we split up for 2 months because of this and now he is back and even worse. he still isnt working, stays up til 2pm and then goes to bed. he gets up and its time for me to go to bed. he then is on the computer looking at porn and playing poker. He promised hed stop smoking weed but he hasnt. If i say anything i am nagging. he is driving me crazy and i am a fool because i do love him but i am angry. He is 32 and says he needs the pot as medicine yet it keeps him from working b/c he cant pass a drug test to even get a job. when he stops for 1 day he is flying off the walls. I am working my *** off and its pissingme off. any suggestions for this man of mine. am i a nagging witch like he says. I am not happy but i love him and married him and want him. How do i stop letting him bother me ...anyone got any suggestions.
2007-10-15 14:54:20 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell yourself that it is not him you love but the person he used to be and realize that person is gone. there are jobs where he doesn't have to take a drug test, temporary jobs that last a day at a time, for example, so tell him to get one of those jobs. If you don't go on the computer, disconnect it and put it in a closet somewhere and take the power cord to work with you. If you are not happy, you need to forget the love, or remember that the man you love is gone, change the locks on the door, and file for divorce. What you feel may be a degree of love but once you get rid of this jerk and find the right man, you will feel a deeper love, and a love that will be more fulfilling to you, and I promise you, will make you happier than you are now.
2007-10-15 15:18:22 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-26 00:24:49 · answer #2 · answered by Hortense 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ditch that dead weight. He's weighing you down. His lack of ambition is killing you, whether you know it or not.
Porn is acceptable, to a point... that's something he shouldn't do when you are home, that's disrespectful to you. I'm not necessarily a porn addict, but my wife knows why I may occasionally view inappropriate materials.
As for the weed... that's illegal, but not something that should be cared about. You should really find the source of why he smokes the way he does, and designate an area for him to do so (this is called a compromise), therefore you aren't nagging, it's like a safe haven for him.
Give him an ultimatum... job or single. I think it's very rude of any man to make the woman be the bread winner. Nothing sexist about that, I mean that men should let the women have a lifestyle that is less stress then they have. A good man will always make his woman's life easier in one way. Make him do the housework, cleaning, cooking (unless he sucks at that) and other odd jobs around the house. Do not give him any money or luxuries, because, it's yours. This is the only occasion where I will ever say that you would not be a part of the marrital team. He's doing nothing to help you, you do nothing to help him. Eventually, he'll have to come around, after all, if he wants weed, he'll need a job.
Stand up for yourself. If it takes nagging, nag him into the job force.
2007-10-15 15:09:15 · answer #3 · answered by David M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion would be that you go for counselling to find out why you put up with this type of abuse. He is porno crazy, a pot head, doesn't work, gambles, can't pass a drug test to get work, allows you to support him and gets mad when you tell him that you want him to change and be responsible. Hmmmm! Who needs the help now? You are not happy and who would blame you. No one would be happy in these same circumstances. What is there that makes you love him? He isn't willing to put forth any effort in this marriage. He is happy to have you support him so he can selfishly do whatever it is that makes him happy. You need to stop allowing this abuse to be the way that you live your life. Don't you believe that you deserve better and that someone could love you for you without all this baggage. What is there in your life that makes you happy? Porno? No. Pot. No. A shared partnership. No. Someone who provides for you. No. Someone who has sound judgement. No. Someone who loves and respects you. No. How could this not bother you?? Go for some counselling and save yourself from a life of misery. You do not deserve to live like this.
2007-10-15 15:12:15 · answer #4 · answered by turkeybrooknj 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"How do you stop letting him bother you?"
He isn't some nagging lil' brother, this is your husband! You can't avoid this problem. You need to deal with it. Loving someone and wanting them is fine and dandy, but that love has to be reciprocated! 32? no job? smoking pot? Yes, that's problem. What do you plan to do about it is the problem? I'm not suggesting you divorce him just yet, but you need to get him help, such as puuting him in some sort of program or you two need to seperate for a longer period of time. Doing both of these things will allow you to see if he actually wants to help himself and if he doesn't then you need to leave him for good. It will never work if he doesn't want to hel himself.
And also, be smarter. My guess is, he's been a low-life pot head for some time now! Remeber that water rises to its own level, you can't change a man that doesn't want to change himself. good luck, I'll be praying!
2007-10-15 15:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Husbands and wife don't come to your life accidentally, people choose them. Sorry you choose that one and it's your choice to have that person in your life, work hard, pay for everything, hear promisses that doesn't happen. Again, you chose him for whatever reason, there are other people out there, but you went to that one and he has found the way to keep you around without leaving, actually by just being himself and you just take everything he does, but again, people chose their partner, and a partner speaks for the other partner. If I hear that guy has a girlfriend, I can have an idea of who are you, get to know you, see where your self esteem is and what you worth in the dating world.
Only you can give value to yourself.
2007-10-16 08:28:57 · answer #6 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DIVORCE!! That is what you do.....why settle for a lazy *ss man that wants to sit around smoking pot, playing on the computer and looking at porn....You are a fool if you stay with a man that treats you this way....
2007-10-15 15:00:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may love him But you are not getting the same love back from him. You need to kick his sorry *** out and find someone that will really love you, never settle for less then what you know you want in your heart.hes never going to be good to you so you really need to move on or except it and live with it.You have a choice I hope you make the right one for your sake.
2007-10-15 14:59:56 · answer #8 · answered by foxy lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do since you are enabling him to be a pot head and a bum. If you are tolerating this you can't blame anyone but yourself, not being mean but you need some tough love with him.....you leave he is going to have to find a way to pay for his own vices. Love only goes so far.
2007-10-15 15:04:52 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go to rehab, if he is smoking pot all day long, then stops, he will be flying off the walls. If this were my hubby and I loved him,I would tell him rehab, or out.You say you love him, how can you love him, you don't even know HIM, you love a pot head, your giving him every thing he needs food,roof over his head, computer etc. He has it all, and as long as he has it all, why would he want it to change, you have to make things change dear.
God bless
2007-10-15 15:25:01 · answer #10 · answered by luvspace 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋