Husband ignores me I feel no love!?

Question

Iam feeling so sad and writing to you for some input on my problems…We are married for 7 years…My Husband my nature is serious and talks less(Really nice person, very brainy and stable in his job)Never hurts me in any way intentionally, but here are couple of things that hurts me:

1.I believe him and give him all the money I earn, but he never tells me where he is investing (If I ask he will tell me briefly) 2.Never surprises me with any gifts, even for first b’day and marriage day (If i ask or cry he will buy what ever I want) 3.He talks very less like his father and will only talk to answer my questions. 4.When we go to my in-laws home, he keeps talking will his parents and I feel like he is ignoring me. 5.Never touches me at home or talks romantic. 6.He likes to talk always abt some news or earth or universe, even for our first night( When I complain he talks romantic for some time) 7.He never displays his affection in public. 8.He never explains his parents, how hard we both have to work and take care of baby to earn in US. 9.How should a guy balance b/n wife and parents, so that all are happy?? 10.He rarely laughed and smiled during or after marriage…Until I cried after 10 days. 11.When I tell all these to my parents they say I should be happy that he is not drinking or cheating(should I be satisfied with just these?? In this generation??)

1.Iam sick and tired of constantly asking and asking again and again. 2.I feel like I should have married some one who is more mature for his age… 3.I feel like I deserve more. 4.He did change a lot in 7 years. But iam tired of shouting and pestering him to smile, talk, sit properly ect ect

I look beautiful, work and try to keep my home neat .. Please advise him or me on how to improve and be happy..I would like to show your responses to him and make him understand. Thanks in advance.

PS: This is arrranged marraig so we didn't knowed each others before the marriage.

Answer 1

If im not wrong which i think im not your Indian well Indian men unlike Western men are conditioned not to show feel emotions cry express(if you think im joking try checking this out regarding ur brother or cousin they like ur husband will be same ask their wives)
So while growing up what happens is the guys father doesnt love communicate express emotions feelings showing a man doesnt do these things which translates into son growing up this way without communicating expressing feelings emotions
After growing up when the son gets married his wife wants to communicate express feelings emotions as husband and wife while the guy is unable to do so why because from birth till marriage hes been that way his father has been that way and probably his grandfather is the same way.
So dont worry get some counselling or tell him clearly in clear words either in letter or when u talk whats missing in ur marriage.

Answer 2

I have been married for 2 yrs. I can so relate to alot of what you are saying. My husband didn't smile or was happy at our wedding or after. He never buys me anything. He has all the money I don't work. He never does anything romantic or says anything romantic. He hardly has anything to talk about with me. I would just try to talk it over and tell him your are not getting what you need out of the marriage. He needs to understand that a woman needs love, affection, to be romanced. You are his wife and are also supposed to be his best friend. He should talk to you about everything. Also if you don't talk to your spouse and love them, someone else will. I'm sorry you've have been so deeply hurt. If probably will not change. You only have this one life. There is no reason why you should not be happy in it. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well a long time ago you must have had some kind of relationship that was warm and rewarding--you married the guy so you at least had some idea of what he was like. This whole thing did not just go cold overnight--it must have started at sometime and you failed to properly communicate about it. Now it is where it is and you need to make a decision about communicating again properly and resolving this or getting out and starting over with a man who won't be like this. I don't think he will change over night--he will probably not even answer you and any attempt to warm up will be an act that lacks true quality---I mean it will drive the wedge in even deeper. Sounds like you two are a mis-match---sorry but it does happen and millions of mis-matched people go their separate ways due to lack of emotional caring. Worry about yourself and your own happinesss--if you have to go--then get going !! You told all of us your issues--but you should have told HIM a long time ago. Well, relax and smile and do what you have to do.

Answer 4

You need to explore these issues with him, perhaps with the help of a counselor if it's too difficult. Sometimes people falls in the habit of being used to that person in their lives. I'd tell him exactly what you've just typed here and see what he says. Perhaps the pressure of his job is keeping him from acting sympathetic. An hour away is pretty far and there's nothing he could have done. You are feeling an empty void and needs him emotionally. Perhaps you can find something to fill your time, volunteering is the best way. Good luck, hun!

Answer 5

You just gave 15 reasons for your unhappiness. Name 1 that will make you happy. That is your answer , the first thing that pops in your head.
Your husband is a boring guy. He was like that before you married him, he is like that now. At least he gives in when you cry, he has some compassion, but doesn`t sound like he is emotionally connected, or in tune with you at all.
You have to decide if you want to continue this type of relationship. Your second #3 is on the mark.
Good luck dear..

Answer 6

Your parents say to be happy that he is not cheating? That is not good advice. They are telling you to settle. Do not settle for any less than you deserve. You deserve to be happy and to be treated like you exist. I would stop handing over all of your money to him. You need to know where it is going. You need to be secure and not having any access to money is not secure. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. If nothing changes you need to decide if you can spend the rest of your life like this. I think that you already know the answer. Do not let your parents bully you into staying with him if you decide against it. They don't have to live your life you do. Do what is best for you and your happiness and don't worry about anyone else's opinion. I hope that you find happiness, we all deserve some.

Answer 7

I read what you just wrote look at no. 3. u do deserve more! Maybe u guys are going through the 7 yr itch and u shouldnt be suffering. When it comes to ur money or yalls it is your business. U should know where the money is going. Maybe u guys need to go on a couples retreat and try to rekindle the old flames. or maybe a real heart to heart convo. good luck

Answer 8

wow, that feels really bad.
hey talk to him , honestly arrange for a good nice dinner and have a whole day all alone ok??
ask him to read what u wrote here , ok
dont talk just let him read and understand how u feel.
show him ur love, show him that u want him all the time in bed , any where, tell him that u would give up ur life to make him happy.
tell him that u need him to do all with u , trust u , make u happy ,be romantic, do things without u asking them, tell hi mu will be patient , but u r his wife FOR GOD SAKE , tell him never be ashamed of any, tell him to talk to u , laugh wit u , go out hold ur hands, love u , show it infront of all people , and u will help him , u will grab his hand in public
u will kiss him from now and then in his parents house
MOVE HIS EMOTIONS , tell him to be romantic
talk talk talk talk FORCE HIM TO TALK AND heat his feelings

Answer 9

you know..based on what I have read, it seems to me that your husband might be slightly autistic- like maybe asperger's syndrome or something. that could be the reason why he lacks the spontaneity, you said yourself that if you tell him about your feelings then he does try so it doesn't seem like he is doing it maliciously. It could of course just be cultural differences or the way that he was brought up. Please seek some good counseling so that you might at least find out if it is something like asperger's or if it is just the way he views things, then you can be better informed so that you can decide what you want to do then. I am sorry. I hope that things work out for you.

Answer 10

guys tend to forget that us women need to be shown now and then how they feel about us. and yes he should be more of a man to you other then just paying bills. you do more then i would lol i never gave my check to hubby.. i put in money that was needed but he has always taken care of me and is proud of doing that.. sometimes i have to remind him i am still alive and need attention but he does it because he loves me and he knows i love him. even after 23 yrs lol i sure wouldn't want to train another one lol.. we've had our bad and good times like everyone but we talked it out and work on what we needed from one another.. there could be more you could do to make him happy too.. ask him what you can do for him and tell him what you need done for you.. only talking can work this out.. if you cant work this out but i think you can then maybe you should think of other alternatives.. but if you really both love each other then you both need to make both of you happy.. good luck