What can I do to help her without hurting me?

Question

My mom has been on her own doing her best to raise four kids with her minium wage job since my dad was sent to prison. We were getting state aide until I became old enough to get a job and help with the family expenses. I'm 20 now with a kid of my own and I'm going to school and working a manager job that pays me more than my mom's job pays her. I want to move out in the next year or two and have started putting money away for it but its getting harder and harder to keep up with all the expenses and I find myself dipping into that more and more to keep up with bills. I have offered to help my mom go back to school so she can make a better living but she is reluctant because she thinks she is too old and feels has no drive to want to do more. Things are getting more expensive these days and I can't get my own family into our own place while spending so much of my money supporting my mom, my brothers, and sisters. I want a place of my own but I don't want to leave my mom hanging.

Answer 1

Tough place to be in.

You are an amazing person, but more on that later. Keep taking the lead with your family, be thier hero!!

Taking the lead is not doing the same old thing that is not working. Sit down with your mom and any brothers and sisters that might be old enough to contribute & make a plan to achieve all your goals as a family. You set your biggest goal and break it down into little pieces and work towards them bit by bit. It may take time, your move may be delayed however when you do move you will do it with the knowledge that you are not leaving your family of origin hanging.

Now of course this requires the cooperation of your mother. If she does sit down with you or she does and does not stick to an agreed upon the plan, then you need to move on with your own, your child deserves that.

I would suggest you go to the library and check out 7 Habits for Highly Effective People by Steven Covey. It is a good way to set out goals and achieve them.

Also, your Mom sounds depressed to me. Help her get some counseling. I know the budget is limited but until that is treated, she will not be able to do much of anything. I know I have been there.

Back to my first thoughts, you are an amazing person. Think of all you are doing, taking care of a baby, working and going to school. I got tired just reading that!!! You have clearly faced trials but that has not gotten you down!! I am sure if you put your mind to it, you can do anything!!! (and there is a 7 Habits for Highly Effective Families also.)


GOOD LUCK, THOUGH I DO NOT THINK YOU NEED IT, YOU CLEARLY HAVE THE BASICS, NO YOU HAVE MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

Answer 2

Maybe you could suggest to her to find a roommate or find some sort of nanny that will or can stay there for free room and board to keep up the house and kids. There is actually a lot of people doing that now a days and then your mom could have the stress of that off of her and she could even have the time to work over if needed. I f not there are a lot of churches that are out there that can help out with the food and even clothing for school. the best thing to do that can help more than anything is to go to church, pray and ask GOD to take control of the situation and you will not believe the changes that will be made in your life. All you have to do is have faith!!!

Answer 3

First, I commend you for your devotion to your mom and siblings.. But, you are right to start thinking about your own life and child.. Your mom should step up to the plate and make a visit to wherever she was getting state aide.. Just because you are older now shouldn't mean she should be cut off from receiving assistance after you set out on your own.. You are not the provider of your parent's family.. It doesn't seem like the state should view you as such.. Your mom is trying very hard but she can't keep depending on you to carry the load forever... She needs to do some "foot work" on her own... Good luck to you, young lady... [ A little after thought: Who will take care of your child after you move out on your own?... Is there maybe a way that your mom could help you out and you could maybe pay her a little bit; which would make you feel less guilty? ] Again: Good luck.

Answer 4

You are never too old to better yourself. By adding to her education, she adds to her ability to be promoted. A better job will not only pay better, but will also provide better benefits like a retirement package.

Your mom probably qualifies for one or more types of financial aid (loans and grants)... ask her to check with the counselors at the local community college to see what they can help her pull together.

It is not up to you to finance your mother's education, or anything else. Always try to put something away in savings. Her whole investment in you as her child, is to get you to where you can take care of yourself and your own family. So do that and make her proud.

Answer 5

All you can do is what you are doing and have been doing. If you are a Christian then you can ask for suggestions from your local church, definitely pray. Speak with your father even if he's in prison cause maybe he can reached your mother. Sometimes we as members of families thinking we're helping can become a crutch. You need to tell you mother that you are contemplating moving and that you wanted to make sure you didn't leave her hanging. Tell her you will help her with school and you know she can do it. But the main thing that you definitely must do is set your plan for your move giving your self time to do all that it incurs and move. Some times this will add the drive that your mother needs to excel. My prayers go out to you ~~~~

Answer 6

I can so well understand your situation, know also how hard it is to be putting money away but having to "dip" into it. You mentioned helping your mom plus brothers & sisters. Do you know if your mom is getting all the assistance she can get thru the goverment? I mentioned this because most folks aren't aware of help that is available to them, but just are not knowledgeable. I found this out because it happened to me. Is she getting assistance w/heat, elect., food, health benefits? I would contact your local township folks & find out where you can go, who you can talk to to make sure she is being funded properly. I don't know how many children are involved, but she should be getting assistance for everyone under 18 yrs. of age. If only she would try to get some schooling for herself. There are grants available for her to apply for. Is there some type of work she might just be interested in that she could take some classes to be able to get a better paying job. Unless she is unable to do things because of her health, she really should consider getting into doing something that just might make her happier & that she'd actually like to do & it also would give her a whole new outlook on life itself. If there was just some line of work she'd enjoy doing, it would change her whole way of thinking. She'd feel so much better about herself in all areas of her life. Have a heart to heart talk w/her about it, see if she'd be willing to apply for a grant to help her thru school. Also ck. on added help thru your local township. Hopefully there are things that have been over looked & you'll find a way to get her more assistance to lighten the load. I DO wish you the VERY BEST.

Answer 7

It hurts to inform the reality frequently for each you and the only you're telling the reality. It isn't a sin if you're looking to aid however is usually a sin if you're looking to insult via giving an unsolicited feedback. It additionally hurts frequently whilst you maintain silent and forget about to do what the opposite character might have to get ready himself for any untoward incident or twist of fate and we will all it sin of omission. The hurting that may make up for a sin is whatever that degrades to reason any individual to harm himself or explanations agony extra so of a deadly act to injure any individual bodily.

Answer 8

Are there any career counsellors she could talk to? Most colleges have them. You could go with her to an appointment and explain the situation and get the counsellor to help her to explore options she might not have considered. Not every course takes years. I took a health care aid one in 8 months and got a good job. It wasn't that expensive and there are good benefits.

Answer 9

you have helped and supported you mother long enough you have to do whats best for your child.if your mom doesnt want to go to school and you have offered to help and she doesnt want it then let her deal with her bills.thats what taxes are for we pay taxes to help those in need she should get food stamps and medicaid.those services will help out in the long run.the tax money is there for a reason.she should use it.there is no shame in asking for help.

Answer 10

i hate to say it but it seems like your the adult and your mom is the kid. you need to take care of yourself. your mom and the rest of us (taxpayers) will feed and house your mom. or she can go to school. but for you to sacrifice your future is not a good idea. otherwise, you will end up like you mom amd you baby will be asking the same question you just did (only it will be 2025)