.
Also, I have almost never turned him down for sex but I have given up initiating with him because he turns me down flat 90% of the time I have asked "He says he is tired and just fills like relaxing". When I tell him I crave more affection he says that is "just the way he is and that he cannot change" . He was just raised that way. I am so unhappy right now. Should I leave him?
2007-10-15 21:03:15 · 33 answers · asked by gogogirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was very affectionate when we were dating. Also, I am attractive and work hard to stay in shape but still he turns me down.
2007-10-15 21:05:00 · update #1
He turns you down?? Is he cheating? What man turns down a smokin hot wife for sex. I think you have to ask that question!! Talking to someone only works if both of you want to open up! Communication is the key. Tell him your not happy and things need to change or your gonna leave. Tell him what you need to be happy, it doesn't sound like your asking a lot, so just ask for what you need! If he truly loves you he'll try and change! Keep your head up their is a lot of guys out there who would love a woman who keeps herself in shape and loves sex! Asking for some affection is not asking too much!!
2007-10-15 22:01:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously this is an important issue for him. If he was affectionate in the begining he is still capable of doing so now. When you tell him that its something you want and he responds with "i cant change" is kind of bad. The fact that he makes no effort to make this work. I think sometimes people dont realize how important sexuality (and affection) is. If he cant get on the same page eventually this will ruin your relationship. Plenty of guys out there are affectionate. Often times you will find that plenty of guys cant get any affection from their girlfriend. All hope is not lost. Tell him that he is capable of giving you affection, secondly tell him that it hurts you he doesn't make an effort. IF THIS is something REALLY IMPORTANT to you, then HE NEEDS to make an effort. Once you have said all this, and no change is made, maybe think about moving on.! hope this helps
2007-10-15 21:10:16 · answer #2 · answered by xderekjeromex 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
For some reason, a woman attempting to initiate sex is a turn off for a man. Men won't admit it in general. I didn't believe it myself. Psychologically however, studies have concluded that a woman initiating sex can be subliminally conceived by the man as a woman asserting control. Men are very control oriented and do not like having control taken away from them. A man wants to feel that he has the power in every aspect of a relationship.
His lack of affection may quite honestly be because he needs space from you. I remember I would hardly touch my girlfriend when she was seeing me all day, every day or if she was calling me every 12 minutes. Every time I went on a vacation or something and would come back, I was holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her, and caressing her every chance I could get.
Sometimes it takes a temporary separation to respark the passion.
Confronting him about it will only make things worse as it will cause him stress (if he loves and cares for you, which I assume he does) A stressed out person is not going to be very affectionate.
Sometimes men DO get tired as well, so I can believe that. We're not 24 hour sex machines (as much as I would personally like to believe I am)
He could be cheating on you or gay as others have suggested but I highly doubt it.
2007-10-15 21:12:52 · answer #3 · answered by Laibach 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
i disagree on the point that he's controlling and selfish. sometimes the guy gets so busy in making a fortune for the family that he forgets general things and sometimes even forgets the ro,antic par. he's gotta be reminded of it. dont trust the people who say "chuck him", change him or maybe "do something". all you hav to do is change him without lettimg him know.
my father lost his father at a very early age and he being the eldest brother fed the whole family after him and settled each one of his brothers and sisters. he worked hard and only concentrated on work. his whole life has been more work and less play. but my mom gradually has changed him. what we saw him when we were kids n what we see him as now are totally 2 different sides of him. so there's always a way. all u gotta do is make constant effort. it will not take much time but it will take much patience. n u'll see. u'll be happier.
2007-10-15 22:10:34 · answer #4 · answered by AACHU 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
don't leave.I went thrugh the same thing for a while.don't give up with initiating.you have to find out what he like and what turns him on.men get a little lazy once there married or been in a long term relationship.set the mood if he don't want to be freaky then you have to be .I know sometimes it hurts it don't feel good being shot down .evetually he'll get it. have some candles lit .run his bath water after work,old school stuff set the mood.maybe have a theme. parisian girl.tarzan type stuff.don't ask most likely he's going to say no but just do it.don't give him a chance .don't ask just handle your buisness.sometimes they forget ,remind him of how it used to be since you said he was once affectionate.
2007-10-15 21:30:19 · answer #5 · answered by keke T 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i love how women put image into everything we do involving men. but back to the question, something is up with him you can't go from being very affectionate to nothing after you get married either he's cheating which i hope he isn't. or you need to sit him down and stress the fact he's not giving you what you want. that's how people start to stray from their partners is because they don't get the attention they need at home so they being to look somewhere else. leaving him is a bit extreme i think this is something you can work out and discuss or get counseling.
2007-10-15 21:12:33 · answer #6 · answered by cutie 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wish I had the magic answer
its probably true you have to learn how to love and maybe he was raised like this many people are.
He probably loves you very much and that is why he treats you well.
I think maybe a marriage counselor can help you maybe they can reteach him to be more affectionate.
Also I would stop initiating sex with him.
Let him look for you. A lot of men feel like the should start it.
I wish I could be of more help
2007-10-15 21:14:15 · answer #7 · answered by evelyn 10024 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He is emotionally detached from your marriage and unfortunately things will not change and this he has already stipulated.
I would turn him down flat as far as the sex goes and then invest in toys for a little playtime by myself.
If he gets his nose out of joint then tell him to give you what you want or you'll leave.
2007-10-15 21:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are NOT the problem. He is the problem. He is never going to change. Do not give up on your chance in happiness as a woman, but you have to understand that he is not able to give you that happiness.
What he is doing to you is called neglect. He is emotionally neglectful husband. He is not hitting you or yelling at you, but emotional abuse is far worse than that.
You have to do your best to become financially independent from him so you can move on with your life.
2007-10-15 22:02:53 · answer #9 · answered by OC 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this means that his is bored with the relationship
try to make it interesting organize trip..
get sexual ideas on bed and try to seduce him in which ever way you can..if you are married try to make the rship work because u both have said the 'i do' not 'i dont know' now...
speak to him when he is in his best of moods...then tell him what u feel and what u crave for,,and ask him is it wrong for a wife to ask her hubby...tell him how dull ur rship is now..and how you wish you can make it better and maybe give some hints to him on how ur gf at work / or his best fren treats his gf etc....maybe might help...it might trigger him abit but migt make some sense to him...
and btw..wat ever it takes for a man being faithful 2u...you can never trust because i have experience the unexpected too....
but im glad he changed 100% yet you might never know..
all the best to both of u...
2007-10-15 21:13:18 · answer #10 · answered by glamorous 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋