I'm on yearbook staff and I can't think of a way to make this flow:
"During their last year at [school name here], the seniors experienced another principal, fresh rules, and new teachers. There were more laughs, tears, and drama than ever before. Friendships were obliterated, and then tentatively rebuilt. Some relationships have ended, while others have just begun."
I need help with that last sentence. During the whole paragraph, I pretty much kept it to past and I'd like to keep it that way. But if I say "Some relationships were ended, while others were begun." it sounds a little off. I think. Maybe not? Hm. *rubs chin* Dunno. =D
Lol. Thanks for your help =)
2007-10-15 14:15:51 · 4 answers · asked by Me 7 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Some relationships ended, while others began.
Also, I don't know abt using the word "obliterated" in the previous sentence - a little harsh - maybe, some friendships ran their course???
2007-10-15 14:21:11 · answer #1 · answered by momof2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oooh. Nice use of the word obliterated, and the contrast with tentatively rebuilt. It has great imagery. Can I steal that and use it in my book, or would that be unethical? In the sentence "Some relationships have ended" take out have.
*edit* don't listen to them, the word choice is great!
2007-10-15 22:08:32 · answer #2 · answered by kgoldfish8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with momof2. I think the way she phrased it sounds better and fits better. Also I think that obliterated is a bit...um
strong of a word. Don't get me wrong it fits really well and it sounds really good but maybe you could find a word that means the same but isn't so forward and... "explosiony" sounding. =) Good luck.
2007-10-15 21:26:15 · answer #3 · answered by Hannah=) 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's perfectly fine the way it is.
'have ended' and 'have just begun' are past tense.
.
2007-10-16 02:56:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋