Things have never been good in our two years of marriage, but recently my wife has started saying things like "I don't think its going to work out." I got into her email account and from what I can tell she has been talking to an old boyfriend for a couple weeks now via email and on the phone. I think she might be planning on meeting him one of the days that I am out of town. What should I do?
2007-10-15 14:30:15 · 49 answers · asked by Ben 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She has always been the controlling one in the relationship. She has never let me have any friends (not even guys) or do things on my own. I, on the other hand, have no problem with her doing things alone or with other people. The other day when she was talking on the phone she told me it was her grandma that had called, when it really was her ex. We have tried to talk out our problems many times but it never seems to get anywhere. I just don't think that I can give her what she wants.
2007-10-15 14:52:00 · update #1
Where there is no trust there is no marriage. Time to move on.
2007-10-15 14:33:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things that stick out to me: 1st. you only 'THINK' that she is planning something; 2: there is no trust on your part; 3: you are so deceitful as to read her mail, but then don't even have the guts to discuss it with here: &4: you are pretty confused. So let's have a look at the problems. After only two years of marriage, the novelty hasn't worn off yet, but you both are still adjusting to an entirely NEW way of life, that is, learning to live with; another person. No matter how much you love each other, this is still hard to do. But the results are worth it (and I'm not just talking about a great sex life). You must both make adjustments and allowances, and you must realise that she still has a life apart from you. You loved here enough to want to share your lives together two years ago, and the future is still as bright now as it was then. Trust her a little bit, and you'll soon find out that you were worried about nothing. Love her a lot, and this will ;help you to stop having negative thoughts and enjoy the present. But most importantly, be the man she married . Give her a man to be proud of, one she can boast to her friends and family about. Let her tell her friends what a great, loving, considerate, trusting, loving, doting husband she has got. Take it easy, take it slowly, trust her, love her, respect her, and I'm sure it will work out for you. After 38 years of marriage, I found that I had to do many of these things myself, but we are still happily married, so I consider the gain was worth the pain. I hope that you do too.
2007-10-15 15:04:01 · answer #2 · answered by johnatwagga 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are things not good? what is going on? Are you good to her? Sorry not trying to say its your fault. but if your not being romantic with her and there's no chemistry between the two of you. it may be over. What has she said to you in the past ? Has she asked you to do things and you never did them.And still aren't doing them? If she feels at all like you don't really fight for her love by loving her good she is very discouraged right now and probably doesn't see any other way out but to look else where. All you can do is talk to her about what you are thinking and be honest that you saw the emails . be gentle with that one though. let her know that you did that cause of what she has said to you lately and it made you think something was going on. If you guys fight so much and can't ever get through to each other. and if you really want this to work out I would suggest you write a letter to her about all of this. And if this relationship is to work out then things are going to have to change between the two of you and that means you both have to do some changing which will not be over night but you have to start somewhere if you really do care. Relationships are not about self they are giving your self to that other person and letting all your pride to the side and a lot of work. You can't just get married and then the work is done you have to show her how much you love her everyday. Right now you could be thinking I hate her right now or all we do is fight but that is what you guys have created in your relationship, you have to start fresh. I hope I helped at least a little.
2007-10-15 14:42:03 · answer #3 · answered by foxy lady 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
perhaps she has a brother you don't be attentive to approximately? perhaps it relatively is for her boss or a co-worker it is attainable in late each and all the time? perhaps it relatively is a recent for a co-worker that each and every person interior the place of work pitched in for? there are countless life like factors. yet first you may desire to come to a decision if she even has the time for somebody on the ingredient. Are there hours upon hours interior the day she will't account for? Is she no longer all that fascinated in being intimate with you? Have her daily varieties replaced? in case you think she's cheating on your or having an affair, you like so a lot greater advantageous than a pillow with beautiful words on the two ingredient previously you ruin the information which you dont' believe her.
2016-11-08 10:45:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is an action or two that can help your marriage along, mainly.COMMUNICATION. It's unfortunate things have "never been good", but it doesn't mean things will end .
it's an unfair expectation on yourself to control, and guide your partner's every step. You just can't do it. it's impossible.
But by telling her your concerned on how your marriage has gone up to now, and showing concern, and willingness to work harder at it. That may be all she needs. Course, would REQUIRE that you follow through on your promises. It's quite possible, she's leaning on her former friend for advice, and a shoulder to lean on, instead of "cheating on you". After all, she did marry you, and the other is an "ex" friend. I wish you well.
2007-10-15 14:46:16 · answer #5 · answered by doug s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know the idea everyone has is to work it out, and i personally will say that because it is the right thing to say. A marriage should never fail without a good ole 1, 2 try!! But, i will also say this........Sometimes marriages don't work out and there is still a happy ending. Both parties remarry and find happiness. Someone who cheats on you is obviously missing something. Find out what it is and try to give it, but it doesn't work something better just might be waiting for you.....
2007-10-15 14:45:25 · answer #6 · answered by Sheba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her, and tell her that you found her emails, and go form there. But you don't need to let her actually go through with cheating because it will hurt you for the rest of your life. If you aren't happy in this relationship, then get out of it before its too late. If you love her, and could never be without her, then fix the reason why she would even want to talk to another guy, and never let your relationship get bad again by staying very emotionally close with her
2007-10-15 14:36:56 · answer #7 · answered by Queen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communication: that's the one word marriages and relationships lack, but also the one word that will bring them together. Now, she sounds like she's been communicating with you. She keeps telling you that it's not going to work. Well, you've got a decision to make. She's told you how she feels, you can either leave her emotionally and physically or let her leave you emotionally while still having her there physically.
Talk to her. Question her motives for saying what she has said. If she stands firm in that belief, well...then you'll have to let her go! Divorce isn't easy, but neither is lving a lie!
2007-10-15 14:35:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but if things have never been good in your two years of marriage, can you blame her?
You two either need to try and work things out possibly with the help of a counselor or cut your losses and go your separate ways. Why stay in a marriage that hasn't been good. Life's too short.
2007-10-15 14:35:25 · answer #9 · answered by WilmaF 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to make the marriage work then try to get counseling or try to find that spark you all once had.
You might want to confront her about what you saw. If not hire a private investigator to keep tabs on here or get a GPS system for the car.
If you feel you all can't work things out let her go and both of you move on with your lives.
2007-10-15 14:33:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK man, 1 thing a man does a lot is that he thinks the opposite of what his wife is actually doing. if you think your wife will cheat on you, she'll most likely not. now if you truly love her, you should talk it out. But to be on the safe side keep your eyes and ears open. If she gets mystery phone calls from a man, comes home late, you try to reach her on her cell, or if she dosen't want to have sex. thats a sign that she might be cheating on you. But if your not having sex to begin with, then thats a problem. Don't worry man it'll all work, just dont jump to conclusions, so fast. Alright? Peace out -
2007-10-15 14:40:55 · answer #11 · answered by EvalJester 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋