My fiancee and I became engaged February 7th of this year. I felt like I had kinda forced him into it-we had been dating for over two years and were living together. I kept mentioning marriage, and about how I wanted to become engaged. Finally he popped the question. The problem is now, he says he wants to get married, but won't decide on a date. He wants to get married outside at his parents' house (beautiful landscaped yard) but it being Washington, that is almost impossible until late July so that you can gaurantee a rain-free day. He refuses to get married anywhere else other than his parents' place. He also says he wants to have a stable well paying so he can support us. I understand this, but can't he find a job while we're married? I can't wait to become married, and the thought of waiting almost another year kills me! I really want to call him my husband and am not worried about his paycheck. What do you think about it? Is he afraid of commitment...or being reasonable?
2007-10-15 16:22:32 · 12 answers · asked by Happy. Finally. 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you have managed to move him pretty far.
In this age where commitment doesn't seem to come very easily you have gotten a lot of commitment out of him. Hopefully the stable job will come soon, and he can move a little further.
You compromised when you chose to live together. But I congratulate you on persisting on marriage.
You love him, so trust him to follow through on his proposal. But keep enough pressure on so he doesn't get cold feet. Be flexible on the wedding date.
It could be said you have already had the honeymoon--a lot of couples do that. Make sure you get the ceremony and the ring.
And best wishes to both of you. I wish you a long, happy and healthy life together.
2007-10-15 17:57:57 · answer #1 · answered by Warren D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Totally agreeing with mother of 2 on this. I mean you forced the dude into a marriage he didn't want from the get go. So I bet as soon at the honeymoon is over, you guys will be getting a divorce. I'm sorry that it sounds cruel and mean. But its the truth. If you knew you wanted to be married and you didn't tell him this directly instead of hinting around the issue so much he was forced into asking you, then I have to say you only have yourself to blame. I mean a wedding and a marriage is so much more than just calling someone your hubby. If your partner doesn't want to be with you of his own free will, there will be major problems. And in this case, the dude is doing everything he can from stopping the chances of it happening. So what you need to do is, talk to him again about what he really wants. And be woman enough to accept his answer if he does not want to marry you. I mean its not the end of the world, if he says he doesn't. I'm sure you can find someone else that will. But don't ever force someone into anything and expect the outcome to be different.
P.S. Dating and moving in over the span of 2 years and such doesn't gurantee a happy marriage either. And again no offense but I have a feeling you forced him to ask you to move in. Again not a good sign. If the guy doesn't volunteer any of these changes in the relationship himself then there is only going to be turbulance down the road and no doubt a serious end to the relationship altogether. Also he is being well past reasonable, money is important for marriage and for life. I have a strong feeling that you would pressure him for kids soon after as well. So you definitely need money for them. Be smart and don't rush.
2007-10-15 23:40:13 · answer #2 · answered by Cursed_Romantic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HES TOTALLY REASONABLE. If you are going to plan for july you should start hiring people now anyway. I would make him set a july date and expalain to him that photographers, caterers etc can be booked that far in advance especially for summer weekends. I got engaged this past February too and just got married oct 4th. Trust me the time will fly by! Everything happens so fast especially when you are working and trying to sort out all the details. Getting married much faster than that would be very rushed and incredibly stressful especially if you are both working/ going to school etc. If he will not settle on a july date soon. then i would start to question his desire but right now hes right. talk to him and get a date set but july is much better than trying to throw something together asap. If you cant wait 8 or 9 months it makes me wonder why you need this so urgently. It makes me think there might not be secure in the relationship or you are more into the idea of just being married, not married to him specifically.
2007-10-15 23:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by Katie O 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not afraid of commitment because you are living together BUT he is not in a hurry to sign the death certificate yet. He found an excuse to delay the wedding for a year or so and the waiting to find a good job is also reasonable. What I am questioning is why do you have to hurry? If you want to call him your husband then do so with his permission. Check you state laws about common law marriage. But quit bugging him about the date. It will come with time. Give him a while to set a date (maybe Christmas time talk about it) and then if he won't be tied down to a date you can work an ultimatum. But be prepared, sometimes an ultimatum doesn't get the response you want.
2007-10-15 23:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You want to be married and you are not worried about the paycheck, YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE MARRIED, The lack of money is the biggest reasons why marriages don't work out. You have your head so far in the clouds because you are soooooo in love and want to be married. When the bill collectors call or send notices in the mail are you going to tell them I just want to be married and the paycheck doesn't matter, so how long before you are in serious debt. You have BURGER KING MENTALITY you want to HAVE IT YOUR WAY. Your way will have you in diorce court. I respect any man who says that they want to be more financially stable before they get married. Sounds like your fiancee is smarter than you. he is not afraid of commitment, nor is he being unreasonable. You are the one being unreasonable. If you are not careful you will find your engagement being called off by him.
2007-10-15 23:38:24 · answer #5 · answered by pookster4262 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he is being reasonable and responsible. I know you love him but I don't think you'll be to happy living in a cardboard box. Love don't pay the bills and he wants to be able to take care of his home and family. How can you fault him for that? Why should he be in a rush to buy the cow when he already has the milk for free. Your first mistake was moving in with him if you knew he wasn't ready to commit. Then you pressured him into proposing and he's gouing to make all kind of excuses to postpone the wedding because he's not going to do it until he's ready.
2007-10-15 23:31:54 · answer #6 · answered by concernone 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he is being very reasonable.....nothing wrong with getting married outide his parent' home...it will keep the cost down for a wedding...so you will have to wait until next July....at least you got him to pop the question...and he definitely should want to have a stable job so he can support the both of you...
2007-10-15 23:28:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Come on...Do you really want to get married, while there's financial instability?
Waiting a year or two isn't a horrible thing. What's the rush? He gave you the ring, because he loves you...The wedding day in itself is one day out of your lives.
The foundation you're building right now is what matters! Sure, you're feeling antsy and wanting to be a "Wife" but it will happen in time...
Be patient and don't overwhelm him with everything. He's just trying to be sensible in this matter.
2007-10-16 08:38:16 · answer #8 · answered by darkening_hope 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's being reasonable. You are not.
It's a doomed marriage that starts out rushed. If he's not ready (be it for financial reasons, emotional reasons, or otherwise) you're cheating yourself out of a happy relationship with him if you force one on him. Step back, wait until you're BOTH ready, and go from there.
2007-10-15 23:27:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think he's being smart....and you're being impulsive.
Wait until he's 100% ready otherwise you maybe asking a question here about the divorce laws in Washington State.
2007-10-16 00:11:32 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋