This was a really bad situation, but the circumstances were extenuating. I was involved with a longtime friend I knew from childhood. He liked me for years. Anyway, I told him I didn't want a relationship, then married someone else.
At the time I didn't know what was wrong, but I've had a medical condition most of my life that was undiagnosed. I was really ill, and I knew something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it.
The friend had just come back from living in another province for several years. My condition affected my ability to function in every way. He was just putting his life together here, and I was so ill that mine was falling apart. I was afraid I would become a burdon to him and complicate his life, and I didn't feel he would really be able to help me.
When I met my husband he said that he would support me in every way and he has. If it wasn't for him I don't think I would have been able to put my life back together.
2007-10-15 14:04:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anyway, he left some things at my house. I was thinking of sending them to him, with a note explaining the situation, and that I didn't make the choices I did to hurt him.
Do you think I should?
Also, I just realized this is in the wrong category, but hope you can help anyway.
2007-10-15 14:06:30 · update #1
Actually he's not married and he seems to only be looking for casual flings. I think the reason is that what happened with me, and also an ex before me, made him afraid of trusting women. A short while ago he asked for the items back when we spoke briefly.
All I wanted to do was give him closure so he could have peace of mind and understand he honestly didn't do anything wrong. I think he feels really used and jaded by women, and I wanted him to know that it really wasn't his fault.
I'm not trying to make myself feel better, and I don't think my husband would be upset. He knows I love him and am not going to do anything to jeopardize our relationship.
2007-10-15 14:17:44 · update #2
I think the first question u need to ask ur self is.. ??
Are u doing this for you or for him??
who needs the closure??
2ndly.. if u went on to marry.. then why did u keep his belongings?
let a sleeping dog lye..!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if he has lived this long w/o it.. he will be ok... unless there is something personal like jewelry or awards.. box it up.. no note..
him rec'ing it,,,,, will say everything he needs to no.....
2007-10-16 07:53:40 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Blondie ♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation. I got married although I still had unfinished business for an ex that I had serious feelings for. It's just that I could have never married the ex because it was logically wrong. I looked for excuses to reconnect with the ex after I got married because I was still longing for the connection we had. It sounds like you still have feelings for the ex and the marriage is a logical one--I don't hear about much passion. I get a sense of obligation and your appreciation of your husband having helped you out, but not much else.
Why do you want to send him the letter? It sounds like you want to open up the past. What if he replies to the letter and tells you he wants you back? What if he never responds to your letter? How do you feel about him? If you are 110% certain that the letter is the last closure and you'll move on, then send him the letter. If you're not certain, don't open up even more temptation by corresponding about feelings and the past.
Good luck :)
2007-10-15 21:14:32 · answer #2 · answered by Lioness 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No do not write to him and do not send his things. You are only trying to make yourself feel better. Why bring up the past for him if there can be no future for the two of you.
Sounds like you have a good husband who has and will continue to take care of you. Don't jeopardize that for what might have been. Let go of the past and enjoy the time now and the future you have with your husband.
2007-10-15 21:10:08 · answer #3 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be best to leave well enough alone.....you don't want to stir up some unresolved feelings and emotions...besides your husband has been there for you....so don't get back in touch with someone from the past...
Ok...if you really want to send his things to him...do that...but without the explanation of why things turned out the way they did....you may think that your feelings for him have been dealt with...but I am not convinced that they have been...and by communicating with him...you are going to be vulnerable...and you can't be predict what will happen in the future with him....If you keep justifying why you want to return his things and why you feel the need to explain things to him....why did you ask YA for advise??
2007-10-15 21:12:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what was in the past should be in the past. your husband has supported you in every way and helped you put your life together so forget the past and enjoy your life now. If you should happen to see this guy in the future, introduce him to your husband and you can explain then but don't look for him
2007-10-15 21:22:23 · answer #5 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just what do u hope to change here, what is the motive? he is now married and has not contacted u, nor should he, nor should u him, its over with and both of u are married and its the past.
2007-10-15 21:11:20 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are still married to your husband, don't contact the other guy. Let him go.
2007-10-15 21:09:47 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
turn the ;age and close the book...no no no no
2007-10-16 14:25:27 · answer #8 · answered by Francesca 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋