I met someone who worked at the same company as me, but at a different location. A few months later, we started seeing each other even though he is married. I knew it was wrong, but at the time, I didn't care. (just being honest) At this point, I have moved away, but I am in love with him. We still talk and we still want to be with each other. He says that he plans to divorce her, but I don't know if he is just using me or not. What should I do?
2007-10-15 17:51:08 · 17 answers · asked by S.A.B. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please try to end this now... I was the other woman for 5 yrs. - just ended it 3 mo. ago (only because someone wrote her a letter) and it is pure hell. I never asked him to leave, the last year he is the one who said he wanted to leave and be with me.. but when the cat was let out of the bag and he could of easily made his move, he chose not to. I know how hard it is because to be honest, I am still fighting with myself, and it doesn't help that he calls every now and then and says he still misses me.. but when it comes down to it he probably won't leave.. I can't help but hope, but I am also full of anger when I think of 5 yrs of my life gone.. (I'm 35). Remember this, actions speak louder than words. They can promise you the world but until they make a move, don't rely on their word. I know how wrong it was and knew when I was doing it how wrong, but as outrageous as this may sound - it felt so right and I admit I still pray that he will come back, in the meantime I just try to take one day at a time and hope the pain will go away.. So do you think you would ever want to feel this way??
2007-10-16 08:03:43 · answer #1 · answered by italy9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with him being married is there's no assurances for you. Even if he says he plans to divorce, you could be waiting for forever. Which means it might could never happen. It's quite rare that anyone who is married would ever divorce for another. The best thing is to not go too far til he shows you papers that proves the divorce proceedings is gonna happen for sure. Better to be safe than sorry. Some married guys just get a thrill cheating on their spouses, so watch it. If you're not sure about anything, do nothing til you do know something.
2007-10-16 04:13:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start to see other people until he gets the final divorce but remember that if he was seeing you while he was married he probably will see others if you and he were to get married.
There may be some things about him that he never showed you in order to date you - perhaps he is a spousal abuser, for example - so although you feel love for him, you will feel more love when you find the right person who is not married so doesn't cheat on his wife
2007-10-16 01:04:51 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should listen to whichever one tells you to GET AWAY FROM THE MARRIED MAN! Stop talking to him. Don't be a part of ruining a household. Just because you "love" him doesn't make it right. Move on and find someone who is single and won't have to destroy their home to be with you. Put yourself in her shoes. Really think about it...what would it be like to be her. I was her and it is no fun. You may have heard all kinds of stories about what a pathetic wife she is or all kinds of things...they are likely not true or he wouldn't still be married to her. He would have divorced before he even met you. Don't be part of this.
2007-10-16 03:35:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why at this point does it matter whether he is using you or not. you knew from the beginning the situation and you said that you didnt care and you proceeded knowing that he was married. he is using you and will continue too as long as you allow it but thats right you dont care. it doesnt matter to you that he has a WIFE. you just want what you want. know that you are not the first piece on the side and am sure you wont be the last. and know that he is not going to leave his wife for you. you need to grow up and get you own single man. know that what goes around comes around and you to will be married one day HOPEFULLY. GodBless
2007-10-16 01:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may love you also...I dont know the situation however why hasnt he left yet?From experience once you cheat the experience and the person just gets easier each and every time...each lie requires a piece taken from your heart and over time you lose your conscience completely...believe me every time after the first lie is easier which most likely means the same will happen to you when you fade from his heart.Put yourself in his wifes shoes because down the road you will fill them...
2007-10-16 01:20:01 · answer #6 · answered by meli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe I watch too much TV, but...how cliche. I know that you are in love, and so is he. However, he is in love with how clever and lucky that he is to have a wife (who is probably oblivious to your existence, much less the fact that you are sleeping with her husband) and he has you who is there whenever he has a free moment for a booty call.
The best thing for you to do is to recognize that the chances are pretty good that you are going to get hurt. Worse, things could get bad for you at work if something goes down.
We all want to believe that fairy tales do come true...
Please, save yourself some severe heartache and do what you know is right.
2007-10-16 00:58:00 · answer #7 · answered by C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your head. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I think you should cut him off until he is actually divorced or at least legally separated. Then, you'll know he means business. And, he should not leave her just for another woman. He should leave her for other reasons, because if you weren't in the picture, would his marriage be ok? If he's leaving her just for you and no other reason, you might end up exactly where his current wife is.
2007-10-16 00:59:32 · answer #8 · answered by LIl One 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him you will talk to him when they file for divorce. Stop contact with him altogether. Listen to your head. Save your self-respect and find out where you really stand. If he was leaving his wife, he would've left her. How long were you planning to get strung along?
What makes you think that if he DID leave his wife and come to you, that when things got tough between you two, he wouldn't do the same? He has no problem-solving skills and is selfish. Skip this and save yourself the heartache that is surely yours.
2007-10-16 00:57:50 · answer #9 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its lust, don't be foolish, listen to your heart but be smart about it, don't break up a marriage, its selfish, would you want someone to do that if you were married? If they are getting a divorce (and your not the reason) then wait until it is over and then make your move, and make sure he knows that, otherwise that fish is taken hun.
2007-10-16 00:59:44 · answer #10 · answered by Neekoleye 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋