I've always liked boys and girls (even when I was little), so it's no surprise to myself that I've began to think I'm bi. My friends and I have joked about being gay or lesbians and how we'd all be fine with it if the other one was. Well, I want to tell them but I'm not sure how. I'm not scared that they'll think different of me but, I'm just nervous about how to say it. Any suggestions?
2007-10-15 19:00:55 · 15 answers · asked by Cheyenne 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm straight, so I can't say I'm fully qualified to answer your question, but I've had a number of close associations with the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bi, trans) community, so I may be able to give you some insight.
As a teen, one of my best friends was outed after trying to make a move on a close friend who was straight. I felt betrayed that he could not trust me with his secret. He had a very rough transition as a result of the way he was outed.
Even though you have joked with your friends about being gay or lesbian, they may need an adjustment stage to get used to the idea of you being bisexual. If they are true friends, they'll come around.
As you are not sure yourself, I'm not sure you should go out of your way to tell your friends you're bisexual. You don't want to be labled with something that may not apply to you after all.
I'm not sure how old you are, but it is very common to have a level of experimentation when it comes to sexuality for teens and into the twenties. It can be a very difficult thing to really figure out your sexuality.
With all of that said, my reccommendation is that you not say anything unless the topic comes up in conversation, but if it does, be honest that you think you may be bisexual, but are not sure. This will help your friends to understand you haven't been keeping some BIG secret from them and that you are trying to reach a level of understanding yourself.
A couple of things to remember:
1. You are the same person they became friends with.
2. Respect any sexual boundaries your friends establish. (Meaning NEVER try to "convert" anyone or perform any sexual act with a non-willing participant. This applies to anyone regardless of sexuality.)
3. Whatever happens or doesn't happen in the bedroom does not define you as a person.
4. True friendship can survive differences in sexual orientation. (I'm still friends with my friend I mentioned earlier)
I think the most important thing regardless of what you discover about yourself is to be true to yourself. Be yourself.
Good luck, I hope it all works out well for you.
2007-10-15 19:42:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel it is appropriate to tell them then you might want to confide in your closest friend first and see what happens. If you gain their support, then you'll feel easier about telling the others.
There is a slight possibility that they could turn against you. If they do this, then they were not your friends to begin with.
Assuming they're supportive, you may find they completely misunderstand bisexuality and come up with statements along the lines of "you just haven't met the right guy yet" or "I know a lesbian who was once bisexual". You may also be told that you've got to "make your mind up and stick with your choice of gender". These three comments are based upon a lack of understanding of what it is to be bisexual. You cannot choose a gender since you like them both, nor does bisexual tendencies mean a one way trip to lesbianism.
If you were lesbian, you'd merely be worried about whether your friends were homophobic. Being bisexual means you have to worry about homophobia AND the possibility of biphobia.
Some lesbians don't like bisexuals - accusing them of "sleeping with the enemy". This is something to watch out for if telling a lesbian friend.
Your parents, if you told them, may also come up with something along the lines of "if you fancy guys then why would you want to sleep with another girl?".
2007-10-16 03:36:02 · answer #2 · answered by nemesis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it really any of their business?
You're bisexual, and I applaud you for being comfortable with that, but unless you want to have sex with one of your Friends, they don't need to know. If it comes up for some reason (like you run into the girl you spent the night with a few days later at the mall), then that's the time to say, "oh yeah, did I mention I was bi?"
Oh, don't have sex with any of your best friends, it'll change your relationship on so many levels and you'll never get the kind of friendship you have now back. Find new friends to play with naked. :-)
2007-10-16 03:49:26 · answer #3 · answered by Greenman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most girls are curious about other women's bodies.
You don't really need to label yourself so quickly or declare yourself gay, straight or bi.
I find such labels silly, it is perhaps better to think about who you would like to have sex with, and in the longer term, who you would want to have a relationship with.
Many girls explore relationships with girls, but as they get older form long-term relationships with men.
How to talk about it depends on your friends. The real problem is making it a discussion versus a sexual advance (Eg, "I think I am bi, come up to my room", as opposed to, "I am curious about what it would be like to have sex with a girl").
Relax, being bi means the world is open to you. If you meet a boy you like you can explore than relationship, and if you meet a girl you can also do that.
2007-10-16 02:19:44 · answer #4 · answered by flingebunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't bring it up if it's not already a discussion. I mean, there's really no need to tell them unless it actually comes up.
But, if it does, then I'd just casually throw in a "hey, i'm bi, by the way" and see how that fairs.
It sounds as if you have a fairly decent group of friends who wouldn't be freaked out at all and who would still accept you. So, count yourself as lucky!
2007-10-16 02:08:05 · answer #5 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be you. Tell your friend you understand how a guy would want to touch a girl, after all girls are softer, smoother, and have curvy places. Then reach out and touch her shoulder. I saw this happen in real life and it led to a long lasting lustfull relationship. Curiosity was satisfied and none were hurt.
2007-10-16 05:38:46 · answer #6 · answered by B G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes go with your first answer. If you feel you have to get it off your chest then go to them and be like hey I really am bi. And then you'll feel a lot better about it. At least I did once one person knew and now I feel like calling everyone and letting them know. It's a good feeling once you let it out : )
2007-10-16 02:09:34 · answer #7 · answered by Axle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well luckily you are a girl, so you don't have to deal with as much crap from society about it as a boy would. I think it's awesome that so many women can have a blase attitude about being bisexual nowadays.
I have no idea what to say, check out the links on this page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Coming_Out_Day
2007-10-16 02:09:29 · answer #8 · answered by Sophie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r not a bi but, you think u r. whatever kiss a lady by loveing way then they will ask u. are u lesbian? answer them no. then kiss a boy they will ask u are u a stright? answer him no. then they will discover u r a bi . good luck
2007-10-16 02:24:40 · answer #9 · answered by Waleed 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don worry, just be who you are. the most difficult thing is not how is your friend's reaction, it is how you see your self. if you feel comfortable of who you are, they will too. i told my friends that i am bi, and they seem to be okay with it. Friends only want u to be happy and be real. they would not be your friends if they cant accept who you are, right? good luck, wish the best of you
2007-10-16 02:34:07 · answer #10 · answered by rainingurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋